How To Unleash Your Confidence

 

Blast Through Inner Obstacles And Unlock Deep Confidence In Yourself

Do you spend much of your time hesitating, holding back, and doubting yourself? Do you feel limited or stuck in certain areas of your life?

If so, today’s episode is going to help you profoundly. You are going to learn how to unleash your confidence. You’ll discover how to unleash a sense of power, strength, certainty, and drive so you can feel confident and go after what you want in life with boldness and courage.

Click below to hear this episode!

Unleash Your Confidence

Welcome to today’s episode of the show. Today we’re going to talk about how to unleash your confidence. And if you want to dive in to the show and send messages and just follow the whole thing go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com. You can also go to facebook.com/socialconfidence and those are ways to stay in touch with us and stay in touch with me. And I’d love to hear about your successes, your challenges, hear about your journey because that’s absolutely what it is. And today is going to be like rocket fuel for your journey.

It’s how to unleash your confidence and many of you know that I have a program called The Confidence Unleashed and many of you know that an entirely new version is just coming out we’re in the launch period for that right now and it is, I mean we got an incredible feedback on the first version of Confidence Unleashed and that’s cool and I want to have the biggest impact that I can that’s why this show is always getting better that’s why that program I took all the feedback I got and saw what was working and then I took everything that had worked in sessions with people and one on ones, in groups. I saw what the most powerful stuff was in weekend intensives. One on one weekends and group weekend. I saw firsthand what was having the biggest impact making the quickest most powerful shift and then I put that all into the new videos, into the new version of Confidence Unleashed and I’m going to share some of the gym some of the top best stuff from that program with you today for free so you can apply it in your life and start unleashing your confidence.

And the first thing that we need to do about unleashing your confidence. First of all, let’s do this. In a program we talked about confidence targets because, you know, that’s often the case I’ll do maximize your confidence session with someone or sometimes do these offers to my list where people can do sessions with me and they’re excited to talk with me they’re like, oh I saw you on YouTube. And they’re really excited and like, great, let’s dive into it. And because people like I don’t know for some reason they know my story which is why they relate to me but then some of them they don’t believe my story. They’re like, you? I mean, yeah it’s inspiring but come on you’re not, you weren’t really shy. And I was like, dude, I was and I still deal with this stuff, right? I mean I’m just applying what I teach. Anyway they’re all excited to talk with me and we dive in and they’re like, okay, here’s my 17 problems and I’m like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Problems are great, we’re going to get to problems and we could spend 5 hours talking about problems and not getting anywhere.


What I like you to do right now is take your right hand and put it right in front of your face. Don’t touch your face put in right in front of your face like maybe an inch away. Okay, good. Now keep it in front of your face and then turn your head keeping your hand right in front of you and then look up keeping your hand right in front of you and look down keeping your hand right in front of you. That’s like our problems. They’re like smashed right in front of our face like omelet on our face and everywhere we look that’s what we’re seeing and then we’re trying to chip away at them and make them disappear and, you know what that’s never going to happen because you can’t just eliminate all the problems and somehow have confidence. No. You got to be going towards something and then on the way you’re pushing past over coming or letting go of those problems on the way to something else. Does that make sense? That’s like the old, you know, kind of classic example of someone smoking and they want to stop smoking they can’t just stop smoking. They have to stop smoking and replace it with something else with a new activity that meets needs perhaps running, perhaps something else, being part of a gym or you know ideally something physically healthy. But do you get the point here? We can’t just focus on the problem we got to focus on the solution. We got to say where I want to get to and that’s where we dive into inside Confidence Unleashed. It’s what is your confidence target and there’s a whole several videos and the module 1 about that.

What Would Your Confidence Look Like?

But let’s do a mini version of that right now. What is your confidence target? If you had, and this is a question I ask people is, if you can wave a realistic magic wand and have all the confidence that you wanted, just abundance of confidence in yourself. What would your life look like? What would you be doing differently? What comes out from you when I ask that question? Now if doubt comes up, It’s not possible. I don’t know how would I even get there. We’ll get to that in a minute. See if you can just put that aside and just really imagine. If I really had that confidence what would it be? What would I do? How would I interact with people? How would you walk into a room? How would you join into groups of people? How would you be at work? Do you do sales? How would you be in sales? Do you speak up in meetings? How would you speak up in meetings? Would you be a leader? Think even bigger. Think even further down the line not just this month but what about 5 years from now if you had that confidence every day. What would your relationships look like? Would you walk up to women that you’re attracted to and start dating more? Would you have an amazing girlfriend? Would you have a wife? Would you have a family? What are your confidence targets?

Because we got to know what we’re going for. We got to know what we want. And even if you’re not entirely sure you’re just like, I just want more confidence. Well, usually we want to do something with that confidence. I mean, sure, we want to feel good about ourselves and maybe that part of your target it’s like, why would I be doubting myself? I wouldn’t be second guessing myself. That’s a great target, too, and with that certainty in yourself what would you be doing in your life? How would you be enjoying your life more? How would you be trusting in yourself more? So what are your confidence targets? Great. And another thing we dive into in the program is aiming higher because when I do this with people, you know, face to face you know they go for maybe 50% of what they really want or they’re like, yeah, that would be great to be able to talk to women. Sure, that would be awesome. That’s not what they really want. What they really want is to be able to walk up to any woman that they’re attracted to and start a conversation have it go well and have their number or have it not go the way they want and then walk away and still feel great about themselves and then they want to be able to date several women and find an awesome one have her be their girlfriend and it’s an amazing beautiful woman that’s funny and sweet and intelligent that just rocks their world. That’s what they want. But they don’t tell me that right away. I got to kind of draw it out of them.

Now why wouldn’t we say what we really want right from the beginning? Because it’s scary, right? Scary about what am I going to have to do to get it. Oh my god I can’t do that identity crap that comes up. I’m not good enough, is that going to work for me, all that stuff gets in the way, right? So what is it that you want? Can you make it really clear for yourself and then what gets in the way?

I fact that’s what we’re going to do in a minute we’re going to dive in to what gets in the way, what stops you from going after her? But first we have to have these confidence targets.

So did anything shift? Did you come up with any cool? Maybe you already have. Maybe you already have a great vision for what it is that you want with more confidence. And some people say well my goal is to get rid of social anxiety to not have social anxiety. And that’s good but I still don’t know what that means. What do you replace it with? What did it look like? You know what social anxiety looks like, feels like, smells like, tastes like. Tastes like pain. Right? But what does confidence feel like, look like? So, I’m not going to  the point but that’s exactly what you need to do is we need to focus on where we want to get to. Then we got look at what gets in the way and that’s what we’re going to do right now.

First and foremost the thing that gets in the way before anything else, before fear, before all that stuff is we’re stuck in the passenger seat in life. I mean I was for many years almost everyone that I work with on some level is starting out in the passenger seat. Maybe not in all areas of their life but definitely in this area of social confidence, confidence themselves, work confidence, dating confidence, whatever area they’re working on with me. Usually it turns out they’re working on all areas of confidence because they realize soon after talking to me that it’s all connected. But, how do we get out of the passenger seat into the driver seat. And here’s what I mean is in the passenger seat you don’t have any control. You’re going wherever the driver wants to go. I mean maybe you can ask him to take you somewhere or request it or complain about it but you ultimately don’t have any control. The driver is deciding where you go.

And I found so many people and I know I did this for years approach life in the passenger set as if there’s someone else driving and that someone else is maybe a rotating character. My boss determines this. My partner, my wife, my husband determines this. My friends determine this. Those strangers determine this. Other people determine how I feel, what I do, what I pursue in my life, how much I enjoy myself Other people determine everything and it puts us in this like victim stance where we’re the passenger, we’re stuck, we’re frustrated. I would do that but I can’t because of this and I can’t because of that. Or, we’re the passenger in our own emotions or we’re the passenger in our own, I would do that but I can’t because I have this or I’m not good enough. All that stuff. And whatever it is it puts us in to the passenger seat or we forget that we have control and that we’re choosing where to go. We are, you are driving.

Well, let’s see here. You’re always driving. It’s the illusion that you’re in the passenger seat you might have let go of the wheel. You might be pretending you’re in the passenger seat but you are driving. Where you are in your life right now is a result of the decisions and the choices that you’ve made up until this point and you can choose differently. I don’t necessarily mean choosing what to do that’s one thing but you can choose what you focus on in a given moment. And then you can also choose the meaning that you give an event.

So, when you go talk to someone and they don’t seem that interested in talking to you you can focus on them and their experience and maybe their eyebrows going down and then, you know, looking like they’re judging you or you can focus on how you showed up or just put yourself out there. You can focus on the result that, oh they don’t like me. You can focus on the fact that I took action. And then you can choose to give meaning, right? You can say, they didn’t like me therefore I suck, therefore I’m a loser, I was too much of this, I wasn’t enough of that, I shouldn’t have said that, what was wrong with me, I’m an idiot. Or you can choose to make it mean something entirely different. I don’t know what’s going on with that person. I was warm and friendly looks like I pushed one of their buttons.

I was talking with someone a little while back and he said that he asked a barista at a coffee shop, you know. He was talking with her and she said, I’m in college. He said, what’s your major? And she said, ugh, I hate that question. And he was telling me, ugh I should have asked that. I was like, what? That’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask someone they say they’re in college, what are you studying, right, and what’s the big deal. Now she’s got a button that you pushed and so you can choose to make it mean I messed up I should’ve known I shouldn’t have asked that question or you could choose to make it mean, wow she’s sensitive about that. And then, you know, when you’re bold and you’ve unleashed your confidence you can actually push a little further say, whoa, looks like I pushed one of your buttons. Don’t ask you about a major. Interesting. Sounds like it’s going real well for you.

I mean I just tease her a little bit. So that’s just an example but when you give it a different meaning then you can choose to do something different. You can choose to approach someone again. You can choose to make a joke. You can choose to lean in further. You can choose to ask again. You can choose all kinds of things but the key word here is choice. You are in the driver seat. And if you have any doubt about that if you’re like, it doesn’t feel that way. I know I understand that and I wish I had more time to get into that now but there’s a bunch of stuff I want to cover and if you want to go deeper we’ll talk more about it in a little but you got to check out the new version of Confidence Unleashed it’s on an incredible sale right now during this launch this opening so now is the time to jump in on it and you’re going to learn all of this stuff I mean this is  minutes together here today, something like that. I mean that program is like 9 modules and I don’t even know how long it is maybe 12 hours of stuff of really in depth with the workbook and all that stuff. So if you want to go much deeper check that out.

That’s the first thing we got to get in the driver’s seat.  The second thing is you, okay so there’s layers and I’ve seen this in working with people. There’s layers of protection that prevent you from living the life that you want from having the confidence that you want. And the outer most layer is what I call excuses and these are all the things that put us in the passenger seat. I would but, and then we focus on something external like, there’s no attractive women in my town, people when they get over 30 don’t want to make new friends, everyone at my work is closed off and a jerk, you know I can’t get a better career because I didn’t grow up in the right family, I didn’t have the right upbringing, I don’t have the right connections. You see it’s like putting stuff on the outside world that’s the layer or excuses, that’s the passenger seat thing we’ve been talking about.

The next layer of protection so if you bust through the excuse and say, you know what, fuck that. I ‘m the driver of my life if circumstances aren’t working for me I can decide to respond to them differently and try something different. I’m flexible, I’m fluid, I’m like water, I’m going to find a way around it to say you adopted that. That would be awesome if you did. Now you break through the excuses you’re not there yet. Guess what bumped into then. Aahh, what the excuses were protecting you from. So you can think about each layer is like protecting from something deeper. So you got the excuses, you break through the excuses, and now you get to a deeper layer. Stories. Stories. Stories are the things that you say about you that stop you not the outside world. Things like, oh I’m not good enough, I’m not attractive, I’m ugly, I’m boring, I’m stupid, I’m clumsy, I’m awkward, I’m not skilled enough, I should be better than I am somehow, right? And then there’s a list. I mean you could just go on and on. The stories or the negative things you say about yourself the limiting things. And there’s all kinds of stories.

There’s stories about your identity like who I am, I’m a shy person. Someone said to me recently, I’m a nervous person and someone else said, oh I could go out but I’m shy so this is how it’s going to go and this is how I’ll be. And I said, are you sure you have to show up that way? And then he just kind of paused. And it was just introducing the idea of reinventing yourself, of flexibility, or that you’re not just one way and trust me I’ve shown up one way in my life and I’ve shown up an entirely different way and I’m still Aziz. So what does that mean? It means that there’s such an incredible flexibility inside of you that you don’t have to show up shy. That’s just a pattern. That’s not who you are. So there’s this identity story. There’s also stories of ability like oh I’m not capable to do that, I can’t do that, I’m not good enough to do that, I would never be able to learn that. And man, we have some just horrible BS stories of ability that are totally false that basically are all based upon I don’t want to look bad, I don’t want to fail. They have nothing to do with your ability.

I mean, little kids who don’t care about failing and looking bad can learn stuff like crazy and incredibly quickly and we can too when we throw ourselves into it but we have all these stories of ability, I’m not good enough. So, those are stories. Beneath that is another layer.

I want to take a quick break we’re going to dive in to what that layer is and then how to blast through all of this stuff.

So stay tuned, we’ll be right back right after this.

Welcome back. So what’s underneath, we got excuses, underneath that we got stories. What’s underneath your story? Let’s just say you stopped believing. I’m not attractive or those people don’t want to talk to me or this person’s going to say no when I ask you know have a sales conversation or sales presentation. Let’s say you eliminated that story. Then what are you more likely to do? That’s right.

Go have a sales conversation. Go talk to those people. Go ask that woman out. And then what happens if you imagine doing that? Right now imagine going out and doing that thing that the story was telling you that you couldn’t it, you’re not capable of, that you’re not good enough, that it’s not who you are. Imagine just going and doing it. What happens then? Yeah! Now we’re getting down into it. Fear. Fear happens then. That’s the layer beneath stories. So excuses are protecting us from stories, stories are protecting us from fear and that’s really the main thing. And feeling fear is horribly unpleasant we don’t like it. We want to avoid it. We want to avoid situations that create fear, it’s a natural human impulse, it’s built into our nervous system. So we have to override that though because if you live your life avoiding fear that’s not a life, that’s surviving and you’re going to be miserable or maybe not horribly abjectly miserable because you can distract yourself enough with TV and hanging out on the weekend with some friends if you’re lucky enough to have that or getting drunk or getting high or whatever. You can block it somehow. You can try to minimize it somehow but there’s going to be emptiness inside because you’re not living fully and you know that on some level.

And so we have to face our fears. We have to break through our fears and there are so many ways to do that. In fact, inside the Confidence Unleashed the new version of the program there’s an entire modules like an entire maybe, oh god almost like an hour or more dedicated to how to overcome fear, how to blast through fear. There’s dozens of techniques and exercises and activities by the end of that you’ll be like vibrating with power in yourself to blast through and this program is not a passive learning thing where you just kind of watch it and like, that’s some interesting intellectual ideas. No. It’s about action because that is the way through fear. I mean there are some powerful techniques I’ll share with you of how to release fear, how to build up courage and power in the face of fear, and then ultimately though the whole program and this whole show and the whole thing I’m trying to do in this worlds is designed to get you into action because, you know, you can break through fear at home and get energized and really you really can you will in the program. Like release the fear feel more powerful than you ever have but then you got to get out there and you got to it. You got to go take that action that scares you. I mean, it’s the simplest thing and it is the most true thing and it is the reason that people do not succeed.

I was just talking to someone yesterday and they’re interested in working with me in a group and they’re really excited about it but he said, but you know I really have a lot of doubts because I’ve done stuff in the past and it didn’t work out and I’m scared about getting my hopes up. I said, great, what have you done? He said, well, I read this book and I did this and I did therapy and I read this. And I was like, great, that sounds like you’ve done a lot of inside work. How much have you put in to action? What action have you taken? And he’s like, aahh, well that’s where my challenge is. And I said, well, it’s no surprise to me that you haven’t had the progress that you want, the results that you want because you can read 5000 books on this subject and if you don’t out it into action nothing’s going to change. I mean, maybe some insight will help but, you know, it’s just not going to produce the last thing shift in your life. Decisive action is what changes your life. It’s what changes you. It’s what transforms you. And if you take that decisive action enough fear just disappears, fear is obliterated. Now it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t come up again when you reached the next level but the thing that used to scare you no longer scares you or it’s there just a little bit of fear a little bit of nervousness but you just push right past it and it’s no big deal.

That’s how you unleash your confidence is by taking that radical action in the face of fear and this show is so much I can do to help you get there. I think working with me is a powerful way to do that if you really want to take that step but intermediate step like a smaller commitment in working with me because it’s a big commitment of time, money, energy, focus. Sometimes people fly out here for weekend intensives if we’re doing that but *0:32:48 people just do Skype from all over the world but regardless there’s another way which is with this program, Confidence Unleashed. Let me just talk with you for just a minute about that program because it contains the keys to break through to a higher level of confidence than you’ve ever experienced and I absolutely guarantee that. I mean, I think this program is rocket fuel, it’s ultra powerful.

Right now we’re doing the launch so you can check it out. You can get it if you’re not totally satisfied, if it doesn’t produce amazing results for you then you can just return it with no questions asked. That’s how much I believe in the stuff in this program because I’ve seen it work with people face to face. This isn’t some theory. This isn’t some intellectual idea that I’m testing out. This is stuff that I’ve done and I’ve seen it produce powerful results in myself and in many clients that I’ve worked with face to face, over the phone, via Skype, in groups, all over the place. So we’re going to dive into helping you set really clear confidence targets, aiming higher, removing all the BS that stops you from believing in yourself to be able to create amazing exciting goals that juice you. Because you want to have a compelling future that excites you. That’s how you’re going to motivate yourself and there’s a whole section on self compassion. You’re going to let go of the toxic way of motivating yourself, your self criticism, you’re going to release that crap and be able to motivate yourself through excitement, through enthusiasm, through inspiration and energy then we’re going to help you get into the driver seat of your life so you feel in control, in-charge, certain in yourself. You’re going to see the needs that are driving you underneath and how to let go of needing the cling to safety. You’re going to learn about your safety police. This is the force inside of you that’s keeping you small, that is keeping you stuck, those are all the voices in your head that tell you you can’t that criticizes you, that say you’re not good enough, that say that people won’t like you. You’re going to learn how to blast through all of those then we’re going to get to the modules where we eliminate toxic stories and replace them with more empowering stories.

What would your life be like if instead of when you got to a social situation were it’s in business, in a meeting, at a party, wherever, on the street. Any interaction with people instead of a sense of they’re not going to like me, it’s not going to go well, I’m kind of boring, or whatever your old BS stories are what if you showed up with a story that was like people love me and everyone likes talking to me, I’m incredibly charming and people love me. I’m a charismatic leader and people love talking to me. What if not only was that your story, your belief, but that was true for you like you installed it in a way that it felt true for you. That’s what we do in the third module of this program is eliminate all these BS stories then now that we’ve removed stories guess what we got to focus on? That’s right. Fear. So we’re going to help you shred through fear and unleash the courage and the boldness and the power that you may have never felt in your life. I mean this program is very active, we use your body, we have a workbook, so we help you unlock and unleash all of this stuff.

Then we get into the applied sections of the program. So you have all this raw power and all these goals that you have and you’ve released the story, you’ve overcome fear, you have confidence. Now, how do we apply it in business, in sales conversations, in meetings, in showing up as a leader in your work, in assertiveness, then we also apply in dating and relationships. And even if you’re already in a relationship you’re already married there’s going to be powerful stuff in there about how to show up with more masculine power in yourself, more confidence in yourself, more certainty, or if you’re looking to meet someone there’s great stuff in there as well for that. There’s a bunch of applied sections as well in the second part of the program and then we look at kind of expanding it through your entire life and how to bring everything full circle.

You can tell how excited I am about it I’m enthusiastic. So, to check it out go to confidenceunleashednow.com. Find out more about it. You can get on a waiting list for it and I’m not sure when you’re listening to this too you might be able to actually get it too if it’s during the launch dates. And if you’re listening to this episode way later then go check it out. The program will still be available during this launch it’s way less of an investment than it will be later. But no matter what the investment is I mean this is worth… You know I had a video editor. Let me share one more last thing about this. I had a video editor who was editing all these videos. He’s not working on this stuff I mean he doesn’t consider himself that shy. He’s got a wife. He’s, you know, a regular guy and he was working on this program and he came to me and he said, “Aziz, thank you for letting me edit this.” And I was like, uh, you’re welcome, thank you for doing it. And he said, “You know, I don’t really consider myself shy or something.” And he’s like, “This tremendously benefitted me in my own business, my own relationship.” He’s like, “I’ve done some therapy,” he’s like, “This is better than a year of therapy.” And he was really enthusiastic and I was really appreciative that he got so much out of it and he was like affirming o me and I was like, yes, it works.

And I mean a year of therapy is like I don’t know like 7000 dollars maybe give or take maybe more. So I mean, yeas, there’s… and I honestly depends upon your therapist, right? Someone might not know all this stuff. So anyway, we’re way over time here let’s end with your, if you want to check out this program go to confidenceunleashednow.com and let’s end with your action step.

Your action step for today is to look at what layer is holding you back. Is it excuses? Are you telling yourself stuff about the outside world how you’re not in control, how you’re a victim of circumstance? Is it more about you? Is it about stories. I’m not good enough identity stories. That’s not who I am. People don’t like me. I’m not attractive. Or stories of ability, I can’t, I’m not good enough, I’ll fail. It’s the stories that’s getting in your way. Is it just raw fear like you’ve seen through the stories, you want to take action, and then this fear stops you. And whichever it is find out where it is and bust through it. Go to the next layer and then take action. Action is the antidote. Action will free you. Action is the way to break through all of this BS and all of this garbage. The more action you take the more free that you’ll become.

So, thanks for joining me here today. Share what you’re learning, what’s working for you. Go to facebook.com/socialconfidence. You can also go toshrinkfortheshyguy.com. And if you want to check out the program during the launch here go to confidenceunleashednow.com. I’d love to see you inside of that program. There’s all kinds of extra stuff we’re going to be doing including follow up bonus calls for the first people that joined so by all means go check that out and I’d love to see you inside of those calls and maybe one day work with you in person because the one thing I want you to take away from today and from the show and from any, you know, conversations and communications that you and I have, is this absolutely possible? It’s absolutely possible to get more confidence in yourself. Don’t believe anything in your mind that tells you otherwise. Guess what that is? A story. An identity story. Oh this is just how I am or nobility story, oh maybe it’s possible for other people but I can’t. So shed that shit. Let it go and I’d love to help you on that journey and I’d love to just interact with you whether when we’re together or not you just want to share your story with me I would love to hear that.

So, until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

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