How To Overcome Self-Doubt And Make A Powerful Impact
Have you ever been moved by someone speaking? Perhaps they were confident, passionate, or energetic and it left you feeling impacted and inspired.
Today’s episode is all about how to be that person. How to speak and present in a way that powerfully impacts your audience, and helps you leave fear and self-doubt in the dust.
Click below to hear this episode!
Danielle Louise Ross is a an actress turned recognized marketing expert, speaker, and coach who specializes in helping mission-driven experts attract more clients by being more of who they are. Check out Brand You Business and the FREE GIFT to our listeners HERE!
Feel Confident, Outstanding and Impactful While Speaking
Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. I’m Dr. Aziz and today we’re going to be diving further into the skill and the art of public speaking of how to speak in front of a group and how to do it really well. Because in the last episode we were interviewing Danielle Louise Ross and when we continue with that in today’s episode we talked a lot about the fear. And so if you haven’t listened to that go back and listen to that interview because there are some powerful tips in there about how to overcome your fear, how to shift the way you see nervousness and mastery and public speaking and the audience so that it’s not so terrifying.
So it’s not such an insurmountable obstacle or mountain to climb but it’s really something that you can just develop step by step by step which is absolutely the case and as you know I myself was terrified of public speaking. The very first time I tried to do it I was in front of a big group of people maybe 70 and I was in a college course and I never really done it before that. I went to a small high school and, you know, I was kind of fumbled my way through presentations and it was a very small group and I knew everyone.
So my first like public speaking like, hey here’s a bunch of people looking at you. I went up there and I held my slides and everything and I looked at the audience and then I took my first breath in to start speaking and I just kept taking breaths in. It was so weird. It was like this awkward silence of me like breathing and looking at the audience. Fortunately it was a group presentation and several of my peers were up there with me and they kind of looked at me, you know, flailing and one of them is like, okay, and just started jumping in sort of took over my initial role and I fumbled my way through but it was not very good. And I realized at that point that I had to do something about this because I was really limited and terrified of it.
So if you’re in that place go back and listen to that first episode. This one we’ll be getting a little more into the fear and how to shift how you see yourself and other people but what we’re really going to be diving into is how to be outstanding, how to be impactful, how to really make a difference with your message whether you’re a business owner and that’s who Danielle works with is solopreneurs and business owners who were getting out there and impacting people directly or you’re in a company because the ability to influence your peers and management and the people that work underneath you to be an effective leader requires you to be an effective speaker.
That’s what we’re going to be diving n and this is going to be especially important for you if you want to really get good at it, you want to know how to tell stories, you want to know how to engage your audience, you want to know how go really make them feel something because if they feel something when you’re speaking then they’re moved and then you have a connection and you have influence and so it makes for a very powerful impact that you can have on people.
So, without further ado, let’s dive into that interview with Danielle Louise Ross.
Oh yeah. I could handle that and the beauty is and I’m sure you’ve experience this, too, once you do the speaking a lot you can have a moment where you lose your train of thought or the words don’t come. And, you can just find your way again pretty quickly and instantly.
Danielle: Yeah. That’s right. I think that reaffirming what master in anything or speaking it’s not about not ever losing your train of thought. It’s about feeling confident that no matter what happens whether you lose your train of thought or something else that you will get it back that that’s something that you built in yourself and no matter what happens you can recover or you can include that becomes part of the experience. I may have so many things I performed so many times there’s so many things that go “wrong,” you know. I’ve had the power go out multiple times speaking on business in the middle of a play singing a solo. I mean stuff happens so the more you can roll with it, okay this must be how it’s meant to be. People are so loving and generous and kind and really appreciate you when you just roll with it, you know and get ready if you, not to scare anybody. But if you want to get up and you want to do this and you want to take chances in speaking *0:04:50 the stuff will go “wrong” but you will get so strong. I mean, you’ll realize that no matter what you’re doing, no matter what goes wrong in any environment you can handle it. You got this because you’ve been practicing.
Dr. Aziz: Yeah. And then that trust in yourself, knowing that you’re flexible and can adapt to whatever is happening I mean that just gives you even more confidence. So I love what you’re saying there. And you mentioned something, too, that I wanted to touch on which is that people are loving and warm and supportive and this could be really helpful because I think when we get up there and we’re more nervous, we’re scared, we’re really scared especially people that I work with that might even have, you know, borderline panic around speaking without knowing it they’re seeing the audience whether it’s 5 people or 50 people they’re seeing them as very hostile, very quick to judge, like super evaluating their not the message, not the words they’re saying, but how they’re presenting it and if they’re really poised and, you know, from working to speaking thousands or hundreds of times being on stage over a thousand times and helping hundreds of people speak, what if you learn to be really true about audiences and how they see the person speaking?
Danielle: I definitely think most often people are really compassionate and everybody knows that statistic about the fear of speaking and so a lot of people are just really in awe that you’re brave enough to get up there in the first place, you know. There will always be haters. Do you know what I mean? There will always be haters everywhere online like people that are just negative and that has nothing to do with you or your performing or your speaking. It’s all them. But most people are really, they want you to succeed and if you ever doubt that practice being in an audience go around and watch people, go to open nights, go watch theater, go to public speaking events and see how do you feel. Do you want them to succeed? Probably. And we usually feel really calm when we’re in the audience unless it’s like Gallagher or you’re afraid of getting watermelon on our face but most of the time we’re really calm and we’re like, you can do it, you can do it. And that’s really where people are coming from for you. So I think one way we can kind of reverse it is go be an awesome audience member and tap into that and then when you’re up there remember that’s really 90% of people or more are coming from that place and really wanting you to succeed in this.
Dr. Aziz: That’s helpful to remind ourselves of in fact that’s another question I had is, do you personally do or do you teach clients to do anything right before speaking? Any rituals or preparations to get people into a good space before going on stage?
Danielle: Yeah. You know what, in my acting life there’s a lot of that and with how I work with business owners my core philosophy is whatever works you works for you. Do you know what I mean? Like whatever that ritual is that helps you and so I really just empower people to do anything that they know already helps make them calm or focused. So if you have something you do in another part of your life why not bring that in, you know, If you like to meditate or just take some deep breaths or whatever it is that kind of gets you into your sense of groundedness or your mojo then do that because there’s no perfect warm up exercise. I found that as a general strategy that works for most people to be thinking about before speaking like right before speaking really is like what’s that one thing that you really want your audience to take away? And it could be an idea but it could also be a feeling. So, one of my clients was like, what do I focus on? I have words and I have this and like now that I’m about to get up there what do I focus on? And I said, you, if your audience could feel one thing if you could get them all to really feel one feeling what would you want them to feel? And she said, totally nurtured. I said, okay, great. So she knew what she was going to talk about so ii said that’s the one thing I want you to focus on the whole time you’re talking as if you’re really nurturing the audience with everything that you say. And it gave her like a little bit of an anchor something to latch on to and play with and it was fun for her it was connected to how she works people in her actual profession and very simple. So really whether it’s the warm up or things you focus on doing it you’re not going to be able to juggle a million different ideas. Why you’re on stage in front of people? You got to go, okay I’m ready and if you want think of one simple thing because that’s playable, it’s fun, it makes it easy and that’s one example like really how do you want to impact your audience?
Dr. Aziz: Yeah. I love that and that’s the kind of the especially when you’re really nervous that’s sort of the bandwidth that we can carry is that one, you know, prime directive. Here’s what I’m here to do and I love how it’s focused on what impact do I want to have on this group of people as opposed to how do I want them to see me. I want them to see me as smart and professional and really poised and it strips all that away and I was like, I’m here to deliver something and I think when we get really focused on that we can be calm, very impactful, very persuasive because we kind of get out of our own way and there’s that energy of nurturing in this case can just pour out of your client there.
Danielle: Right and it’s that magic, this is sort of my belief on excellent speaking, impactful speaking, impactful marketing, branding, all that this is really finding that sweet spot where you and your audience meet. So, pick any kind of random feeling that wasn’t connected to it like it was something that really is part of her essence and that she focused completely on giving it to the audience so that they could experience it. And the people that probably responded to her the most in that moment or the people that needed exactly what she was there to deliver like her perfect audience. So it’s really nice to find out where is that like magic ? How can you really focus on being yourself but now not just focusing on yourself delivering that out to your audience really landing it on them and again the more intention goes on them the less on you the more that the super intense, you know, anxiety or fear starts to dissipate and just become energy that you’re channeling.
Dr. Aziz: That’s so good. I mean, it’s such a powerful thing for speaking, for any sort of, you now, marketing as you’re talking about, engaging with customers, even engaging with just people in life, dating and relationships, the it’s not all about me reminder is incredibly valuable and it’s something that my wife reminds me of regularly. Aziz, it’s not all about you.
Danielle: Well you see that’s the thing. The thing is it is about, it’s like all about you and it’s not all about you because it’s about you and them, right? So it’s like you are so important in the equation and so it’s never about you not being yourself or being somebody else or taking away your uniqueness but the uniqueness that you share needs to serve a purpose. So, you know, sharing, nurturing, because it connects to you but also because it’s going to help your audience. I really like to when I do presentations and workshops I like to weave in bits of fun, you know. Having exercises are things that are really enjoyable because I remember going to even in my acting days some super stressful boring marketing presentations that completely gave me the wrong idea about what it was and I know I like feeling fun and my audience really likes to feel fun when it comes to, you know, marketing and self promotions. So again, it’s tapping into my uniqueness but it’s for the purpose of giving my audience something that they really need to set. Again it’s that sweet spot in the middle.
Dr. Aziz: Not me. I don’t like fun. None of that for me.
Danielle: Okay well then like you should my audience, Aziz. Damn it.
Dr. Aziz: All serious all the time. Wait, so I just had a I thought another great question to ask you because we’ve been kind of focusing on maybe the beginning stages and overcoming the fear to get out there and practice. What about people who have been doing it for a while, because I know you help them as well, what tips do you have on how to just become a more excellent speaker, more outstanding? Let’s say someone has overcome the fear or to a point where it doesn’t hold them back and they’re doing it now, how do we get better? What are just a few things that you notice in people that make them really impactful as speakers?
Danielle: Ooh. That’s such a good question so I’m glad that you asked it. Well I want to say that there are a couple of things that really inspired me to bring in the speaking training to part of my business because that’s one way that people can show their message and promote themselves. And so it was really true gold. One, I saw people that I knew could be attracting an audience faster and really had the capacity to share their message to who they’re speaking but weren’t doing it. Like, ugh, I want to help you for like because that would be so much easier for you. And also I have some peers who are very experienced in people who I’ve been in business between 3 and 10 years who are out speaking people ask them to speak. Hey, will you come share and they’re doing it but they weren’t getting business back really for their effort or not much and they didn’t know why. And so this is actually one thing that I’m really obsessed with even though we haven’t talked much about it yet is content is really crafting the storytelling in a way that you have this framework that supports you from beginning to end and that also allows you to breathe and dance with the moment, you know. If something happens you can totally weave that in. But I have a belief so for people that are ready and maybe the big giant fear is gone and they want to just get better. I have this belief that if the writing is effective and constructed in a particular way that makes it almost impossible for you to be really nervous or focused on yourself because the writing is so good. And one example that I gave in a recent webinar about this, I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie, Precious. It was like academy award, either one or it was nominated but it was a big movie a couple of years ago.
Dr. Aziz: I have not seen it, I know of it though.
Danielle: Okay. So great movie, great rating. One of the main supporting characters was played by Mariah Carey. So no big offense for Mariah Carey but she’s not known for being a great actress and’s known for being a great singer however in the movie, Precious, she’s a really good actor. She’s compelling and vulnerable and is just as pro as anybody else in that movie. So, what happened? How did somebody that had previously put out some mediocre movies and is really known as a singer do so well in this movie? And it’s my belief that when you have a good script or a framework to work within that it makes you look really good, it makes your stuff really understandable, and it’s really hard basically to do a bad job or not be effective. So a lot of what I do in my training is help experts learn a new way of cracking their content so that it’s simple, it’s easy delivered, and it’s really, really compelling from the perspective of the audience and that one thing alone can really help people transform from being that kind of content to being ultra-confident to sort of getting results to getting incredible results from their speaking.
Dr. Aziz: Wow. That is definitely intriguing and I’m sure if people want to dive in deeper they can learn what those things are. But just a general sense maybe you could give a little quick teaser or intro. What is some of that content? So, it’s storytelling, what are some of the key elements of that content that would be really valuable for people?
Danielle: Oh, yeah. I’d love to say more and actually perfect *0:18:31, Aziz, because my free gift I’m wanting to share with your audience if they’re intrigued or think they want to use speaking as a way to promote their message or their business is the kind of complete blueprint of their signature talk that from my experience of using the system for myself and for clients to help them take their business to 6 figures I see really fixed core steps. So I’ll share with you some of those things now so they know that I’ll share a link a little bit later that they can get their hands on the full 6 steps.
Dr. Aziz: Awesome.
Danielle: So I guess I’ll start with one of the biggest mistakes that I see experts make in terms of content that can also sort of simultaneously make them a bit jittery and nervous is trying to share too much information in too little of time. So, part of reworking the content so that it’s really effective and makes it easier for you to deliver and be confident is to know to understand that a great talk is actually a small portion of it is actually things that you teach that is the information or the facts or whatever that core thing you’re going to deliver your expertise and what surrounds that is really what makes the talk work. So one of those things is to share your story, you know. There’s a lot of people out speaking that aren’t really leveraging that we want to know who you are and that’s completely a valuable piece of your presentation to share who you are and why you’re sharing this in the first place. And when we can connect to you and trust you and feel like we’re bonded to you and your mission when you do get to the teachings, when you do get to like the facts or tips or things like that we’re going to be so much more open to receiving those than if it’s just a fire hose of information.
Dr. Aziz: We’re going to take one more quick break and then we’re going to get back into the conclusion of the interview with speaking expert, Danielle Louise Ross.
Yeah, that’s so good on so many levels because it’s not, yeah, it’s not just about information. I mean we’re a wash in information they could find that information in text form, there’s something about you and your humanity which is revealed in your story especially if the story has pieces of it where you’re not perfect and you didn’t always have it all figured out then people can relate and there’s a sense of me, too. Oh this person has liked me and I could see how they be much more receptive to hearing ideas, inspiration, teachings.
Danielle: Yeah. And I’ll say something else just going a little bit deeper on the story to really simplify this because I think that as experts who’ve had a lot of training and know a lot of stuff this can be like, who, you want me to hold back I don’t share all my stuff? Right? But it’s really the art of knowing how to drip that information. So when we talk about stories here’s something that, this is an advanced idea but I just feel inspired to share this. That when we talk about telling your story one of the things I say actually within the paid training is your story is actually about them. And that might not at all be what you’d expect me to say that your story is really about your audience but people again especially experts who have a lot to say sometimes don’t know when I tell my story what do I share and what don’t I share. And I remember sort of parallel one of my many non-satisfying jobs I was working the front desk of a temp office where people come in and give me resumes constantly and one lady gave a resume it was as sick as a novel. There was every job she’d ever had literally in her entire life . So just parallel when you’re telling your story it’s not that we know every detail of your life, right, because it’s not just about you. But thinking about your audience and what are the key pieces of your story that really relate to their experience and what you really want to help them with. So, to kind of take off the veil, Aziz, I mean everything I told about my story today is totally true and I focused a little bit more on confidence and overcoming nervousness because I know that that’s what your audience is here for and what would be helpful for them to hear and know about me so that we can have a connection.
Dr. Aziz: So, we are actually just coming back of all the times and what we’re talking about before, what can go wrong sometimes will and I’ve done, you know, hundreds of hours of recording down here and the power has never gone out and lo and behold on my call here with Danielle today the power lit in and out and we lost each other and I think that’s just a great indication of what we’re talking about about how to roll with what’s happening and how no matter what happens you can deal with it and upon Danielle’s encouragement I’m practicing involving going out rather than going in. and sharing that we lost power.
Danielle: Yeah. The show must go on and it turned into a teaching moment. So, see, that’s great modeling.
Dr. Aziz: Exactly. It’s great. And you know what you’re saying about sharing the pieces of your story that are really going to relate to people and the people that you’re talking to I think is one of the most valuable skills in the world. A lot of my training was originally in clinical psychology which is very traditionally closed lipped. You don’t share much about yourself, you’re a blank slate, you’re kind of out of the picture and it never really resonated with me and as I got into more coaching and business and putting my message out there I started sharing more and more of my story and it’s amazing how people just connected with that and they would say things like I’ve never heard anyone describe what I’m experiencing in the detail in the accuracy that you have and so I think that’s just the testament to what you’re talking about, Danielle, and it’s incredibly if anyone wants to be a more impactful, authentic, charismatic, influential speaker that in itself is one of the most valuable things. And I’m sure there’s much more and in fact to find out about that how can people find out more? You mentioned a free gift which is awesome and also your program. Let’s start with people can go deeper to learn from you to work with you?
Danielle: Yeas. So the free gift you can find at www.brandyoubusiness.com/speak and that will be 2 really important piece of the full program that I have where I outlined the 6 key components of a signature talk that feels totally authentic and also can help promote your message or even get you clients if you’re in business for yourself. One of those pieces is your story and one of those pieces is the information that’s the facts or the tips that you share but there are several other components that really help give your audience a full experience and then I think you’ll really enjoy as well. So I want to just go ahead and share that blueprint with anybody that this has really resonated with at brandyoubusiness.com/speak. As I mentioned that is part of a bigger program so I have a bigger program called speak your way to 6 figures that is a virtual 21-day bootcamp, super practical and step by step for people that really want to have the structure to make intentional choices about, you know, what is my message? What am I going to share? Who’s my audience? And then we move through a process of building top within the second week of the course. With accountability with other people virtually going through this video and then the third week of the course is totally focused on promotion. So there are two main ways you can promote. You can either get yourself books so you get access to somebody else’s audience or you can hold the event whether it’s online or in person and get people to come to you. So I talk much more about the art of pulling people in and how to create promo for what you’re sharing that is really irresistible to your audience. So it’s super fun, I have4 absolutely loved teaching this it really brings everything full circle for me with business and acting and all of it and my love for writing. And we just did our first version of this program back in May it was hugely successful. The results that people can get from using this are just phenomenal. For instance, one coach who took the program was doing all the steps while we were going and, oh, you know what, actually it couldn’t be *0:28:19 because her success story was in May so *0:28:21 this in April. In any event in the month following the training she got 40 qualified leads, 40. So I just wanted to share that that’s how powerful this whole speaking thing can be to be able to share with a group of people who really need you, you know, what you stand for and give them kind of preview of how you can help. So I’m really passionate about it. We haven’t yet set the dates. The time that we’re recording this, Aziz, we haven’t yet set the dates for our next version, our version 2.0 of the program. It’s definitely coming and so what I suggest if it’s interesting to you and you’re thinking that you might want to do it when it comes back up just go ahead and sign up for that free gift because then you’ll be in a loop and I can tell you when I know more about the timing and when you can start signing up for that next program.
Dr. Aziz: That is awesome and I couldn’t more highly recommend anyone. If you want to learn about speaking but then all the other aspects, if you have your own business Danielle is a phenomenal person to learn from and even if you just want to develop your skills as a speaker I know she has a ton to offer you and I have to encourage everyone to get started with that gift. I know I’m going to go there. It’s brandyoubusiness.com/speak, right?
Danielle: That’s right.
Dr. Aziz: Okay. I’m going to go there and find out what those other 4 nuggets are that was a teaser. Where are they? I got to know them. So thank you…
Danielle: My need for completion.
Dr. Aziz: That’s right. Well, thank you so much for joining us today, Danielle. I think it was just a ton of valuable information as well as just inspiration. You’re very inspiring and impactful speaker. So that’s obvious given when you do and it has just been a real pleasure to have you on the show today.
Danielle: Thank you so much for having me. It was a blast.
Dr. Aziz: That brings us to the end of the interview and to the beginning of your action step.
Your action step for today is in talking about this idea of your story and how to craft your story, how to bring it more into any sort of speaking you do. Whether it is to people in your company, to other business owners, in sales, to just general public. Wherever you want to do your speaking, wherever you are doing speaking think about how you can bring stories in. Not just any stories but your story more of yourself because as Danielle was saying people want to know you, they want to feel you. They don’t just want a bunch of information and the more they get a sense of who you are and it doesn’t have to be long or elaborate or 30 minutes, but just little pieces of your story that are going to be impactful for the people that you speak with. The more you can do that the more you can think of those things that’s what I’ll encourage you to do for your action step is to think of pieces of your story that you can share with whoever you’re speaking to that’s going to help them get to know you, that’s going to make you more vulnerable and therefore relatable and them that gives you bigger impact, bigger influence, and ultimately having a bigger message in the world.
So that’s your action step for today and I look forward to speaking with you more in the future. If you want to share about your progress, your successes, your challenges, go to facebook.om/socialconfidence and like the page there and stay up to date with what we’re doing. You can also go to shrinkfortheshygy.com and leave me a message there, share directly with me. I listen to those things, I respond to them and I love to hear from people directly.
So, until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.
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