Overcome The Top Fears That Stop Most People From Ever Sharing Their Ideas And Gifts With The World.
Do you hold yourself back from sharing your ideas, asserting yourself, and putting your creations out into the world? Most people are afraid on some level to put themselves out there and share their creativity with the world, which keeps it trapped inside.
Join Dr. Aziz as he interviews Ben Clemenzi-Allen, a world-renowned book writing coach who helps people unleash high levels of creativity in surprisingly short amounts of time.
Click below to hear this episode!
Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. I’m Dr. Aziz and I’m excited, I know I probably say I’m excited lot on this show because I am, because I love talking to you, guys. I’m especially excited today because today is a very special today.
Ben Clemenzi-Allen is a world renowned professor and book coach. He helps people break through inner blocks and tap into their unlimited creativity to produce best selling books quickly. You can learn more about Ben’s work here.
The Solution to Social Anxiety- New Release
We’re going to be celebrating the release of a new version of my book, The Solution to Social Anxiety. It’s the Expanded 2015 Business Edition with huge amounts of, there’s a bunch of chapters added at the end of the book all about business. How to show up more confidently in a variety of different situations whether it’s speaking up in meetings, interviews, sales conversations, talking with employers, talking with people that you’re managing, how to be more confident in creating your own business, a bunch of different areas of your work and professional life in addition to all the great stuff about your social life and how to overcome the fears that you face in a variety of different situations.
So I’m especially excited because that is just coming out and as a promotion for the book coming out you can get it today, that’s today only. We’re talking August 12th, Wednesday, August 12th so you have to be listening to this. Today the day it’s released this podcast is the day that you can get the book for 99 cents. The first 200 people to get the book get it for 99 cents. I mean it’s basically free and what I’m going to encourage you to do is to go get your copy right now. You can go to socialanxietysolution.com, that’s socialanxietysolution or below at Shrink for the Shy Guy we will have a link to it. Either way you can get to Amazon and get yourself a kindle version for 99 cents. And that will be awesome because you’ll be supporting me, we’re going to be trying to make this sucker a best seller in the self help category whichever category we’re in and we’re going to reach a lot of people with this one.
So, 99 cents is a great way to do that. It’s a great way to help me out and help me reach a lot of other people because there are millions of people right now who are stuck where I was stuck and where you might have been stuck many years ago or maybe where you’re stuck right now. And that’s okay because there is a way out and I want to help you. And that book is a part of helping people do that and that’s my purpose, that’s my mission which you’ll hear a lot more about in my upcoming interview with my expert today. We talked a lot about creativity and purpose and mission.
So, go to socialanxietysolution.com to get yourself a 99-cent copy and here’s the best part. I am going to reward as a little raffle here. When you get yourself that book for just 99 cents right now you can send me, email e a copy of your receipt of getting the book. You can email it to or , either one. Email your receipt there and we’re going to raffle 2 people to win a copy of the complete Confidence Unleashed System. The program that we just had the launch for which is no longer available right now it was available during the pre-release now no one can get it for a little while and when it comes out it’s going to be 997 dollars or more but 997 is probably what we’re going to release to that. So, you can get yourself a copy of that program for free if you win the raffle. So just go to socialanxietysolution.com, you now, go to Amazon, get yourself a copy of that book, and for 99 cents and then send us the receipt and you can win a copy of that full program.
So, it’s a win-win-win, it’s an awesome way to help me out and help yourself out because there’s some great stuff in that book even if you have a copy of the original version you’re going to want to get the new version because it’s about a 3rd new stuff in that book it’s pretty heavily expanded edition. So, I would love to see you inside of that book. I’d love to see your experience with it and we’ll mention it again towards the end of this show.
But what I could get into today is going to be about the confidence to be creative, the confidence to put yourself out there at a high level no matter what your creativity is and we’re going to really expand your definition of creativity and talk about the confidence and courage to put yourself out there and there’s no better person to talk to about that than a dear friend of mine who also happens to be an amazing editor/writer. He helps people produce books in 10 hours a weekend. I mean it’s pretty amazing what he’s doing. So, we’re going to dive into my guest expert interview with Ben right now.
Aziz: My guest expert today is Ben Clemenzi-Allen. And Ben also known as The Professor is an incredibly inspiring person that I’ve had the privilege and honor of knowing for many years and is actually a good friend of mine and some of you who have been in my world actually might have met Ben or learned from ben because Ben is one confident mofo and he has helped people that have been in my world to break out of their own fear, self-doubt, shyness. He has helped take guys out during my weekends to face some of their fears and meet women, start conversations. So Ben has a huge wealth of information in that area and his confidence transformation is very inspiring. And, he also is an incredibly well-written well-studied guy. He turned his life around at a young age and got into education and just tore through that.
He got a gate scholarship to go to University of Cambridge overseas and a bunch of other studyings done as a Masters, taught English and Writing and worked as a professor talking in front of large groups for many years and now one of the primary things he does is help people break free of their own doubts and fears to be able to write books. And there’s many sides of that so I’m excited to learn from Ben about this. We’re going to focus a lot on creativity and how to unleash your character, you know. Whether you want to write a book or not it’s not about necessarily that, creativity shows up in every area of life. And, of course, if you want to write a book Ben helps people do that incredibly quickly, really inspires them, and helps them with the technical side of that, too. So it is an honor to have you on the show, Ben.
Ben: Great. Wow! Thank you so much for the introduction. It’s so exciting to be here and I’ve heard so much about the podcast and knowing you and who you are and the work you’ve done it’s a privilege to be able to reach out to your well-deserved audience.
Aziz: Thanks, man. And so I’m sure some people are wondering it’s like, wait, so this guy, you know, helps people with confidence, he helps people with books, and my answer would probably be both. But maybe just so people get a sense of you, were you always a pretty confident guy or did you have your own journey with that? Just so people can kind of know, you know, how you got to where you are.
Ben: Yeah, great question, man. I love that actually and today actually I just posted something on Facebook about, well, let me just start from the beginning. I guess the easiest thing to say is that I was not at all a confident person. When I was in my teens and even up until my mid 20s I was painfully shy. When you and simple things like eye contact and speaking in groups and making friends and really just even speaking my mind and a certain what I believed in was an incredibly difficult thing for me to do because of my fears of other people’s opinions. Where I came from I don’t know exactly if that even matters but it’s something that I had with me for many years and until my mid 20s so this was even while i was in college. My mid 20s, I just had enough and I decided that I really needed to address it. So I began to push myself.
I had read some books about ways to overcome social fears and ways to get out of yourself and like develop your social circle and what I ended up doing is literally just finding my edge that place that felt that elicited in me as state of discomfort and a state of anxiety and I would just push right into that. So, you know, I just think we remember going through periods of my life where I would go out of my way to like ask a stranger a question about something or to approach a woman that I found attractive or to assert myself in a group of people and just really doing that as a way to overcome this internal barrier and the easiest thing to say about that is that I always knew that I had greater potential and this really ties into the same things with creativity. I always knew I had more in me and I felt inhibited by those fears and that inhibition was what I wanted to come up against because I felt like it was blocking me from growing.
And so really the of my story is just coming up against that and continue to try to burst out and that’s *0:09:36 it was true that kind of stuff I attempted to learn to be more authentic and more powerful.
Aziz: Yeah. And what you said there was so interesting is I knew I had more potential but there’s inhibitions that were holding me back. And my sense is that’s probably true for almost everybody, like almost everyone has more potential and what do you think was going on there. Maybe in your case but we can maybe generalize to other people, too. Why do you think it is that so many, you know, what is this inhibition and this fear that stops us from reaching our potential.
Ben: It’s a great question. I just want to echo before I start to answer that. Echo that people do have that feeling inside of them but there’s more to have a feeling of longing to grow. I think many people do and many people often translate that longing for more into behaviors and activities that aren’t particularly constructed because they’re afraid to come up against that edge. And I understand that. I mean I think guys like you and I know that. We’ve felt that edge and for whatever reason we were the lucky guys who decided to really take action on that. But a lot of people I think desire to grow and I think people listening to this right now and I’ve seen it because I’ve taught thousands of students by now. That any student even in a class even in a class that they don’t want to be in they’re in college for a reason. They’re there with the hope that there’s going to be a better future, right?
Almost everybody has that on some level so what holds them back from that it’s a lot of stuff that you talk about, it’s a lot of stuff that I find I’ve talked about in psychology and in different like program and stuff like that. It’s internal talk, it’s internal beliefs. It’s attitudes we have about ourselves ways we see ourselves what Maxwell Maltz calls the self-image, you know. How do we perceive ourselves and our own capabilities? And then what are we listening to, right? So if a student wants to like write a paper but they get writer’s block and they freeze up not that my students want to write papers all the time. But from the of a student who does want to write a paper and then freeze up, often the reason why they freeze up is because they’re too anxious and the reason why they’re anxious is because they’re thinking about failure. So when they’re focused on something like that it’s really hard for them to achieve, it’s really hard for them to grow.
Does that make sense?
Aziz: Yeah. Absolutely. So that, again, and this is where I stress to get into creativity is a lot of people might not live out their creative potential or any potential out of that fear of failing and there’s a focus on that failure. It’s not like look at all the things that might happen it might be amazing and all that’s says was more just like front and center. Oh my God there’s me going down in flames and everyone pointing and laughing and this is horrible. So, what’s up with that? Like, from your research and studies why do you think that that is such a focus for almost everyone before they start an endeavor?
Ben: Yeah, man, it’s a great question. The one that I described to myself and to my friends and any of the clients that I work with it’s often I do believe it’s just something that’s meant to be self-protective. Like the imagination has this amazing capacity it’s what helped this evolve. It allows us to anticipate future outcomes, remember things in the past of course as well, but to really be able to anticipate future outcomes either idea or potentially painful. It seems like people are trying to hardwire to look at what’s painful so that they can avoid that. So it’s a lot of what they call pain aversion, right, or pain like whenever they’re driven away, it’s away from motivation or driven away from pain versus thinking about what feels really great. I think it’s biological thing that’s just meant to protect the minds it’s its impulse to protect the being and the consciousness and the ego. And people fear that. They think that damage or failure, well first of all they use the phrase failure but they think something like failure is permanent or they think that failure is irreparable and like you said humiliated like they’ll be ostracized and then therefore fall apart and die, you know.
And none of that stuff is really true. I think when you really try when you get out there and see what’s on the other side of what people call failure.
Aziz: We’re going to pause here and take a quick break and then get back into that interview with Ben. While on the break you can always go to socialanxietysolution.com and get yourself a copy of The New Expanded Edition of The Solution to Social Anxiety for just 99 cents on Kindle that is basically free. It’s an amazing opportunity, we’re going to try and get as many people as we can to get that today and the first 200 people it’s just 99 cents. And if you send us your receipt to of the book that you got the 99-cent one then you’ll be entered into a raffle to win a free copy of The Confidence Unleashed complete comprehensive confidence system that I have that normally goes for 997. So, awesome opportunity there. Go ahead and do that now during the break and we’ll be jumping right back into our conversation with Ben right after this.
Aziz: Well, the interesting thing about this focus on failure is also I think people turn it into who they are as opposed to something that happened. So, if I try something and it didn’t go the way I wanted to which is really what failure is, right, it’s the outcome that we didn’t want then I am a failure and this says something about me and what I’m capable of and what will forever more be so.
Ben: Yeah, yeah, instead of permanence or instead of like internalizing it, right. I think one of the greatest perspective shifts that I’ve had was given to me by a teacher of mine a while back and it’s just a simple phrase that changed my attitude around failure and he used the phrase that was, there’s no such thing as failure it’s all just feedback. Which kind of gives us the attitude that’s like you can do almost anything as an experiment, you know, within reason or as long as you’re not injuring other people. You can do almost anything as an experiment and then sort of calculate the results and then think about what will happen, okay. Maybe my timing was wrong, maybe my system was wrong, maybe my strategy was wrong, maybe whatever. I mean, you know, it depends on your circumstance, right? And creativity and social confidence I think there’s a lot of overlap there.
Let’s say somebody wants to create a business sort of they want to develop a richer group of friends or they want to run a marathon or even diet, all those links to confidence and creativity. And if somebody is so failure averse and so afraid of failure that they won’t even at least experiment with some strategy or some attempt to one of those things they’ll never get any of it, right? So that’s even worse and we our self identity really starts to take on this view of being a failure because they don’t even try, right, so that repeats itself. I think it’s better to actually try and then not have it go well because then you have an identity of a mover, of somebody who’s experimenting, of somebody who’s out there shifting.
Aziz: Yeah. And that’s honestly the biggest shift that I’m trying to get people to make. I mean, these may be the first shift that I’m trying to help people with in whatever form whether it’s this podcast or a program or coaching or a group. I mean it’s getting into some sort of action and testing out what happens because it’s all so terrifying and unmanageable when we haven’t done it and it’s just our mind, you know, our imagination creating those things. And also I think that’s probably what keeps most people back. So let’s bring it to creativity and maybe writing a book for example is just what you help people with and any other form of creative expression. Singing, poetry, a business is a form of, you know, creation as well. All of that stuff and those are so many things that I bet everyone listening right now there’s one thing that if they wanted to be more creative in an artistic way, in a financial way, in a personal way, they can think of it right now and there’s something that’s getting in the way of stopping.
And let’s take books for example because I think that’s a great one. What do you think what is it that stops people? Why do people seek you to work out? Why haven’t they written a book already? What’s stopping people from being creative?
Ben: That’s great. That’s a really great question. And I digging with you a little bit with this answer because with the book I know what it is. And I think I wonder if it’s the same thing with these other areas like business or writing a novel or a book but any kind of creative endeavor, right, or even just making new friends or something. I think that with the book and then I wonder if you think if this is true for other things as well, with the book people have this thing that’s like, well, I can’t do it and I don’t have it in me, I’m not capable of it. And if I do do it and people see me fail, right, then it’s all going to go bad. But then truly it’s like there’s this idea that they’re afraid that they’re not good enough somehow or that, yeah. And then that I think is the root of it and then they attach that fear of various smaller things like, oh I don’t know how to organize it, and then they dismiss it. Or, oh I don’t know who my audience will be, and then they dismiss it.
So the real fear behind the fear is behind the little things is that they worry that they’re not good enough somehow. It’s the strange story they’re telling themselves.
Aziz: Yeah. And, because they’re not good enough the results will be that they’re not going to succeed at writing it or writing a good one and then what you mentioned there was like there was like a negative social like people are going to see that and judge them.
Ben: Yes. Yeah, exactly.
Aziz: Because that seems like a really important part. Like if we, I think people fail at stuff all the time in a vacuum without telling anyone about it and it’s not so bad. Like today is the day that I’m going to, I was just speaking with a client recently and he like thought to himself on Saturday like, next week I’m going to join the gym, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, all week long. And, you know, Monday rolled around and he had a big meeting that day so didn’t go to the gym. And I am willing to bet that he made that little commitment and failed to himself dozens if not hundreds of times in his life. And no one knew and I mean I’m sure it kind of eroded his own self trust over time but it wasn’t like this huge catastrophic thing. There’s something about the public knowing about it that we’re really scared of for reason.
Ben: Yes. Yeah, and that is acutely painful I think or at least intense. It’s acutely intense for people who book because a book is literally putting your voice and your name out into the world. So people often I think drift off into those fears about that kind of public shame when they’re thinking about writing a book because a book is going to be read by somebody for it to be good. Or you can go to the gym and people can even see you at the gym but at the end of the day that’s theoretically a small population and for somebody who wants to write a book often then want to reach hundreds of thousands of with people. And that is something that they can convey to people.
Here’s the interesting thing, all right? Because there’s a fear around that people feel very motivated to also do it. It’s so strange because people they know that they will be overcoming something enormous, you know. Most of the people I work with are very ambitious and very successful in many areas in their life and they still have this one hurdle, you know, they’ve secretly had it. I had a client a while back like 6 months ago she has been struggling to write a book for 12 years and she really, really, really wanted to and she was just so jammed up and she and I got together and I did a bunch of coaching with her and we found out really what was behind it all. She had these various fears about being heard and seen and worry that her voice that she that she wasn’t entitled to be public like that.
But anyways, we ended up working together and working on those things and then when the processes to write a book in 10 hours and a little under 10 hours will get 80% of the manuscript. And so we did that and it’s interesting because when she was done she felt like she had overcome something so enormous but at the same time she was so ready for the next big challenge. So a book is like this fascinating thing where people feel like it’s calling them to grow so much bigger. And those who make it, those who do it are the ones who are ready to step up and ready to face that big public fear.
Aziz: Yeah. I mean I love that story and it makes me think of so many things. I just got an email mid day or two ago from a musician who is saying, you know. I basically choke on stage. He said I have an introvert personality that makes me perform poorly on stage. So I had to call that out in the email. So I was like, well, it’s not introversion that’s making you have a hard time performing. It’s the anxiety, it’s fear, and all this inner game stuff because I tend to be more introverted and a lot of people a lot of amazing musicians, writers, speakers, performers are introverted in their personal life and they can still just crush it in performing. So those two aren’t connected but musicians, authors, writers, speakers, people who want to put their art anything out there there’s a lot of fear around that and a lot of the fear of the public rejection.
It’s interesting because it’s like okay talking to one person talking to one woman is scary. Talking to a group of people or several women is scarier. Talking a group of 50 people or writing a book to reach a 100,000 or 500,000 people freaks us out on some level. And the funniest thing about it is that, you know, I have a book out there and at the end of the day all that it really is is like you look through a review and there’s someone in there that says you’re trash, you know. It’s not like this throngs of people, you know, Game of Thrones style where they’re publicly shaming Cersei as she walks from the…
Ben: It’s more of the, you’re going to give them the spoiler of that stuff.
Aziz: Spoiler alert, Season 5 or whatever that was, you know. She’s walking from the sept back to the Red Keep and the whole city…
Ben: The chambray.
Aziz: The chambray thousands of people, you know, throwing stuff at her and tell her, you know. It’s not that. It’s just some dude that you read that says, 1 star, I think you’re an idiot. You know that’s like the worst that it’s going to be and yet it’s so terrifying. It’s funny.
Ben: Right. Yeah, I know, that’s what I was going to ask you about your experience with a book because I know you have one out and you also have another one coming out with my which is fantastic. And I was wondering, yeah, what are your thoughts? When you think about you talked about the rejection. But what about when you’re thinking about your audience just in general maybe before you’ve wrote that first book what were you thinking about when you were not ready to, before when you sat down to write it or as you were beginning that process how were you perceiving the impact of the book? How were you perceiving its reception?
Aziz: That brings us to the end of our interview and the end of the time that we have together today. We’re going to be diving to the rest of the interview with Ben next week where we’re going to get into some really powerful stuff around your job and how it’s your job to be creative and really just blasting through any of those remaining fears that stopped you from just putting yourself out there at a high level in any way that creativity speaks to you. And as we go to the end of our episode today let’s dive into your action step.
Your action step is to figure out where would you be most creative like where is your creativity currently being slowed down, stopped, stuck, prevented, blocked from fully unleashing, fully coming out at the highest level? Where is that for you? Where is it? Maybe it’s something you used to do in love. I remember I had a client who used to love to write scripts for movies. He had a dream of one day getting all those scripts picked up in Hollywood. And when we started working together he hadn’t done that in years and he started doing it again and, man, he just came alive. So what is that for you? It doesn’t have to be something that’s deemed productive or is going to make you a lot of money right away. It could just be something small, something simple. Maybe you like to paint. Maybe you like to sing when you’re in the shower. I don’t know what it is but you know what it is.
So your action step is to find what that thing is and then start doing it. Start doing it a little bit every day or a couple of times a week at whatever level you can. Awesome. So go ahead and do that for this week and before we end today now is the time to go get yourself a copy of The Solution to Social Anxiety Expanded 2015 Business Edition for just 99 cents on Kindle. You can go to socialanxietysolution.com and there’ll be a link right there to get yourself a copy of that book and we’re going to raffle 2 copies of Confidence Unleashed which is my gift to those of you who are, you know, supporting me. But, here’s the thing. This is not really about supporting me, this is about supporting everyone out there who is struggling or stuck with social anxiety because I’m not going to make any damage money on this 99-cent thing. This is about getting the word out there and this is about helping, you know, get this book to be a bestseller which then will help me reach more people.
And that’s my mission. And I know if you touched down in today’s part of the interview it might come in the next part of the interview but I talk about why I’m doing what I’m doing and how my purpose in this is to reach those people that need my help because that’s on some level what I’m here to do. I can’t quite fully explain it or understand it but I just know that to be true. And so, you’re going to be helping me help thousands of people and hopefully one day we can reach millions of people together and really make a dent in the social anxiety thing so so many people aren’t struggling and feeling lonely and feeling stuck with it.
So, that’s my mission for all of us and you can support me on that by going to socialanxietysolution.com and getting yourself a copy of that book and obviously if you want to leave a review, too, that would be awesome. And thank you so much for your support. And, next week we’re going to get back into the rest of that interview with Ben which is awesome, you’re not going to miss that. So stay tuned for that and until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.
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