Do you struggle with building relationships with friends, having girlfriends or having people like you?
Learn five things you can do today that will change how people see you. If you put these five practices into place today you will see a change in your social confidence.
Learn what not to do and what to start doing today to get people to like you!
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Do you want more people to like you? Do you want to be more sought after? Have more friends? Be more popular? Be more desirable? You want more women to want to date you? Do you want people to like you more? If you’re human then of course, the answer is yes. And in today’s episode, you’re going to learn exactly how to do that.
Hello, welcome to today’s episode of the show. I’m Dr. Aziz and today, you’re going to learn how to get people to like you. Oh yes, intriguing right? Especially based on other stuff you might have heard from me which is all about be yourself and I’m not too into the pick-up artist manipulation stuff. So, get people to like me. A, is that really possible and B, does it involve some sort of manipulation? Yes, it’s possible and no, you don’t have to manipulate people. I’m going to teach you how to do all that in today’s episode in a way that feels really good, really natural, win-win healthy optimal for you and all your relationships forever. Because as you know, that’s my biggest beef for the pick-up artist stuff is, it’s all about giving a short-term result A.K.A., her to have sex with you but not about creating an awesome, amazing, sustainable relationship with her or with other women or with other humans. It’s kind of a little bit I don’t know sociopathic. So, you know how to do this all in a really good way.
And I’m super excited and I’m going to dive right in. First though, send me your questions, or go to the shrinkfortheshyguy.com and send your … you can type a message or send me an audio there. And we’re making a big effort to actually answer a lot more questions. You might have noticed I actually started introducing some bonus segments? Oh yes, where we do the Ask the Shrink segment. So now, I can answer a lot more questions outside of the regular shows here. So, if you have questions send them my way so one of my team will get them to me and I’ll be answering them in the upcoming shows. And we are really close here to the early bird opportunity to come spend three days with me. So, if you think the show is helpful and is valuable and has helped you change and grow in your life, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
Come in together for three days and a weekend intensive as I call them. There’s a number of different names, people call their things, events, emergence, trainings even sometimes courses, I like to mine intensives. It might scare some people off but that’s really what they are. It’s like really, let’s take an intensive deep dive into confidence and how to transform it in your life. And that’s exactly the experience that I’m going for and the people have at this weekend. And so this one coming up is called “The Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough” and the tickets for the early bird should be going on sale tomorrow I believe or very close to it.
So, that’s a great way to really come to the event at a lower price than the standard ticket. And when you spend three days here, diving into that especially the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough which is all about power, social power, the power to be fully confident in yourself in any situation. Not care at all what other people think of you and that hesitation, “Oh no, I don’t quite like myself or feel okay about doing that.” We’re just going to blast all that out of the water. So, you’re totally rock solid confident, comfortable, secure, certain in yourself in any situation. That you can then go use to approach an attractive woman, no problem. Speak up in a group people, promote your business, step up in a big way maybe even create your own business because I know some of you really want to do that. But shit, that takes confidence, doesn’t it?
So, Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough is going to help you break through whatever is getting in your way to get to that next level of confidence. Early bird tickets go on sale. If you want to find out about the early bird, you have to be on my mailing list, my newsletter list. So, go to socialconfidencecenter.com and just enter your email there. We got an amazing e-book by the way called, “Five Steps to unleash your Confidence” which will really help you unleash that confidence. And then you’ll be able to get the updates and access to the early bird. You can also get on there I think from the Shrink for the Shy Guy page as well. Just enter your email. We’ll send you the stuff. Go get your ticket when they go open up tomorrow I believe is when it is. And yes, come and join me. I cannot wait to meet you. And we’ve had a number of people that have been at the weekends that actually started their journey with me on this podcast. And some of the people that really have transformed have like listened to every podcast and read my book. And one kid was there and he had like a notebook and he was like, “I write this every day” and the book he had of mine was all marked up with highlighter. So if you’re really committed, this is the place to come to really transform quickly. And I would love to see you there so, Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough.
Now, how to get people to like you, which is what you’re really curious about and what we all want to know. And my answer for you is a number. Now, are you ready? Sixty two, 62. The secret to getting to people to like you is 62. Like, what the fuck is this guy talking about? I’ll tell you. So, I want to share five ways to get people to like you. Coming up here and they’re very specific, they’re very powerful, they are very effective strategies. But here’s the thing and why 62 is so important. Are you ready? You’re not going to get everyone to like you. Not everybody is going to like you. It’s freaking impossible, it is weird. I mean, how would you have to be to get every single human to like you? You have to be the most multi-masked chameleon-like person in the world to keep changing yourself in that way.
So here’s the thing, not everyone is going to like you. And the significance of 62 is, out a room full of hundred people, if you’re going to walk in there and you didn’t know anyone and you used all of the strategies I’m going to share in a moment here with you and you are full of yourself, fully confident, fully open, fully badass, guess how many people would really like you and want to hang out with you, want to be your friend, want to date you? Sixty two. Now, I don’t know, that’s arbitrary number. It’s just a guess but it’s something, right? It’s not going to be a hundred and it’s going to be three as we tell ourselves it’s going to be three or one or zero, half the hundred or when we’re anxious or nervous or full of self-doubt. But it’s not going to be three and it’s not going to be hundred. It’s going to be … I would say above the middle though. I mean it depends upon how open you are really. But if you’re open and you’re yourself, maybe it’s high. Maybe it’s 70, maybe 50, maybe it’s half the people.And even among those 62 that liked you, there’s going to be a range right? Some are going to love you. Like “Oh men, I want to hang out with you. I want to be best friends with you, I want to date you, I want to marry you, I want to have your babies. And then there’s the … another chunk of that 62 that like you that are kind of like, “Oh yes, cool guy. I thought he was great, I like him. Maybe I could be friends with him.” And then there’s those 38 people that just don’t like you. It doesn’t mean they hate you. They’re just like, “Yes, whatever, it’s fine. I could not see him again, it’s okay,” and that is, and I don’t know if it’s 62 or 58 or 74 or whatever. But you get my point, right?
There’s some number of people that just aren’t going to like you. And you don’t want to use all these strategies as some desperate attempt to try to get everybody to like you. Does that make sense? So, we’re going to take a super short break right now. I want to get back into these five strategies, five ways to get people to like you. This is going to be super powerful. Get some notes ready. Get your mind primed to learn this stuff because when you start doing this, your social life, your dating life, your career, your work life, everything starts to magnify. Because the more people like you, the better life is, the better you feel and the more success you have too. So, stay tuned. We’ll be right back after this.
So let’s talk about these five ways to get people to like you. Real quick during the break, actually I had somebody in my team who’s way more organized than me said, “Hey, why don’t we give everyone listening access to the weekend early bird without needing to be on your list because that’s an extra step. And she actually created something to be able to learn more about the weekend right from … you can go to your phone or go the internet. So just go to the shrinkfortheshyguy.com/event, E-V-E-N-T event, shrinkfortheshyguy.com/event and there’ll be a bunch of information about this Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. You can find out about it, you can get an early bird ticket, all that stuff. So, thank you, Jenee, for making that happen and being more on it than I am.
So, five ways to get people to like you., here’s number one, are you ready? Now, some of these might seem basic. You might say, “Oh, I already know that” but you got to do it. You got to do it, here we go. Number one, be very present and attentive above all else. That’s the most important thing because we think, “Oh man, they’re not going to like me because I’m not impressive enough. I’m not confident enough. I’m not good-looking enough. I’m not successful enough.” Whenever we all have fears and insecurities and doubts and so we’re focused on “me.” And now I got to impress them and show that I am good enough. And none of that is going to work. You’ve got to become very present and attentive. You’ve got to breathe and bring your focus out of “me” in your mind and into your body, your breathing, your feet on the floor. What you’re taking in through your ears, your eyes, your senses and pay attention to them. Breathe and listen as they’re talking. Notice their eye color. I was just talking with a woman yesterday. I was at a conference and I mean we talked only once before for about two minutes. So, it was like a longer … I was sitting next to her at this dinner thing. And so we talked for I don’t know … probably a good 30 minutes during the dinner, I was talking to her. And when I was listening to her, I was paying attention to her eye color, her make-up, the way she had this kind of make-up around her eyes, on her eyelashes, her hair.
I was listening to the words about what she was saying. I was listening … I was like hearing more about her. Not just what she was saying but she was describing things. I was thinking about what’s important to her, what does she value? What does she like? What is her life like? She’s telling me about just recently getting married. I wonder what that is like not just, “Oh, she’s married.” There’s a piece of data about her but oh, it’s interesting experience. I wonder what it’s like emotionally to get married. Because I know from experience that it’s a big deal. So, you got to be really present and attentive and really focus on the other person. And people feel that. They drink that up. That’s like nourishment.
And on the flip side, people feel the opposite. Nothing shoots you in the foot more than being distracted, looking around the room, being really fidgety because you’re nervous. All of that communicates on some level that you’re not as interested in them. And it’s unfortunate because you might say, “Oh no, I am but I’m just really so nervous.” But you’re so nervous because you’re focused on “me” and how I’m coming across, right? So, who are you paying attention to most in that situation? Well, maybe not mostly “you” but a lot “you.” So, we’ve got to let that go. And if that’s an issue like, “Oh man, I never can do that.” Look there’s a ton of resources here in this podcast. Go back and listen to other episodes. Find out how to be more comfortable in your own skin, how to stop judging yourself. I mean there’s dozens of things just in this podcast alone or get the confidence code program that will really help you drop a lot of that self- awareness or self-consciousness I should say. So step one, be really present and attentive.
Another way to get people to like you and this one is interesting, are you ready? Talk more. Now I know that might sound contradictory or maybe from what I just said or even what you heard elsewhere which is like, well, listen a lot, ask them a lot of questions, focus in on them, don’t talk so much, right? You talk about yourself a lot and bad things happen. So, when I say talk more, I don’t mean fill the air waves and just go on non-stop without a break. Yes, that wears at people or makes them not want to hang out with you as much. I’m talking about just speak up a little more than you might be inclined to because here … beyond the first wave, these next four waves are all under this umbrella. Are you ready?
Let people know you more. That’s how you get them to like you is you let them know you more. Now of course, if you’re attentive, and you’re present, and you’re curious and you’re interested in getting to know them, that’s the first part, right? But then for them to like you, they have to know you. They have to feel like they know you. They have to be interested and connected in some way to you because they’ve gotten to know you. In fact, if you were to ask someone like, “Well, do you like so and so or are you drawn to them?” They might say, “Well, I don’t really feel like I know them yet.” This is sometimes some feedback. I work with people on groups or one on one or on a weekend or whatever. And they’ll say, “Yes, someone gave me the feedback that they feel like I don’t let them get to know me or I’m not that open with them. They don’t feel like they know me.” So what we’re doing is we’re blocking it. We’re blocking it out of fear of getting rejected, fear of being hurt. So, we kind of keep a distance. So, this is a way of letting people know you more. And talking more is part of that. That means we need to blurt out stuff. We need to say something.
So if you’re totally quiet, people won’t get to know you as much. So if you’re at a group and there’s four people and people are chatting, you just say some stuff. You talk more, you insert yourself more. Or in a one on one conversation with someone, you speak up more than you normally would and you just say things. I have a client who’s working on this and his mind stops him from speaking up because in his mind, it says, “Ah, what’s the point of sharing this. Oh, this is pointless to share.” And so my challenge for him this week was talk about the things that aren’t worth talking about. Share the things that are pointless to share.
Let’s break this habit. So talk more, speak up more. And I’m going to refine this over these next three ways to get people to like you into what do I exactly mean? What do I talk more? Do I tell them a 30-minute story about my new cat litter? No, no, you don’t. You don’t tell anyone that story. It’s not as exciting to anyone else as it might be to you. So, keep that one to yourself. No, I’m talking about sharing more. And we’re going to dive into the ways that you can share more. In fact, we’re getting into some of them right now. So, talk more is the main step or main way. Let’s go a little more granular with that.
Share more is number three, the third way to get people to like you. Share your thoughts, ideas and opinions more. So, just start being a little more forthcoming with them. Blurt them out, “Oh, I think this,” or “Oh, I was thinking about that,” right or “I just learned this,” or “I paid attention to that,” right or “Oh, did you know this?” And you’re just sharing stuff that you learned, that you heard, your opinions, your thoughts, your ideas. It matters, it’s important, it’s relevant. You want to insert that. That’s what you’re doing when you’re talking more. This is one of the things that you want talk about more, does that make sense? It’s super important because information like really detailed information is not what gets people to like you. So if you’re like, “Yes well, my brother came up from … visited this last weekend and he works as a lawyer. And he works in a public defender firm and he does trials there and they did this and that and this is and that.” You’re going on and on and on. It was detail, detail, detail about someone that’s not even you, you’re going to lose people. It’s got … you want to share your thoughts, your ideas, your opinions.
So the topic of my brother might be fine, someone’s like “Oh yes, my sister is a lawyer.” But then “Oh no way, my brother is a lawyer. He’s a public defender.” And I say, “Oh, interesting.” And I say, “Yes, you know it’s crazy because I was just talking to him to other day and I train in clinical psychology.” So I’m sharing more about myself spontaneously, they didn’t ask me. I’m just sharing it. And you know what? In all my years of training, he has dealt with like more mental illness, more people struggling, more crazy, more addiction, more like just people in the worst … most challenging times and places of their life. He probably deals with more of that in like one month, one year than I dealt with in all my training.
All right, so now, I’m sharing my thought or idea about, “Wow, as a public defender, you’re really helping people that are really struggling, especially with mental health which is crazy to think that he has more contact than a psychologist would, right? But that’s an idea, that’s an opinion about him and his situation. Does that make sense? You don’t want to get into nitty-gritty millions of details. That bores the shit out of people. You want to share your thought or idea about it. And now that’s interesting. Now I can engage with that person. And that’s not the only thing to share to share. In fact, there’s two more super powerful things which are number four and five of the ways to get people to like you. And we’ll share those with you in just a moment when we get back right after this break.
So, what’s the fourth way to get people to like you? Well, this is an extension of what we’re just talking about. This one is sharing feelings. Feeling, that’s right. Sharing feelings or emotions or not just the information or the ideas but how you feel about something. So, do you like it or not like it? Do you love it or do you hate it? This is your passion, this is your emotion, this is something that people really bond over. So if someone is like, “Oh, I just went skiing this last weekend.” And I said, “Oh, that’s cool, where did you go skiing,” right? Then we can have a conversation about that. But if I would be like, “Oh man, I love skiing and I love it,” and there is an emotion there. Now, especially if they like skiing, they’re going to like me more. We’re going to like each other more. This doesn’t mean you kind of say you love everything that everyone else does, unless it’s true. But if it’s true, then you want to share your feelings about something. And guess what? You can share your feelings even if it’s not love. Maybe you don’t like something.
And you might say, wow, that’s real rude to share that you don’t like something that they obviously like to do. You know what? Maybe you need to be a little more rude. Well, that’s nice because guess what? That’s going to create interest and connection. So, let’s say someone is like, “Ah, I just went skiing last weekend” and let’s say I don’t like, “Ah, I don’t like skiing. I like snowboarding.” But I might say it like, “Ah, yes man. I’m not a big fan of skiing. I actually like snowboarding a lot more.” So, there’s some feeling there, right? Now that is still better than not sharing anything about myself. So, even if you disagree or there’s like a difference of feeling, that’s great, that’s energy. You don’t need to feel the same way about everything with the person you’re talking to. In fact if you do, it’s kind of a boring conversation. You’re just kind of probably pleasing them. So, you want to share how you feel about something. I love this, I don’t like that. This is so important to me. This is so exciting to me. I never want to do that again. All right, so let more of the emotion, the passion come out of you because that’s going to connect you even more deeply to other people.
The last thing to do of the five ways to get people to like you, the fifth way, share your successes and your struggles. This is super important and super rare. People love you when you do. You share your successes and your struggles and guess what? Both of those can feel pretty vulnerable to do. We’re afraid to share our successes because we think … I mean who knows, there’s so many blocks to this. They’re going to judge me for my success, for bragging. They’re going to judge me because they think I’m better than they are. Maybe I did something they haven’t done yet or couldn’t do. They don’t want to hear this. These are all things that I told myself in the past that stopped me from sharing my successes. And then our struggles were like, “Oh, I don’t want people to know that I’m struggling with this. That’s going to make me look bad. They’re going to think I’m not perfect. They’re not going to like me.”
But when you share your successes and your struggles, people love you. They’re powerfully drawn to you and when I teach these weekends, like the weekend I was talking about, the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough, I make a very clear intention to share my struggles with everyone there because if I … you come there and I’m like, “Look at me, I’ve mastered the confidence and everything is perfect and just do this and everything’s perfect,” like that sets up a weird kind of distance between you and me, doesn’t it? At some level, you’re like, “Wait a minute, I want that but also like that’s not … I’m never going to have that or he must be different than me.” But if I’m like “Hey, look at all this cool stuff I’m doing and I’ve got to tell, I was so in my head for two days before this weekend trying to make everything perfect because I was worried about people not liking me and people judging me and thinking this wasn’t that good enough for them to come here.
But you know what? I want to let that script go and just see how I can help everyone here like if I say something like that which I did at the last weekend which was true, it bonds us together. They so closer to me and here’s the thing, when you share your successes and struggles, not only that people feel closer to you and like you more, you feel closer to them. It’s two ways. All these ways of talking about, about getting people to like you also helps you like them more. This is how to connect more deeply with people. This is how to love people and saying, how to get people to like you is definitely more intriguing because we want that and it’s true but it’s also about connection. So speaking of that, that brings us to our action step.
Your action step for this week is to review this five. Take one of them and make it your focus for the week. Don’t take all five, it could be overwhelming. You could keep them in the back of your mind but make one your primary focus like you know what? I’m going to share more of my feelings about things this week. Or you know what? I’m actually going to just insert and talk a little bit more. Or you know what? I want to focus on being super present and attentive this week. Less focus on me, more focus on them. Or you know what? I’m going to share some of my successes and struggles, I don’t really do that. And if you’re wondering which one to pick, pick the one that scares you the most. I think in my opinion, if you want to tone it down, pick an easier one.
But my opinion, if you really want to fucking breakthrough fast and achieve higher and higher levels of confidence, more and more, better and better and increase the quality of our life tenfold, a hundredfold, a thousandfold, you’ve got to do what scares you. And you’ve got to do what scares you a lot. So, find the one like, “Oh, sharing my successes, ew, that feels … I don’t have any successes, shit.” Well then find some successes and share them. Or maybe like sharing my struggles, I never do that. Well then do that, do what scares you. Do what scares you until fear has absolutely no power to stop you from doing anything that you want in this life. And then share how it goes. Go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com, send me a message, give me a question there. I love to answer those in upcoming segments. You can also go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com/event, E-V-E-N-T, event where you can learn all about the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough coming up. And the tickets on the early bird should go on sale at the beginning or tomorrow, I think. All right and until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.
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