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Hey, everybody. Welcome to today’s episode of the show. Today, we’re going to be talking about power. That’s right, you and a way more powerful you. And today’s going to be deep dive into power, what I mean when I say that word power and how you can bring more of it into your life. Removing any of the obstacles that you have, that stop you from feeling powerful, socially in relationships, in life, in work, and business. And how to install a sense of power, so that you can use that to get what you want done in life and to attract the people that you want to you.

So this is going to be an action-packed episode, I’m excited to dive in with you. To go deeper into the show, go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com; shrinkfortheshyguy.com, there are show notes there, you can also get access to my e-book there; 5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence. That book is awesome and it’s entirely free. And it’s a deep specific look at the five steps that I would guide people through to help them transform their confidence in their lives.

So, let’s look at power. First of all, when I say that, “more powerful you,” what do you think of? What’s the first thing that comes to mind? Does it sound good? Does it sound appealing? Does it sound … does it have sort of a negative connotation? Like, “Oh, power, oppression, greedy.” Or maybe it’s vague, maybe you have no idea what that means. Like, “Oh, power” like He-man, right and there’s no sense of what I mean. So let me explain a little bit and then we’ll see if you’re drawn to it or if there’s some buttons that it pushes.

Basically, I’m not talking about the power over say to be the head of a company or a politician who influences a lot of people in that way like sort of sanction the power. That’s not what I’m talking about here, I’m talking about two kinds of power. First and foremost is personal power. And that’s a sense that you are a powerful person. It is related to the other kind of power which is like what I call, “get shit done” power. I talk about this in my book the, “Art of extraordinary confidence.”

Get shit done power, that’s your ability to make stuff happen in the world whether you want to have a relationship with someone so you go pursue that person and talk to them or you want to be more effective in your work, in your business. Or maybe you eventually want to create your own business and have that entrepreneurial confidence. That’s get shit done power. That’s what I mean by power. So when you think of that, being a more powerful person and when I talk about personal power, there’s something around social power too. And if you have ever watched any of my videos or gotten into some of my programs, I talk a lot about social power.

And this is a sense of “I can do what I want, I can say what I want, I can speak my mind and be assertive, I can share what I really think here.” And I am … there’s a sense of like I am equal to others. I’m not, “Oh man, you’re better than me.” “Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, don’t be upset with me.” That’s sort of a lack of power. That’s what I mean, when I talk about personal power, I’m talking about social power, feeling equal to others, powerful. Able to go after what you want, get shit done power, able to create what you want in life.

So, I’m talking about those kinds of power and a way more powerful you. How do you feel right now in this moment as you’re listening to me? Do you feel excited? Do you want more of that in your life? Do you feel nervous? A little hesitant? A little unsure? Maybe a little anxious? There’s a lot of fears around power. I actually cover there in my book. In fact, this is such a valuable list, I’m going to read that for you right now. Hang on one sec, I’m going to grab a copy of my book which is over here on the table. And I’m going to read the top reasons that we’re afraid of power. In fact, you know what will be better, let’s take a quick break and we’ll be right back in just a moment. I’m going to share the top reasons we’re afraid of power. The reasons we block power, the reasons we keep our power low on purpose. As crazy as that sounds, that some part of us wants to feel less than others, wants to feel “she’s too good for me, she’s out of my league, he’s better than I am or I shouldn’t ask him for a favor or question or I shouldn’t speak up in this meeting.”

When we sell ourselves short, there’s a part of us that wants to keep our power low. And I’m going to share that list in just a minute as to why. During this break, think about that for you though. Why might you want to keep your power low on purpose? Or a part of you might want to do that. As crazy as it sounds, there’s reasons. So stay tuned, I’ll share mine in just one moment and I want you to think about that during the break.

So, I have this list, the ten common fears of power. It’s from my book, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, I’m going to read it to you right now. Here’s one, if I’m powerful and successful, it is somehow taking from others who are less so. If I’m my full powerful self, I will be disliked, ridiculed, and condemned. If I boldly speak up and pursue what I want, I’ll be persecuted or killed. Others will see my power as arrogance and dislike me. Others will feel jealous of me and dislike me. Power is oppressive. By being powerful, I am marginalizing and oppressing others. If I am powerful, people will see me as power hungry or greedy and dislike me. If I’m powerful, people will see me as a threat and want to fight me or keep me down. If I’m my full powerful self, I won’t be able to work at my job and they’ll fire me for being too much. Power is bad, wanting more power is bad.

So, what did you notice about that list? I’m going to throw this book down right now. When you heard that, do you relate to any of those? Do some or more of those stand out to you, it’s like, “Oh yes, I do think or feel that or fear that on some level.” And did you notice a theme across many of those? And a lot of those were drawn from my own experience and fears of power but also hundreds of people that I’ve had conversations with, clients finding out what is it that people are afraid of. Because confidence and power go hand in hand, don’t they? Like when you think of a confident person, you imagine yourself as a confident person. Don’t you imagine yourself more powerful, more able to say what you want, do what you want, dress how you want, work where you want, achieve what you want, have the relationships that you want.

So we want it, but then there’s all these fears that hold us back. And you notice the theme across a lot of the fears is some version of A; it’s going make me a bad person or B, people are going to dislike me and maybe both, maybe they’ll dislike me because I’m a bad person. But it’s usually what’s underneath a lot of these fears, it’s kind of like stepping up and being bigger. A more powerful you is a bigger you. And it doesn’t mean you’re having to yell and just pound on the table and get control of the meeting and kind of be this tyrant sort of power. But you’re not hiding under the radar. In the meeting, instead of being the guy whose got your head down, “Oh, don’t look at me, oh shit, I hope no one calls on me.” You’re the guy who’s like, “Hey, I’m going to share this opinion.” One of the guys in my mastermind group, he’s made some awesome progress. He used to be that guy with the head down in the meetings. And he’s done a ton of work, he came to the Conversation Master weekend and really got some powerful key distinctions for him. And he started to come back to his office and just talked to everyone. In fact, there was one person, it was a big company, so not everyone knows each other and he was chatting them up at some break room or whatever and the person was like, oh, so are you new here? And he was like, no, I’ve been here for a long time but because he was being so outgoing.

And then just recently, he had an experience where he spoke up in a meeting and there was a number of people that were and the boss and everyone in the meeting wanted to do plan X. And he was like, “Man, plan X is a bad idea, I think we’re going to have this problem and that problem.” And he said that. He said, here’s how I see it differently. And you know, his boss said, “No, we’re going to stick to plan X.” But that’s powerful, that is powerful, to step up and speak that and share that. And some people are going to like it, some people are going to not. I think that’s kind of a thing that if you do it respectfully, that’s noticed. And that’s a leadership move, that’s a high power move, that’s a high confidence move.

So we want those things but the fear is that people are going to dislike us. People are going to … there’s going to be some consequence of being bigger like that. Now why do you think that is for you? What is the fear for you? I read a list there, we came up with some ideas. But what stops you from being bigger, bolder, more powerful, more outspoken, more willing to say what you want to say, do what you want to do? And go get shit done, that you want to get done. What is the fear that stops you? Good. Noticing that, thinking about that, reflecting about that, because the more awareness that you can get, the more you’re going to be able to shift it. The more you’re no longer going to be…

We don’t have any awareness of it then we just kind of follow what the story says. Don’t do that, bad things are going to happen. And then we just say okay, I’m not going to do that, bad things are going to happen. And we don’t slow down and really question it, really examine it, really look at it. And when you do, you can start to see through the cracks. So, let’s talk about activating more power, more social power, more personal power, more get shit done power. How can you do that in your life?

What would you like to if you had ten times the power? What would you do? How would you show up differently? How would you move differently? In fact, I want to guide you through a process that is super powerful. A powerful process about power that’s very powerful. Now, we’re going to take a quick break. And then I want to guide you through this process, so get some water. Go to the bathroom, so you can just fully dive in for like six, seven minutes here when we get back from the break without any distractions. I think you’re going to find this extremely valuable.

So, let me guide you through this process to help you activate, find your power and use it more in your life. So now that we have raised more awareness around some of the stories you have, about why you shouldn’t be powerful, why it’s bad and if you want to go much deeper into that, check out my book “The Art of Extraordinary Confidence,” you’ll learn a ton more about that. But let’s do this right now. So go ahead and putting notes that you’re taking down. If you’re driving, you can still do this. It’s optimal if you’re not but just do it with your eyes open. But for those of you who can, close your eyes for a minute. But make sure you’re standing up and take a deep breath in and let it out.

I like you to remember a time in your life where you already did feel powerful. A moment where you felt fully powerful, fully capable, you could do it. You could get things done, nothing was going stand in your way. You just got get shit done. You felt fully powerful in your body, that could be physically powerful. Like you were going to … you just did some sporting event or a game or competition. That could be like mentally or psychologically powerful. Like you just crushed it in something, you wanted something or you were going into something with total determination. Finding that power right now, going back to that time and it could be from a month ago, a week ago, five years ago, ten years ago, it doesn’t matter. A time in your life where you felt fully powerful. You have that moment now. The first one that comes to mind is usually the best one. Just say yes out loud, good. I know that might feel a little strange, just you and me here but just trust me with this do it, good.

Now go back to that time, go right up to that time now as if you’re going out of your body, floating right back to that time, floating back in your body and seeing with your eyes closed. Seeing what you saw when you were feeling fully powerful. Hearing what you heard. Noticing who is around you, standing the way that you stand when you’re feeling fully powerful. Breathing the way that you breathe, good. Now what are kind of the things that you would say to yourself when you’re fully powerful? When you’re fully in charge? Maybe it’s “I got this.”

Maybe “nothing’s going to stand in my way.” Maybe, “bring it on.” I don’t know what it is for you, but it’s different for each person. And you want to find your language that captures that sense of power. Maybe it’s just yes. Now when you have that thing in your mind, where it’s one of those phrases, just try saying it actually out loud. With a little bit of intensity, “I got this.” “Yes.” For me it’s, “I’m the man.” All right, it makes me smile, it makes me feel good. So whatever it is for you, saying that out loud right now. Good. Say it again with more force, more intensity, good. I know it’s ridiculous and this is how you do it.

You know that fear of being ridiculous, the fear of people not liking, “Oh my god, who would judge me.” That is a lack of power because complete social power is, “I don’t give a shit.” Because if this is going to be valuable for me and the people that matter to me in my life and maybe the greater world at large, then who gives a shit if it’s a little strange or it’s a little weird or someone has, “Oh, what is he doing? I’m going to judge that.” Fuck it, who cares? Own it, if you’re worried about what a stranger thinks about something as small as this, that’s a serious lack of power. And we want to activate more of that power, that’s what I’m all about, helping people do and helping myself do is reach higher and higher levels of this social power, this social freedom, this confidence.

Good enough. From this place, open your eyes and just walk around the room that you’re in or outside or wherever you are, if you’re in the car just sitting fully upright breathing deep and just owning it in your body. Moving with this full sense of power and confidence in yourself. Nodding your head like, “Yes, I am a badass.” Now from this place, from this state, what is it that you want to do with more power in your body? More power in yourself? What are you committed to? What are you going to decide? How are you going to show up? Think about the different areas in your life. Maybe it’s at work, in your business, maybe it’s your love life, your relationship, your dating life? How you want to approach someone you find attractive? From this place of power, what do you feel? What do you notice? What do you think? Good, good.

Own this feeling, get familiar with it. This is you, closer to the real you, this is you closer to the source. All this power that you want is inside of you right now. It’s just a matter of activating in your body, in your mind, in your focus and then taking action from that place. And speaking of that, that bring us to your action step.

Action Step

Your action step for today is to from this place of power, take action. Decide on something that you’re going to do. Are you going to do it today? Maybe tomorrow, but it’s a move that you would do if you had five times the power, ten times the power, a bigger move, a bolder move. Maybe even something that scares you. Most likely it would be. Because that’s where the edge of life is, that’s where our growth is, that’s where excitement and a sense of aliveness comes is that edge right between what we desire and what we want and how we want to grow and what we’re called to do. And then fear, fear of doing it, fear of failing, fear of making mistakes.

But right in that razor’s edge there of what we want and what scares us, that’s where everything opens up. If we’re willing to be powerful, to step up, stand tall and just take action and go for it. Every time we decide not to, we lose energy, we lose power. And I don’t want that for you. So, go through this process again. Re-listen to this if you need to, find that place, decide, take action. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
(Creative Commons License)

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