Discover The Secret To Making 2015 The Best Year Of Your Life
New Years! The time that many people will sit down and come up with new year goals. Resolutions. Those are powerful, but there’s something that is much more powerful and much more effective.
Don’t ask yourself, “what am I going to do next year?”
Ask yourself, “who am I going to be next year?”
Join Dr. Aziz as he reveals the most powerful force inside of you, and how to use this force to not only achieve the goals you want, but to feel fulfilled and excited along the way.
Click below to hear this episode!
The Two Forces That Control Your Destiny
Welcome to today’s show which is the New Year’s, New Year new you. Welcome to 2015. I’m incredibly excited to be stepping into this New Year with you and today you’re going to learn some very valuable skills, some key insights that I’m just getting from recent sessions with clients because that’s what I do. I’m working with clients, all day all week and I take the best stuff, the most distilled information, the key breakthroughs that they’re having and I condense them down into this podcast and in my programs Confidence Unleashed and the Confidence Code and that’s why I’m constantly revamping them and redoing them. In fact, if it hasn’t already happened to this point in the next couple of weeks or so, we are going to be re-releasing new versions 2.0s of the Confidence Code and Confidence Unleashed that are just action packed with even more valuable stuff that’s coming from working with people day in and day out and seeing what’s really the most effective.
So, this is not just some theoretical idea or me just thinking a stuff that it seems like it would work. It’s like this is what actually works. This is what the biggest shifts that are happening in the real world of Confidence Coaching and overcoming any sort of fear and social anxiety. So, I’m excited to share those with you in this episode. If you like to be part of the show, by all means call the show hotline at (206) 338-3176, that’s (206) 338-3176. Check out the show at shrinkfortheshyguy.com and the Facebook page, Faceboo.com/shrinkfortheshyguy. Become part of the conversation.
I’d love to hear you questions or comments or anything that you like to share with me and I will respond to you. So, today we’re going to be looking at how to create a new you in 2015. Now don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to be fixed. This isn’t about that. I mean when I say new you, it’s really an expansion of yourself. It’s growing into all the areas that you can grow into. It’s becoming bigger and better and more of who you already are in your core because all of us have a force that is keeping us small.
There are two major forces. There’s an expansive force and there’s a contracting force. You can think about it like in outer space there’s a star that can explode outwards and there’s the star that can implode and create a black hole and we have those forces inside of us, too. There’s an expansive force that’s like, now what is your expansive right now? You know it tends to be alive in people when it comes to the New Year and they have all these ideas and resolutions and goals or maybe one of the people that are like, “Screw all that pressure to come up with some great goal. I’m against resolutions.”
But regardless of your kind of on the bandwagon of resolutions which I am by the way, I think it’s an awesome time to really evaluate what you’d like to be stirring your life towards. But regardless if you’re on that bandwagon or not, you have an expansive force inside of you, don’t you? You want things. You want to grow. I mean why are you listening to this show? There’s a party. It is like “I want to have more confidence in myself” and what would you do with more confidence? Well, the first question I ask people when they want to work with me is they will come to me and say, “I want to get more, I want to be more confident” and I’m like, “Well, great but then what? What do you want to do with that confidence?” because confidence as an emotional state, it feels good but you don’t generate confidence by just closing your eyes and making it happen.
It’s a very active process and it involves you going after what you want in the world and you build the confidence as you do it and you gain the confidence to go do it. It’s like a cycle. It’s a loop. So, what would you do with more confidence? Would you talk to people? Would you create better friendships, more friendships? Would you be dating or meeting women? Would you improve your relationship with your partner, with your wife, with your girlfriend? Would you be speaking up more at work? Would you be getting a leadership position or going for that management position? Would you be creating your own business in the world? Would you be singing in your spare time or doing open mics? What would you be doing with more confidence that is at expansive force?
Whatever answers come to your mind right now about what you would be doing with more confidence, if you had all the confidence that you wanted and needed, what you’d be doing? That is the expansive force inside of you and we all have it. But you might also notice that we also have another force. I will always be out there doing all that stuff, right? And that’s the contracting force. It’s like gravity pulling us back down into a little pit inside of ourselves. And what does that force say? “Who do you think you are? You’re not good enough. You can’t do that. Stop that.
You just – oh, just stop even trying to think about that kind of stuff. You’re just going to get your hopes up and get disappointed and hurt. Just don’t even think about that stuff. Come on. Just come back here. Have some mulled cider and put this warm blanket of defeat on and we’ll just hang out here together, you and me. Let’s not do anything out there. It’s scary and it’s dangerous. Let’s just stay here. You can’t do it anyway. Come on. It wouldn’t work out.” Does that sound familiar, right? How do I know this voice because I have it too.
As far as I know everyone has that voice. It’s a fallacy if you think that the people that are confident, successful don’t have that inner critic, that inner voice. They just learn how to work with it and learn how to not buy into everything that it’s saying. They’ve learned how to align themselves so that their inner coach is guiding them rather than stopping them. But the key here is you can expand. You can become more of you. So, when I say new you, I just mean letting more of that expansive force out and not having that contracting force stopping you so much in your life. And the most exciting about that is what can you create in your life?
What can you do in your life if you turn down that contacting force by just 30, 40%, 50%? What if you increase the power of that expansive force by 20%, 30%, 50%? What could you be doing in your life? And in a moment, we’re going to take a break and in a moment I’m going to share with you what the biggest limiting factor is, the lid that is on that expansive force that you have right now. Think of it like a yogurt container or something. There’s a lid right now that’s on super tight that is keeping your expansive force down that I’m going to share something with you right after this break. It’s going to blow your mind. It’s going to open everything up and you could pop that lid off and you’re going to be able to accelerate towards what it is that you want with that confidence in a way that’s you might never experience before. So, stay tune. We’re going to jump right back into that right after this.
The Secret To Transformation: Identity Shift
So, what is that lid that I was talking about just a minute before? What is that lid on our expansive force? That lid is not a limitation of resources. This what people say, “Oh, I don’t have a time. I don’t have the money. I don’t have the connections. I don’t have the education. I’m not smart enough. I’m not talented enough.” Whatever their reasons are and that’s not it. Guess what it is? It is your identity. It is your self-image or your self-concept. These are all words for the same thing. It is how you see yourself.
All of us have an internal blueprint or map of us, of what we’re capable of in the world, of whether we can do something or we can’t do something, what we deserve in the world. That is inside of you and usually in your unconscious mind. We don’t walk around thinking about it all the time but we all have it and we know it because we say things like, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. Oh, I don’t have the money for that. I’m not smart enough to do that.” That’s a revealing of your self-concept, your identity and most of us have a very small diminished shrunken shadow of our true identity. It’s this, “Well, I’m not that great. I didn’t set my sights too high.
Now I don’t know about that.” and the key to shifting this is to really change that identity, to expand that identity, to take the lid off and allowing more of yourself out. So, think about that. Think about – remember the stuff we’re talking about before the break, about what you do if you had more confidence if you really believe in yourself? Hope we got a little excited about and maybe think one of those things right now. What’s one thing that you had the confidence that you would just go do it? Can you see that in your mind right now? Maybe it’s walking over and talking to a group of people or giving an awesome presentation or leading a workshop or making a big sale in a room with a lot of powerful people and just walking in with bold confidence? What is it?
Maybe it’s walking over that woman that you’ve been eyeing you know for months that you’ve had a crush on and just walking over and making her laugh, like see it going well in your mind. Can you get excited about that thing that you would really love to be able to do with that confidence? Now let me ask me you this question, what is the identity of the person who can do that? What is the identity of the person who can walk into that meeting and just take it by storm or walk over to that person they’re attracted to and just start a conversation? What is the identity of that person? What would they say about themselves? They say, “Well, I am…” because that’s how we construct our identity, right? I am. I am not smart enough.
That’s one piece of the identity. But what would that person say who could do those things, that version of you. I mean it’s already inside of you. You can see it then you can do it. So, there’s a part of you that knows that you can do it and what is the identity of that part? I am confident. I am capable. I can do this. I am attractive, right? I am a bad ass. Whatever it is that will be part of their identity. They have to believe that about themselves or else they wouldn’t even walk in the meeting let alone walk in in the way that they do. So, what is the identity that you need to have in order to get the things that you want?
That is one of the most powerful. That’s a million dollar question. I mean that’s incredibly valuable information, if you can ask yourself that question, then that will change your life. What is the identity that I need to have in order to create the things that I want or get the things that I want in my life? Are you coming up with some answers? What are you seeing? What are you realizing? Now sometimes we have to be willing to do something different too. We have to be willing to get outside of our comfort zone. We have to be willing to take a leap, take a plunge. In fact that actually brings me to a question I got from a listener recently. He called into the show hotline and left me a message and I want to answer his question because it’s really about making a shift and transforming your identity. So, let’s listen to that question right now.
Ask The Shrink
Hi, my name is Ambrose. To set one question, recently I’ve been dealing with these issues for a very long time. I’m trying a few different, a number of different tactics to try and overcome it and nothing seems to be working. One thing that I haven’t tried is moving out at the small town that I live in. I was wondering what your thoughts were on moving to a new state, a new environment to try and tackle these problems understanding that still exist when I go over there but practicing it over there possibly getting more confident that way and then once when I overcome it really back if that’s what I wished to do?
Dr. Aziz: Thanks for the question, Ambrose. I think it’s a really good one and it fits right into this idea of changing our identity and doing something new and expansive. And actually, on upcoming episode, I’m going to be interviewing a guy who is from Australia, who listened or got my book actually and decided that he was going to take a huge leap and just go outside of his comfort zone and just went on this huge trip all up and down the west coast to the United States, didn’t know anyone, didn’t have conversation skills he thought and then he got there and he just jumped outside of his comfort zone, took bold action and now he’s just – he says he got friends up and down the west coast and had a really amazing time and connected with so many people.
So, we’ll be having a great conversation with him in an upcoming episode. But sometimes you got to just jump into the unknown to create that new identity and if you’re in a small town, if you’re restricted, if everyone knows each other and knows you where there’s no opportunities then it can be harder to shift that identity. Because our identity is held in place by two forces, right? One, how we see ourselves, that’s what we’ve been talking about so far in this episode. That’s the most important one. But what else is our identity held in place by? Exactly, how others see us and so everywhere you go, it’s the same small town, same small people and they already have an identity constructed for you because we have identities for others, right? “Oh, that’s John. He’s a nice guy. Oh, that’s Tim. He’s a jerk, right?”
And we have that identity constructed for them already. And it’s hard for us to change that because people already know us as that. It’s not impossible and definitely don’t use that as an excuse not to do this stuff because hey, the most important thing is your perception of yourself because people will fall into line if you just boldly assert a new identity. If you go back, “Okay, I guess he’s more friendly now.” And the key though is if you’re in a small town, there are not many opportunities. I encourage people to yeah, to explore and that’s just something really keeping you anchored there in some way. But for the most part I’d say get out there. I mean I know that especially when it comes to dating and relationships, if you live in a really small town, there are not many options or one client I work with came from a town where the whole town was part of this particular religion that he just did not jive with.
It didn’t make sense to him and he needed to leave because he couldn’t quite – there’s no way that it was going to work for him so he moved. And I encourage people move to a bigger city, move to a suburb, move to some place that seems like it reflects more of who you are and I know it’s a bold move, I know it scary stepping into the unknown but that’s exactly how we craft and cultivate our new identity because we got to step into the unknown, because the old identity that’s known, right? That’s all the familiar stuff. But if you really want to have that new identity for who you really want to be, you got to step into the unknown. So, Ambrose absolutely move to a bigger city, I think that can really help you in your life and that’s a metaphor really for all of us to step into a new way of being, a new life, a new you and the beauty of it is when you show up to a new place whether it’s a new city, a new office workplace environment, a new person that you’re meeting, they don’t know your identity.
You’re carrying that with you and so that’s actually really interesting. Have you ever noticed have you ever travel to a different city and no one there knew you, not a soul knew you there. You were a complete unknown identity, a complete stranger. Would you show up to that city and start wearing different clothes and start talking to people in a different way and do completely different things? Most of us wouldn’t. Why? Because we take our identity with us. Now, I’m not saying you have to be completely unpredictable and change who you are in every way. But there are certain aspects that you might want to tweak certain aspects you might want to expand. So, let’s take a quick break. When we get back we’re going to explore exactly that, how to expand and tweak your identity to make it exactly what you need and want, to get to that next level in your confidence. So, stay tune we’ll be right back after this.
Expanding Your Identity
So, let’s talk about expanding your identity. Let’s talk about bringing in those elements that are really going to help you thrive in life that are probably already inside of you but you might have restricted. You might have held back with that contracting force out of what? Out of fear of what other people are going to think of you. Fear of “failing.” What if I fail and I’m not good enough. We have all these fears, a contractive force that’s holding us back. So, how – what can we add to our identity? How do we expand ourselves? I mean I offer a few that are I think generally valuable for everyone and then we’re going to get in the action step, we’re going to have you think about your own specifics. But one that I think is incredibly valuable is boldness. “I am bold.” Try that on for a second. What if you just say that “I am bold”?
You can say with me again but say with a little gusto, say with a little vigor. I am bold. That just feels good to say. I remember one time I was giving a talk to a group of people, a business meeting and they bring me in and I’m like I’m all professional dressed or whatever but as soon as I started talking, they’re like, “This guy is wacky.” But I don’t care because I love it because it works. And so I’m having – they’re working on sales confidence and some of the fears and challenges they were having and a lot of them didn’t have what I thought was enough boldness to be successful. Because to be successful on sales, you got to face rejection, day in and day out, it’s not going – it can’t cripple you. And so, you have to have a boldness to be able to go in there.
So, I was helping them learn how to expand their identity and one thing was having them just accept the phrase and build it in their nervous system. I say, “Let’s do it as a group. I am bold.” And they all feel like, “I am bold” and we just kept on escalating it and people got into eventually and let’s say there’s a room full of people and they’re like, “I am bold.” And it was awesome and they loved it and actually every time I see one of the people from that meeting and seen some of them over a year and I just ran into one recently and the first thing he said to me was like, “I am bold.” At least I made an impression but that is the power of that trait. I am bold and activating that in yourself. Because what does boldness mean?
Boldness means exactly what I suggesting Ambrose do, stepping into the unknown because anything that’s part of the new identity that you want to craft is going to require stepping into uncertainty. You don’t know how it’s going to go and that requires what? Boldness. So, how do you want to expand your identity? You want to add in some boldness. In fact, make 2015 the year of boldness. Make it the year that you’re just going to show up and you’re going to do things more boldly in your life. What would you do if you had more boldness, if I am bold is true? What would you do?
Think about that for a moment. Would you walk differently? Would you talk differently? Would you interact with people at a different way? Would you maybe look people in the eye more? Would you say different stuff to different people in your life if you’re bold in your life? I am bold. Bringing that into your identity now and feeling what that experience is like to know that you were bold. And if a part of your mind is saying like, “No, I’m not. I’m not bold.” That’s the contractive force. You can just push that aside, take a deep breath in through your nose, puff out your chest, bring your shoulder blades together and say out loud with force I am bold.
Can you feel it? Can you feel you can generate that power in yourself? That’s how you can expand your identity. What else can we add in to give ourselves that expansive identity that seemed useful no matter where you are in your life? Boldness is one. Another one that’s incredibly useful is knowing on a deep level that you are flexible or adaptable, that you can handle whatever life throws you away. If there’s one thing to add into your identity, this is hands down second to boldness the most important one because so much of our fear and our anxiety and our reluctance to be build that are holding back is this unconscious idea that we can’t handle what’s going to happen.
So, go talk to that person. Oh, I don’t know. I can’t. And the reality is we’re saying “I could but if I did and they didn’t want to talk to me back” then that would feel really bad and on some level I couldn’t handle it. I can’t handle that. Oh, that’s too much. No, no, I can’t handle it. So, I can handle whatever life throws my way. Say that one out. I can handle whatever life throws my way. You can say it one more time with me. I can handle whatever life throws my way. Can you feel that there’s a power that comes with that adaptability, it’s what we’re really talking about. And in today’s day and age when everything is changing faster and faster, we have to be flexible and we have to trust that we can handle whatever comes our way.
Otherwise, we’re living in fear and that contraction force is pulling tighter and tighter and we’re going to say, “I must stay safe. I’m not going to do anything and I hope everything works out” and that’s not going to work you not only in terms of confidence but in terms of your relationships, your connections, your career, your financial life. We have to be willing to be bold and step into the unknown and to do that, we have to know and trust that I can handle whatever comes my way. These are some of the most important things that you can add into your identity. What else? What else do you want to add into your identity? Do you realize that you can construct an identity?
You can construct what you want to be true about yourself. What about something around your capability or your ability to take life on and handle challenges or setbacks. Nothing gets in my way for long. I handle setbacks and I move on. I relish challenges and I step over them and I overcome them. What are the elements of your identity? You might say, “Well, this just sounds all positive but it’s not true.” It’s not true because you haven’t grown into it yet. In fact, constructing identity is a first part then it’s growing into it and living into it and that comes from taking new actions in the world but we can’t take those new actions in the world until we have some room in our identity that is possible for us to do it which actually leads us to our action step.
Time for Action
Your action step for today is to consciously create that new identity. You know we had the boldness in, I can handle whatever life throws my way, I face challenges head on. Those are just few of the ones that I mention. Take those if they’re useful for you or if you want to add something else to it or those aren’t your thing, you want to chuck them no matter what’s going to be most valuable for you. And remember, it’s I am or it’s you. I am this. I am capable of that. What, what? I am attractive. Jeez, that’s pretty valuable thing to add to your identity if you want to well always in your life. Even if you’re married, you want to feel attractive, don’t you? I am attractive. I am desirable. I am a fascinating person. I am intelligent. What are the elements of your identity that you want to create and construct and add into yourself that you can step into and live into in 2015.
So, I like you to think of at least three things that you want to add to your identity or call out, maybe they’re already in there but you want to amplify and strengthen them. So, think of those three things. But in order to make this not just positive thinking but actually something that you’re going to do in your life then I want you to commit the three things that you’re going to do in the early part of 2015 here that verify that identity, that reflect that identity, that come directly out of that identity. So, for example, if one of the things you want to add is I am bold, then you don’t want just to live it as a thought and idea but you want to say, “Okay, I am bold. What’s one bold thing I’m going to do in the next week?” And then guess what? Go do that thing. So, this is a big action step, right?
Three things you want to your identity then for each of those things come up with one action that you’re going to take that verifies that identity and of course, go out there and do it because that’s where the real change is going to happen and when you do this, it’s amazing. I mean when your identity shifts, it’s amazing what opens up in your life and what becomes possible for you. So, I’m excited for you to experience this, for this to keep happening and growing in 2015 for you. Perhaps even, you might even come up with some amazing goals as a result of expanding your identity and I’d love to hear about your progress and what’s happening for you as we move forward into this year. So, as always you can contact me through the website shrinkfortheshyguy.com, ask questions there as well and I will answer them in upcoming episodes in this year and until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know that you’re awesome.
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