Ways To Boost Your Confidence

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Today, we’re going to get into five simple key ways that you can use to boost your confidence now. These are things that you can put into practice. They don’t take any time. And what I love about all five of these, is that you will notice immediate shifts in your confidence. This isn’t something like, “Try this diet, and then take these vitamins, and in 7-12 weeks maybe you’ll notice the difference.” No. This is something that, when you do these things, you will feel more confident. And they’re simple. They take very little time, and you can do them starting today. You can do all five or you can just start with one. You’ll find out the right plan for you. In fact, we’ll help you map it out in the action step.

Let’s get into these five ways to boost your confidence now. And one of the reasons I’m so excited about this is, we’re going into a lot more depth in these ways, and actually help you learn them in more detail, put them into practice, make them a part of who you are and what you do, at my upcoming weekend intensive, which is called “The Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough.” This is one of my favorite events. We do it every year, and the early bird tickets just started going on sale about two days ago. And they’re on sale for just a couple more days, and then it goes back to full price. So during the early bird you can get tickets for 50% off. And this is a way for people who are committed to dive in. If you know you want to come, now is the time to get those tickets. You can go to confidenceunleashednow.com/event. If you also go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com  and find this episode on there, Five Ways To Boost Your Confidence Now, below the audio there, there will be a link directly to go to that confidenceunleashednow.com/event.

That’s something you really want to check out because if there’s kind of a hierarchy of what works fastest and best, I might say reading books, and listening to podcasts, and watching videos on YouTube, is definitely in there. So it’s self study, it’s what you’re doing. Then the level above that is when someone dives into maybe a program like Confidence Unleashed, or the Confidence Code, because what that does is it gives you a specific step-by-step system, and you’re really committing yourself like you’re saying, “I’m going to study this and apply this. I’m investing my time, energy, and money.” And that brings out a level of results— commitment and results. But the highest level of commitment and results outcome, massive shift and changes, comes from when we all get together in person. And it’s something that I could describe to you, but you could only really experience it by being there, in the sense that I could say, “Oh yeah you’re going to feel different in your body. You’re going to have more power and confidence in your body.” But those are just words. Then you’re just going to scan the back of your memory and think about, “What would more energy and confidence in my body be like? To feel more powerful in my body than I’ve ever felt before?” Then maybe you’ll think of a time you felt really powerful in the past. But it’s very different to have the experience of it. Because what most people do, is they never activate their own level of confidence. And during that weekend, the reason I called it “the ultimate breakthrough” is because after you experience that, you will learn how to activate your own confidence for the rest of your life. And you don’t have to wait for external circumstances to just happen to you to make it happen. You can decide, you can take action, and you can break free.

Obviously, you can tell that I’m passionate about it. The live events are my favorite thing that I do and I would love to see you there, so go to confidenceunleashednow.com/event to check that out. And I’m going to share some of these tips with you now. We will be going into a lot more detail at the event, but I want you to start applying these right now. Even if you’re coming, I would encourage you to start applying these right now, because these are the habits that will build your confidence. And just one note on that: Confidence is a discipline. Confidence is a series of habits, both mental and emotional, and physical— what you do with your body. And you can do certain things on a daily basis and you will feel more confident. And you can do other things on a daily basis, and your confidence will start to erode, and then it will collapse, and then it will just be nonexistent. And most people make the error, and I did this for many years, that when your confidence is very low you say, “That’s just who I am, that’s just how it is.” But you don’t realize is that you’re actually living out these habits, these patterns, that are keeping your confidence low. So today is all about five ways to boost your confidence now. I wanted to say that because what I’m going to share with you are habits, are patterns, so intellectually getting them today is probably not going to do a lot for you. These are things that you have to put into practice in your life. And we’ll talk about how to do that in the action step. So let’s get into it.

Number one way to boost your confidence now. Morning power ritual. You got to have a morning power ritual. Tons of people have talked about this. Many people that are at peak performance, and in all kinds of industries, athletics, the arts, entertainment, tons of people talk about some sort of morning ritual. For some people, it’s meditative exercise. You could do that. I’m a fan of a power ritual though because I want to activate power in the morning. And so I’ve been doing this for— I change them up, but I’ve been doing this particular one for eight months now. Where it’s a combo. First thing when I first get up, when I’m still in bed, my alarm goes off, 4 AM by the way, called the farmer’s schedule. I’ll tell you all about operation ultra some other time. But I get up at 4 AM, and I am in bed, I first just do a couple moments of breathing, and just noticing my body, mindfulness. Then, I’m just seeing how I am doing. Like where’s my feelings, what’s going on, maybe check in if there’s any dream that’s lingering. Then I think of three things that I’m grateful for, and really try to feel them. Not just like, “Oh yeah, this, this, and that.” And I make it whatever it is that day, it could be different than the day before, and different than tomorrow’s. Just in that moment, what could I feel grateful for right now? And then I repeat this in my mind: “I am powerful. I am healthy. I am strong. I am ultra.” And then, first things first, morning consistency, go sit on the toilet. And I listen to something. Maybe I read it on the Kindle on my phone. But sometimes I just listen to it and keep my eyes closed, seeing that it’s dark still and I don’t want to flash the screen in my face. So I listen to something. And it’s something that’s deeply inspirational and motivational. Not like heavy detailed knowledge technical stuff, but just something really motivating and inspiring. One of my favorites is Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. But it could be anything for you, Les Brown is great, Tony Robbins is great, just someone who is really inspiring. As opposed to picking up a technical manual or something, first thing. And then, on my way to the gym, I have a 15-minute audio that I’ve recorded full of statements that’s a call and response. It’s like: “I am powerful. I am bold. I am determined. I am relentless. I am unstoppable.” And it’s all the areas of my life. My relationship, my family, my health. All the ways that I want to be, that I want to reinforce my identity. And I repeat it to myself. Now it could be something I could be reading off a sheet of paper, but I want to be able to do it while I drive to the gym, so this was the way I’d do it— with audio. So you might be hearing that and saying, “Oh my God that’s elaborate.” And it is elaborate. But you know why I created it? Because I had this experience where I’ve been teaching confidence for years, I’m doing all kinds of crazy bullshit in the world, and I noticed I was anxious a lot of the time. So I was facing my fear like crazy and it wasn’t extinguishing, and that’s when I realized I got to have a ritual. What habits am I practicing that are shitty? And here’s what they were. I wake up and the first thing I think of is, “Oh man, I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’m so tired. What worries do I have for today? Oh, I got to deal with this.” Or I start thinking about a problem at work, “Oh, I got to solve that. Oh, I got to email that person.” And then I go sit at the toilet, I open my phone with no fucking plan, and I either check my email, which is the worst thing you can do when you first wake up because that’s is just a bunch of problems that you got to respond to. Maybe there’s some good news, maybe in your inbox. But I’m checking my work email, so how much good news is coming through there, right? It’s not problems and terrible things but just things to do. Tasks, people to respond to, but without the time to actually respond to them because I’m just taking a shit. Or I want to zone out and I’m looking at Facebook. And Facebook scrolling the feed is the worst thing. It’s just like some random input from Google, some algorithm is deciding what’s going to go in my consciousness for that day. And so I got honest with myself and I looked to that habit. I said, “I’m not as confident as I want to be. What habits am I practicing? Those, those are bad habits.” So I created healthier habits. And the reason that they’re habits is because I made a committed decision and I followed through with them, and I do them everyday until they become extremely ingrained. And that’s what I want for you. It’s to create a morning power ritual.

It doesn’t have to be crazy. Start super simple. Start by doing a gratitude exercise when you first wake up. Start by just listening to something inspirational for five minutes. Start by eliminating your email checking, your Facebook scrolling, your Instagram flickering, and your Twitter tweeting, and god knows what you’re doing in there, right? Just stop that when you first get up, and replace it with whatever is going to work for you. Maybe meditation is your thing. I like the stuff where I get juiced. Where I yell, “I am ultra,” for 60 seconds straight, feels good. What is ultra? I’ll tell you someday, it’s project ultra. Can’t reveal it yet, it’s too early. Anyway, that’s the first one, morning power ritual. 

Number two in the ways to boost your confidence now. By the way go to confidenceunleashednow.com/event to check out more about the early bird special for the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. You can also watch videos there about people who’ve gone through the events and what their experience has been. In case you’re curious but you’re also maybe a little unsure like, “What happens? What’s it like? Who’s there?” I remember I get that question sometimes like, “Is it a room full of weirdos?” And it’s actually pretty amazing people that are very successful in all kinds of areas of their life. Some of them are married but they want more confidence in their career and social life. Some are single and want more confidence in their dating life, but they’re highly accomplished in their careers. Doctors, managers, all the way down to people that are just starting out in their careers. It’s really a whole range of the world from different cultures, people born from different countries, people coming from different countries, as well as a lot of people from the United States. So it’s an amazing group of very inspiring people. And that’s one of the reasons why I love the weekend so much. I feel like every time I do them, I get this sense of gratitude and awe, like “Wow, look at these people that are here to learn, and are so motivated, and so dedicated to breaking free.” I feel just really fortunate to be able to hang out with everyone for three days. So check that out if you’d like to go deeper there.

Let’s talk about number two in the ways to boost your confidence now. This one’s a doozy, and you got to do it, just like all the other habits. Meet all feelings with love. By all feelings, I mean all of your feelings. Meet all of your feelings with love. This is completely counter to what most of us have done for most of our lives. We meet feelings, especially feelings like anxiety, fear, doubt, worry, anger, sadness. We meet those feelings with what, usually? Impatience, irritation, criticism, “Why are you still sad about this? Why do you get so upset about that? What’s wrong with you? Why are you afraid again? You’re always afraid, god damn it!” And we meet these feelings in us with a horrible toxic critic. And that will obliterate your confidence. No matter how successful you are, no matter how much money you make, now matter how many people love you, no matter how many people you sleep with, no matter how sought-after you are romantically, professionally, personally, socially, if you are highly critical of your own feelings and your own self for having those feelings, you will not be confident and you will not be happy. This is truly the master skill, to love ourselves, to meet all your feelings with love. And a book that I highly recommend for that is by Gay Hendricks. He’s a psychologist, he has written over 40 books. Tons of amazing stuff. And it’s a book called “Learning to Love Yourself”. It’s a small little book like 80-90 pages. Learning to Love Yourself. I highly recommend getting it. You can get a copy on Amazon. I’m sure it will ship out to you in just a couple of days. It will give you a ton of guidance on how to do just this: Meet all feelings with love. I had the honor to interview Dr. Hendricks not too long ago for my summit, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, and it was awesome. By the way, I think that summit is still going on, If you haven’t heard of it, you should check it out and you can still watch a number of those interviews. They’re amazing. It’d be me interviewing the world’s most confident and successful people about their own journeys to confidence, and their insights about relationship confidence, business confidence, career confidence, and of course self-confidence. In any case, check out that book “Learning to Love Yourself” and meet all feelings with love.

If we don’t learn how to do this, we will not be confident. So you got to start doing that, and you can do that right away. And the simplest way to start that is notice what you’re feeling. Usually we want to distract from it. We want to be zoning out on TV, or the internet, or phone, or drinking, or smoking, or whatever, eating; and slowdown, identify what you’re feeling. And then notice how you’re treating yourself with that feeling and shift to meet that feeling with love. “I am so nervous and anxious right now about this project that I have coming up.” Maybe that’s what you notice. “I love myself for feeling anxious about this project coming up,” is what you want to say to yourself. Or maybe you’re pissed off at yourself, for being anxious. Now you got a couple of layers, right? You’re anxious about the project and then you’re pissed off at yourself, you’re angry at yourself, for being anxious. So what would you do? “I love myself for being angry at myself for being anxious.” And you just sit with that until you can really love yourself for being angry at yourself, and then love yourself for being anxious. Dr. Hendricks has a great method. There’s tons of ways to do this. My program “The Confidence Code” has a lot of really powerful tools to do this as well. Whatever method you want to use, you got to get this handled. That’s the second way to boost your confidence now.

Third way: Strong body, strong confidence. This is huge. It is hard to physically feel confident because confidence is an interesting mixture of a feeling in your body and a mindset. The mindset is one of belief, of certainty, of faith, of trust, of I can, of I will, of commitment, of discipline, of power, I am able to do this, bring it on, move, I’ll handle it, right? There’s a confident mindset. Bring on the challenge. But there’s also a feeling, isn’t there? A feeling of confidence in your body, in your heart, in your chest. Can you activate that right now? Can you think of a time in your life where you felt fully confident in yourself? Maybe it was a week ago, maybe it was a month ago, maybe it was 20 years ago, but a moment in your life where you felt fully a hundred percent just confident in yourself. And close your eyes and take a breath in right now, and imagine going up out of your body and back down in your body at that time, all the way back to that time in your life. Into your body, and just seeing what you saw then, hearing what you heard, feeling what you were feeling when you were fully a hundred percent confident in yourself. Noticing who was around you. What you were doing. Maybe you’re playing a sport, maybe you’re playing an instrument, maybe you’re just hanging out with your buddies and your friends, maybe you just met the love of your life, I don’t know. Feel that feeling in your body right now, that is the feeling of confidence.

Do you know how we get that? We strengthen our body. We get into our body. We use our body. And if you are in a pattern in your life where you’re not using your body, then it’s going to be hard to feel confident. And when I say using your body, I mean being physically active in some way. Walking, running, biking. I’m not going to list all of it. Millions of different exercises you can do. It could be fun, it could be sports, it could be anything. It could be dancing in your living room to music. I don’t know what it is for you, but you know what it is for you. And you have to be activating your body. Strong body, strong confidence. You might say, “I don’t have the time for that,” but you have to. It’s like, if you want to feel confident, then you make the time for that. You create time for that. And for the longest time, I was like “I don’t have time to work out. I have two kids, one was a baby,” and then finally I shifted. I wake up at 4AM, I go to the gym, start working out. I work out from 4:30 to 5:30, 4:40 to 5:40, and I come home. Ready to take the baby at 6 AM. And that’s just the commitment that I have. The funny thing is, the biggest driver was really getting this, finally, because I want an extraordinary level of confidence, that’s why. You’ve heard this before, right? “We teach what we most need to know.” Well guess why I’m teaching confidence, baby. Because I want to know it. I want to get it. I want to be exploding with confidence 24 hours a day even while I’m sleeping. It’s a ridiculous obsession, I can’t help it, and I can’t help wanting to help other people feel that way too. But I want to keep reaching higher and higher levels of peak confidence. And so I’m looking like, “What can I do to shift it?” And that was one that I really got. I was like, “I’m not using my body enough. I’m not strong in my body enough.” Strong body, strong confidence.

If you got any reason why you’re not using your body that relates to chronic pain or injury, that is something you can heal too. And maybe I’ll record an episode about that because I have quite the story and quite the journey around that. It started when I was 15 years old, with chronic pain, and autoimmune disorders, and then plantar fasciitis, neck pain, back pain, shoulder pain, wrist pain, wrist surgeries, repetitive strain, I could go on and on for all the ways that I was injured. And I developed a consciousness, a mentality, a belief set, that my body is weak and I’m destined to be injured. And when I get injured it won’t heal. And so my life became very restricted. But you can heal all of that. And a book that can help you get started with that, is a book called “Healing Back Pain” by John Sarno. Start with that one even if you don’t have back pain. Even if you got repetitive stress injury. Even if you got foot pain, jaw pain, TMS. I could go on and on. I’m not going to go down that rabbit hole in this episode. You can heal that and you can strengthen your body. You’re stronger than you think. Strong body, strong confidence.

The fourth way to boost your confidence now. Use your voice. Similar to our body, when I say use your body, use your voice. So, you might be using your voice all day long, right? You’re talking, you’re responding to people, you’re answering questions, you’re going to work, you’re dealing with your family or kids, or whatever. You’re using your body, you’re using your voice. But you are probably not fully using your voice. And here’s what I mean. To build confidence, to boost your confidence now, use your voice more fully. The first thing I would suggest is to use it louder. And maybe take a few minutes, when you’re alone by yourself in your car, and use your voice, man! Talk louder, talk to yourself and say, “You know what I’m not going to take that shit anymore!” Or, talk about something you are excited about. Say, “Man I’m so excited about this! This is going to change my life! I’m going to do this, and I’m so excited about that!” And you use your voice with energy, and intensity, and volume. And that’s why I’m suggesting to do it by yourself because maybe you feel self-conscious and uncomfortable. And you might even feel self-conscious and uncomfortable, probably will, even by yourself. But you know what, that’s the kind of discomfort that you got to lean into if you want to boost your confidence now. Because just like physical health and being super healthy, you don’t have to do that. Most people aren’t going to do that. And it’s the same thing with confidence. Most people aren’t going to feel that confident for most of their lives. And it’s not some inborn trait that you’re born with, it’s just this discipline, these practices. It’s going to be a little uncomfortable but use your voice. Get louder, get more impassioned. I talk about this in the “Solution to Social Anxiety” book, emphatic declaration. And if you want to go in a deep study in that, get Confidence Unleashed, my program. You can get that at confidenceunleashednow.com and we do a ton of exercises in there, where I guide you through videos. In the book it’s a little harder to describe. I guide you through video how to activate your voice, and your power, and your body. But you can do that in your own car. Just get loud, use your body, use your voice, be impassioned about something. And go on a rant. Even if it’s anger, even better. Because there is a ton of power in anger. But use that, use your voice and you will feel more confident when you get to work. You will feel more confident when you get home. You will feel more confident the next time you interact with anyone. Because you used your voice. It activates so much in your whole body, your whole nervous system is responding to that energy. And your confidence will grow, and boost instantly as you do it.

Number five. This one will change your life. Ready? Daily risk. It’s your daily risk. What is the thing that you’re going to do each day, and you do not plan that ahead, you find it during the day. It’s like a little treasure hunt. What’s my daily risk going to be today? The only thing you know is that you’re going to take a risk. And the key is to find what it is that day. And for this one, the thing that I recommend which is fun, I do it with client sometimes, is we set a number of days. A 10-day daily risk challenge. A 21-day risk challenge. A 30-day risk challenge. A 5-day risk challenge. Set some limit. I mean you can still do it forever but get through X number of days first, then decide if you want to do it forever. So, pick a number of days, and say I’m going to do daily risk challenge. And you’ll know, I mean you could play it at whatever level you want. Your risks could be huge or they could be small. A small risk could be, to go walk over and talk to a coworker that you usually avoid. And just start a small conversation with them. That’s a risk. But it’s a small one, right? A big risk might be to have a challenging conversation. Bring up that difficult conversation with an employee, or with a boss, or with a supervisor. Speak up in a meeting where you normally would stay silent, and your heart beats all fast because you’re scared. That’s a bigger risk. But that’s your daily risk. And you just mark a little check on your calendar or wherever you’re keeping track. It’s like, put a little ‘r,’ like boom, I did it. And watch, watch, what happens to your confidence after three days, five days seven days, 10 days, 21 days of this. Holy shit, you become a powerhouse. So, those are the five, and that brings us to our action step for today.

Action Step

Your action step for today is to pick one of these ways. You got: One is your morning power ritual. Two is meet all feelings with love. Three is strong body, strong confidence. Four is use your voice. Five is your daily risk. Pick one. You might be inspired to do all of them. Trust me, just pick one, because if we want to try to do five things, we end up trying to juggle too many balls at once. When you first learn to juggle, they start you throwing one ball up in the air, from one hand to the other. They do that because if you try to juggle three or five balls, you’re just going to drop them all. And that’s okay. If you’re really ambitious and you want to take on two, sure but look at the long-term benefit here.  This isn’t a sprint, this is a marathon. This is about creating patterns for the rest of your life. So it’s much more effective to set one in, and then another one, and then another one, and then another one. So pick the one you think is the most valuable for you, and decide right now in this minute, in this moment as you’re listening to me, what you’re going to commit to around this one that you picked. Maybe you’re going to develop your morning power ritual, and you’re going to do it everyday for 30 days. Maybe you’re going to do some physical activity every day for 30 days, or five days, or seven days, whatever your goal is. Maybe you’re going to do the daily risk challenge for six days. Pick one now. And decide. And commit. And do it.

Awesome! You are awesome. I admire you and your dedication to be listening to me, to be getting through these episodes and this episode and just really committed to your own growth. That’s exceptional, that’s rare. Now it’s time to step up and take action. Don’t make this passive entertainment, make this life transformation. So pick one of these things, integrate it into your life. And if you want turbo rocket fuel on this stuff imagine how in… if you got a lot out of this, imagine three days of this with exercises, with practice, with breaking through all the core areas of life that we need confidence in. Self-confidence, dating and relationships, business and career, assertiveness, man you got to check out that weekend. The Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. So check that out for more if you want to go deeper with me. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.

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