Risk = Confidence

Discover The Power Of Risks So You Can Approach Life With Power And Confidence

Do you take risks in your life? Big risks? Little risks? What about the day-to-day risks of speaking up, saying what you really think, asking for the sale, or asking for the date?

Do you hold back and tend to avoid risks for fear of making a mistake?

In today’s episode you are going to discover the hidden power of taking risks and how to handle whatever happens afterwards so that you can progress more rapidly towards your goals than you ever imagined.

Click below to hear this episode!

Do You Take Risks

Welcome to another episode of the show. Today is going to be the risk episode. When we talk about risks and how that shows up in your life, how you feel about risks, how you approach risk, what risk really even is and how to shift your whole orientation towards risks and then therefore towards life to one that’s going to help you break free of fear and anxiety and self doubt and step more and more into being powerful in your life, being a badass in your business life, your work life, in dating and relationships and your social life, everywhere. So I’m excited to share all this with you today. If you’d like to jump into the conversation you can always give a call at the studio hotline (206) 338-3176 or go to facebook.com/socialconfidence. Share your comments and questions there I’d love to hear them, respond to them, or you can to shrinkfortheshguy.com and leave me a message through that site. So there’s lots of ways to connect and when I answer questions on this show on other things that’s all coming from you so I’d love to hear from you and how it’s working for you, breakthrough, successes, or sticking points it’s all good.

So, what do you think of risks? Just as a general concept when I say risk. Take a risk, What happens inside you? How do you feel? Do you feel excited, nervous, uncertain as your mind want to know more? Like what kind of risk? What are the odds? What’s the payout? Right? And also how do you approach risk in your life? And you may or may not even think in those terms, you may not think about the word risk on a daily basis. It might not even come up for you. And that doesn’t mean you’re not taking any you just might not see it that way or maybe you’re not taking any maybe you’re just kind of trying to get through life as safely as possible. Safely getting through life, you know, safely getting through the grave as I heard one person say which I loved. Right? So maybe that what you’re doing. But what we want to focus on together here today is bring your awareness to this idea of risks, talk about the power of risks, and how to get to a place where you can take them more boldly in your life because that is where real confidence comes from is being able to jump in to things.

What is a Risk?

So, first of all, what is a risk? How will we define risk? If you look up, you know, definition of risk in the dictionary, a.k.a. the internet, it’s a situation where you’re exposed to danger. And I thought that was really interesting because most of us are not exposed to any real danger in our day to day lives. Maybe when you get in the car or something you’re driving there’s potential danger there. But most of the things that people consider risks things that we’re scared to do especially socially or in our business life. There’s no real danger the danger is a perceived danger. It’s people getting upset with me. People saying something that I don’t like, you know. It’s this kind of soft stuff. No one’s going to punch you in the face or no one’s going to take your limb off. It’s not that kind of danger anymore in our society it’s these more soft dangers, these more subtle things. People aren’t going to like me. They’re going to laugh at me. Those are the ones that scare us. Those are the dangers that we spend most of our time afraid of. And so those are the things that we have to face with our risks.

Examples of Risks

So what are examples of some risks that we might take on a day to day basis? Well, how about saying what you really think in a situation, being assertive, and saying no to someone when you want to say no. Someone asked you to do something and you say no I can’t or I don’t want to. That is a risk. A small risk, right? Or maybe a big risk for you. I don’t know in your situation depending on who the person is. Maybe your boss asked you to do something over the weekend and you don’t want to or you have other plans or you have something other engagements and you say no. That could feel like a big risk to you. Perhaps speaking up for you is a risk. Speaking up in a meeting. Leading a meeting might be a risk for you. Sharing ideas. Doing a presentation public speaking feels like a big risk for most people. Right? That’s a really common one. In fact giving a toast to the wedding. I was just at a wedding a little while back and maybe a couple of weeks go now and I remember I was going to be the officient for the wedding, the reverend if you will. That’s right. I am a reverend of the church of the internet. So I have 3 weddings under my belt although one was really just people signing some documents, with 2 sermons under my belt now. And I was excited about it I loved it I love public speaking I love sharing in fact I have a really interesting story about that that maybe I’ll tell in an upcoming episode about my experience of doing the actual sermon there if you’d call a sermon it really involved God. But whatever, my little speech.

And anyway before the wedding there was a good friend of mine who was getting married and all his groomsmen were, you know, great friends of mine from childhood and 3 other guys were standing around talking at one point in the afternoon before the wedding. And they’re saying like, are you going to give a toast? No, man. I don’t want to give a toast. Are you going to give a toast? Hell, no. I don’t want to give a toast. And one of the guys talking was the groom’s brother and my wife is nearby and she’s like, hey don’t you have to give a toast I mean like you’re the brother? And he’s like, hell no I don’t have to give a toast. And all 3 of them do not want to give a toast. They were just terrified of the idea. So that was a big risk for them, right? And they don’t want to take that risk. Investing can feel like a big risk. Investing your money can be a big risk whether it’s for the future, for your retirement, or investing in yourself this is when I see a lot and especially in the work that I do which is coaching , you know, people, it’s a risk to put your money into yourself and your own development and a product like coaching itself, the process of coaching whether it’s 6 months or more and that’s a risk right? Because people are like, what if I invest in myself and I let myself down and I can’t change and I can’t get results? And that’s a risk that I help people take, you know, every day when I’m talking to them in helping people jump in to realizing that they can change. So investing in yourself is a risk.

I mean, help. Investing in yourself is like signing up for personal training at a gym. That could be a risk. So I want to really expand our definition of risk to see that it’s happening every day that you can see these opportunities every day. And that’s what a risk is it is an opportunity. And what we’re going to do is we’re going to take a quick break right now and when we get back we’re going to get in to the biggest obstacle to taking risks that feeling that you have, the thing that’s stopping you from doing it, we’re going to pull the lid off blast through that and then help you get to a place of much more courage and power to just get out there and start taking risks.

What’s Stopping You From Taking Risks

So what is the thing that stops us from taking risks? Well, you know, it’s fear basically but there’s a special kind of it. It’s a mixture of fear and habit and there’s this term from investing I don’t know if you’ve heard of it it’s called risk averse. So as is defined by Wikipedia risk aversion is a concept in economics and finance based on behavior of humans, seems like an unnecessary sentence there, risk aversion is a concept in economics and finance based on behavior of humans especially consumers and investors while exposed to uncertainty to attempt to reduce that uncertainty. And that’s really what a risk is, right? We don’t know how it’s going to go. When I speak up in a meeting I don’t know how it’s going to go. There’s uncertainty there. And what happens is people tend to have a pattern or a habit especially if you’re anxious or shy or you have not built up the confidence in yourself that you want yet your pattern is probably to reduce uncertainty by not taking the action, by avoiding the situation that means not speaking up, not saying no, not asking for the sale, not asking that person out, not walking over to that group of people and just jumping in. You see what I’m saying there? We have a tendency to avoid because we’re risk averse. We want to reduce the uncertainty by not jumping into it and this pattern is killing you. This pattern is fucking you up and the reason I can say that is because it fucked me up for so many years that what I did and that’s a hallmark of being stuck in low confidence.

And so here’s just some of the costs of being risk averse. Because first and foremost untested fear expands and grows. So if you have a fear of if I walk over to that group of people and just jump into it or if I go to a networking meeting it’s going to be real awkward I’m not going to make any connections and people aren’t going to like me, or if I, you know, ask for the sale the person is going to crinkle their nose and discuss and tell me that they hate me. Whatever the fear is she’s going to reject me, whatever the fear is if we don’t test it if we don’t take the risk guess what happens to the fear? That’s right. It grows, it expands, it becomes stronger, it becomes more real and true because it’s like the fear is all fabricated it’s created of our beliefs, right, but in our head so if we don’t test it so it just gets stronger it’s almost like evidence somehow. It’s like your brain logs it as like, yep, see, I knew that would happen even though it didn’t even happen. Does that make sense? So the untested fear grows. Another cost of being risk averse is we don’t learn that we can handle things. So if you took the risk and you made a joke and then no one laughed you would handle that you just figure it out. Or you spoke up in a meeting and you lost your words and you stumbled a little bit or whatever you’re scared of you would handle it if you just got into the situation enough you would handle it.

Now, if you have a horrible toxic coach and you just beat the crap out of yourself afterwards for days and weeks afterwards which is what often most people are afraid of with this stuff is not the moment of discomfort but the self, you know, incrimination and beating they’ll do for weeks and months afterwards and if that’s the case for you, man, just listen to all of these podcasts or get one of my programs The Confidence Code could be really great for you to help you let go of that toxic coach because, yeah, that will be the top order of priorities to get that handled. But we don’t learn that we can handle things. We don’t. Remember risk averse? Another thing is we just become more and more restricted and limited in our lives, right? Because if you get to step away from uncertainty every time you see it, I mean, life is full of uncertainty. Everything is uncertain. You don’t know the future at all in a lot of situations so we become more and more restricted and limited and when with that we also become more rigid, we become less flexible, we become more brittle and we break easier and these are just some of the costs of being risk averse.

And so what we want to do is we want to change our orientation and we want to start taking risks. We want to see risks as a good thing. Like how many risks can I take today? Because here’s the thing, we’re scared of the danger of the downside but the reality is it’s not real. I mean the shame and the ridicule and everyone’s going to talk about me and everyone hates me and I’m going to end up under a bridge and impoverished and all those things that we’re scared of the downside of the risk none of it is real. And so what we want to do is we want to start realizing that this is a big breakthrough is that fear does not equal danger, so just because you’re scared of something doesn’t mean it’s actually dangerous. And so we want to start going into those things or taking those risks because that is how we’re going to actually see that as true in our lives and that’s how we’re going to break free.

In fact, I want to share 3 ways with you in just a moment about how to break free, how to become more of a badass, how to have more courage and take more risks.

So let’s get into it. Hopefully as you’ve been listening you’re seeing that a life of avoiding risks is not going to serve you. In fact, really getting that is one of the first things that you’re going to get here that’s going to help you just be willing to start taking more risks. Because here’s the thing, even if you try to avoid all risks in your life and keep yourself really safe eventually you’ll have to take a risk. That’s just how life is. But here’s the thing, if you haven’t been taking them all along if you haven’t been proactively seeking them out you’ll be weaker and in a worse position to do so. That’s the unfortunate truth.

So, for example, let’s say you avoided the risk of approaching women that you are attracted to. You just kept avoiding it, kept avoiding it, and maybe 15 years later and you’ve just avoided her for all those 15 years. So you haven’t had a relationship and so now you’re in a worse position so eventually you have to take the risk, right? Let’s say I guess you eventually you never could but at some point right now let’s say you’re 40 and you’re like holy crap like I don’t want to live the rest of my life alone so now you have to take the risk but you’re weaker, right, because you haven’t been taking them day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, so you don’t have that power built up in you and you’re in a worse position to do so because you haven’t had a relationship your whole life and you don’t know how that works and you feel like, oh God I miss my prime. All that stuff. And if you’re 40 by the way you haven’t missed your prime. That’s just a story, right? But the thing is we’re in a worse position the longer we take.

For example, let’s say you never speak up at work, you never share your opinions boldly in meetings, you kind of hold back and you just do your job and you’re nice and quiet and eventually something might happen where you might have to speak up. Maybe someone is accusing of doing something that you didn’t do or try to play the blame on you for a project that didn’t get done, right? So now you have to speak up but you’re weaker, right, because you haven’t done it. So you can’t speak up boldly and you’re more timid and that’s harder for you so you’re in a weaker place and your position is worse, right, because people don’t know you that well, they don’t trust you as much because they haven’t heard from you. So do you see what I’m saying here? I can give a million examples. If you own your own business, man, if you don’t take risks eventually you’re going to take a big risk and again you’ll be weaker. So that’s the first thing I want to convey to you, help you see how essential it is to start moving in to taking those risks.

The second thing is Legolas. I don’t know if I talked about that in the show yet but I’m going to do it if I have. Legolas, from Lord of the Rings. Oh yes, that’s right, Lord of the Rings reference or the new Hobbit movies. Ugh, so bad. But there’s a character in there, Legolas, I’m guessing you’re probably familiar with him but if you’re not that’s cool, too. He’s an elf and if you’re not familiar with The World of Lord of the Rings, you know, there’s humans and elves and dwarves and all that fantasy stuff. Anyway he’s an elf and he’s kind of a badass and you know can shoot incredibly well. Elves live for like a million years like a thousand years or something. Maybe they’re immortal, I don’t know. So he has got7 a million years to become really good at shooting his bow, hacking guys, to pieces with his sword, etc. And throughout all the stories Legolas is this character who is just incredibly confident in himself, incredibly certain in his ability especially when it comes to fighting and he’ll just, you know, jump in to any battle anywhere. And there’s a scene in one of these movies where there’s sort of like there’s an evil army coming from the north. And he’s like, I’ll go scatter out. And he’s like he runs off in the forest to go check it out by himself. And you watch that and *0:19:11 a moment I was like, so there’s danger coming from the north, right, it’s an army of evil orcs or whatever. And he immediately turns and just runs right into it. And in that moment as I was watching that scene I was like, that’s how he became so badass, that’s how he became so confident in himself, right? No one starts that way. No one starts out bold and courageous and fully confident and fully capable. It’s just when there’s that danger if you orient into it and jump like leap right into it, if you know Legolas which is even better can you just imagine him like leaping across a platform to another platform with his sword drawn? Like that’s how we want to be. We want to dive into those risks. We want to take those risks. We want to grab life by the horns and say, I’m going to fucking do this. Because then when we do, man, you’re power.

And that’s the third thing I want to share with you is more risks you take the stronger you get, the more powerful you become. Even if you’re scared shitless as you do the risk it doesn’t matter you build power. Each time you do it your power increases. You can think about like it’s giving you like 5 units of power if it’s a small risk or 20 units of power if it’s a big risk and you start to accumulate like a bank account. And then the more you have the more you can do the bigger you can do. So if you can take the risk to speak up around 3 people or 4 people or 5 people and you start building that, building that and building it up then you can speak, you know, to a group of 10 people or 20 people or 50 people or a thousand people. It doesn’t matter. You turn towards it, you build up that power by taking those risks. So there’s nothing else you get from or conversation here today it’s to that when you avoid risks you weaken yourself and your life becomes more diminished, more small, more rigid, more stuck, and if you want to liberate yourself, if you want to break free, if you want to step into more and more confidence in your work, in your finances, in your dating life, in your personal relationships it’s going to be risk after risk after risk. And you can, you know, approach that with like, aww, man. Jesus! This sounds exhausting and hard and terrifle, tarrying and awful and terrible all mixed together, terrifle. You know, yes, that’s just your mind though trying to get you to go back to avoiding risks, right? That there’s a constant pull in us towards comfort and certainty and avoidance and we have to overcome that, we have to break through that, we have to condition ourselves to be different. And really it’s not that much work. Just one risk a day. If you just took one risk a day your life will be totally different in 30 days. I’ve known multiple people like that. I’ve worked with people like that where someone comes through in one of my group programs or whatever and they’re just like a rockstar. They’re like, I’m going to do this. You don’t need to convince me of anything. I’m ready. I’ve listened enough to your podcast let’s do this.

And one guy actually did that came in a group like that and he started taking little risks. He signed up for the group about 2 weeks before it started and he actually started taking risks before the first group meeting and just started crushing it and that’s I think because of his willingness to take risks and the same is true for you. In fact, let’s put that into practice right now with your action step.

Action Step

Your action step for today is you guessed it. Take a risk. Take a risk today. A small one. A little one. Find what one is for you. I don’t know what they are for you but you do. So take a risk. Get out there and do it. And then notice what happens. Do you feel more powerful? Do you feel worse? It doesn’t matter if you feel bad afterwards I mean maybe of you can look at that you’re probably being really hard on yourself and really critical and that’s a good thing to shift but the key thing here is it’s just about doing it because that is how you’ll build the power and you can trust in that process. The more you do it over a period of weeks and months the more powerful you become the more you shift in your life.

So, share your experience. Go to facebook.com/socialconfidence and share about the risks that you’re taking, share with us how it’s going. Like that page, too, to be able to follow and get more updates. And I look forward to speaking with you in future episodes. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
(Creative Commons License)

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