How To Skyrocket Your Confidence And Achieve Everything You Want In 2016
Most people set goals at the beginning of the new year, but few actually make them a reality.
We get tired, lose focus, and tend to settle back into our comfort zones. Some people think the problem is willpower, but actually it’s confidence.
Join Dr. Aziz as he guides you towards unlimited motivation and self-confidence so you can boldly go after exactly what you want this year.
Click below to hear this episode!
Unlimited Confidence Can Be Yours in 2016
Hey, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy in 2016. Whoa, first episode of the New Year. And you might notice new intro theme song, oh yes, that’s right. They called me mad when I told them I would edit my own podcast. They said, “You fool, it can’t be done.” But I did it and I still do it and that’s how you get such awesome intro music. I chose that one myself. Yeah. Anyway, welcome to the show. Welcome to 2016. Are you excited about the New Year? I get super excited about the New Year. I talked about this on last week show but it just… it’s an amazing time to really decide because what you can do in a year is crazy. A year is a super long time and today, we’re going to be looking at how to have unlimited confidence and motivation for 2016, does that sound good? Would you like both of those things, unlimited confidence and unlimited motivation? What would your year be like? What would 2016 be like if you have those things, if you live that way? It would probably be pretty awesome. So if you like to jump into the conversation, you can go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com and send me a message there. You can ask your questions there. I haven’t done too many of “The ask the shrink things” lately but I will do more because I get questions all the time in email and I just start answering some of those in the show, so I will in 2016. Just one of the many things that I will bring to make the show even more powerful, helpful, useful, life changing, and ultimately a resource for you that if you’re really dedicated, if you really want to handle this stuff and break free from any sort of shyness or anxiety or fear or self doubt or self criticism, this is going to be a place that you’re going to learn. I mean my goal is to make this more valuable than most of the paid programs out there. Just to really overshoot and give away so much stuff that if you’re really motivated you could do it from this podcast alone, that is my goal.
Dig Deeper- Go Back
Of course if you want to go deeper, there’s a ton of stuff I have of ways to do that but my goal is to make this true to life changing for you. So Ask The Shrink, those will be coming back. So go there and ask your questions. You can also go to facebook.comforward/socialconfidence, that is where all the stuff for the show and other things were all posted. So let’s get into Unlimited Confidence And Motivation for 2016. So in the last episode, 2016: The Year That Changed Everything which was the end of last year, we did a really powerful process to help you get clear on what you wanted in 2016 and if you haven’t listened to that one, it’s almost worth pausing right now. I know you just got started in this one, you’re like, “But wait.” But just pause it and actually go back and listen to and do the exercises in that episode because they will set you up. They’re going to give you just a super powerful clear map of exactly which you want to be doing in 2016. I do it in a pretty creative different way that might bypass some of your doubting mind or your sceptical mind in a way that helps you actually just really find out what do I actually want? What really excite me? So that would be a powerful way to get a list of all the stuff you want unlimited confidence and motivation to go after this year. So if you didn’t listen to that and didn’t do that, I suggest go back and do that now. But you might already know some of what you want for 2016. You might be like, ”Yeah, I know what I want” or “I did that list last week” or “Just my own process for setting up for the New Year. And my challenge is not knowing what I want. It’s going after it.” That’s the confidence piece, unlimited confidence right? It’s like, “Well maybe I don’t have the confidence to go after what I really want.” Or it’s a motivation part. “Well I go strong for a day or a week or a couple of weeks or a month where I have these bursts where I’m really going for something,” and then, just kind of ease back into familiar comfort patterns, routines, ruts, stagnation. And nowhere is motivation more challenging I think than what I’ve seen with clients and other people is when it comes to building confidence, building the skill of confidence, that’s where motivation can disappear sometimes on us.
Work At It
And here’s why, it’s because if you’re… let’s say you’re trying to work out or you want to learn an instrument or something like that; you might be motivated. You might work on it for a bit and then maybe other things take priority or you get lazy or something happens, right? But it’s not like you’re learning to play the guitar and you have a horrible experience that makes you feel totally worthless. I mean that could happen I guess if you’re really, really hard on yourself or you have the worst guitar teacher in the world who like shames you and whacks you with rolled up newspaper but for the most part that stuff doesn’t… isn’t so charged. But building confidence and learning the skill of confidence, super charges. Like these minefields and just places you can fall like tiger traps you can fall into and just, “Ugh, this is terrible.” So like if you’re working on confidence, let’s say you’re working on dating your relationship confidence, like, “This year, I’m going to be able to pursue the woman that I really want and really make amazing connections and have a feeling of abundance in my dating life. No longer being afraid or scares and I got to really make this one woman like me because no other woman will.” Forget that. “This year, I want to have abundance of dating opportunities, abundance of connection, abundance of sex and ultimately I like to settle and find an amazing woman. Just find a one woman for me but I’m going to date around first.” Maybe that’s your goal and say like, “I’m going to get out there and do it, yeah.” And you say, “Okay, well first thing I want to do is I’m going to go talk to some women. I’m going to go put an online profile up on a dating site.” And say you go do that and then you go talk to a woman or two or you put up the profile and then something happens. Maybe the woman that you’re talking to doesn’t seem that interested in you or maybe you take a couple of weeks to work up your courage to ask your crush out and he says no. Or you put up an online dating profile. I did this one [laugh].
Put up an online dating profile, sweat over it, pick the right pictures, “Oh God, that doesn’t look…” “Oh, I’m ugly, ugh whatever. I’m going to put these pictures up anyway.” Write out your profile. Try to make it sound cool but not desperate, but not needy, but just right. this is me back when I was really focused on how other people would see me and really pacing most of my actions for dating and for all of life. So I’m sure you can relate to that. And as you put up the profile all the sweat and tears into it and then crickets. There’s nothing and then you have… at the time, I don’t know what I was doing. I think you can poke women or send them messages. I’m poking, sending messages, nothing. And I’m like, “Wow, if that doesn’t say that I’m an un-datable ugly loser, I don’t know what does.” And that was the conclusion I came to at the time. So something like that happens. And then what happens to our motivation? Yeah, it like runs into the corner and it’s gone. And it’s like are you kidding? You want me to go put myself out there again? “WTF man. No, forget that.” And so whether it’s the first time or the fifth time or maybe just a couple in a row, something happens in this process and we lose that motivation. That’s what I’ve seen. It happens to most people and then we settle and we go on to stories. We go back into avoidance, it’s too painful, it’s too much, I can’t handle it. I don’t want it anyway. It never would work out anyway and we quit, we stop, we settle.
Confidence is Key
So whatever you want is going to require confidence. If you don’t have it already, the pathway to getting it is going to be more confidence of some sort or social confidence; more ability to be assertive and powerful and direct. More career confidence to be able to speak up and share your ideas and become a leader. Maybe it’s more financial confidence to be able to believe in yourself, trust that you can earn money and go do it, maybe it’s social dating relationship. Whatever it is, to get the thing that you want, confidence is going to be a big part of it. And we have to build this muscle of confidence which means we have to be able to go into those challenging situations and sometimes have it would work out amazingly and sometimes get rejected, and yet we must continue, we must keep doing that, we must learn how to have the tools to deal with the rejection so we can stay motivated and keep moving because if you just stop after one or two rejections you’re not going to get what you want. So we’re going to have a quick break right now and then we’re going to into how to tap into that unlimited motivation, how to handle those challenges, those setbacks, how to find the place of power and resolve in yourself that’s going to allow you to keep going forward no matter what, to become truly unstoppable. Stay tuned, we’ll be right back right after this.
So first thing to do to tap into unlimited motivation, to be able to pursue want you want, to be able to keep building the confidence that you need in your life. Ready? The first thing is you got to decide, you have to decide in yourself what it is that you’re going to do and you got to get really clear and direct and firm, and like, “This is what I’m going to do.” And make the decision bold. Make the decision dramatic. Make the decision epic. We spend so much of our lives living as if our life is meaningless or inconsequential or insignificant, “I’m just one of the 7.5 billion people, so why do I matter?” Fuck that, you do matter. Your life is epic. Your life is a heroic journey if for no one else for you but probably for other people too. And the more you can break free from whatever BS is stopping you, for being your most confidence self, then the more heroic and the more epic your life is going to touch because the more people you’re going to touch. Whether its loved ones, family members, co-workers, friends, colleagues, community, fans, audiences, whatever it is, the more you gain in confidence, the more lives you going to touch, and the more truly heroic and epic your life will become but it already is, even if it’s just for you. Even if you live alone in an apartment with a cat; tried it for many years, two cats, it’s still epic. And so let’s makes it epic, let’s decide. So what are you going to decide right now? Is it, “I’m going to find the love of my life this year? I’m going to find my soul mate, I’m going to find that woman,” or if you’re a woman listening that man. I’ve gotten a few emails and it’s just like, “Hey, I’m a woman, why are you only talking to men?” Well this show is Shrink For The Shy Guy. So mostly talking to man but this stuff if you’re a woman listening don’t worry, you going to get everything you need. All the stuff applies just change the pronouns. So maybe you decide, “I want to find the partner of my dreams, the woman of my dreams this year.” Sort of epic, right, sort of dramatic. Not just like, “Yeah, maybe I’ll find someone and we’ll date maybe.” ,Or “Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to hopefully get a girlfriend this year,” right? You see the difference? It’s like, step… in fact, stand up if you can. If you’re not driving, but actually stand up and feel your body full on the floor, feel your feet evenly, space your weight balanced. Take a deep breath in and stand tall, as if a string is pulling you up from your tailbone through your spine up to the crown of your head and decide, “I am going to do whatever it takes to find an amazing person who is the best fit for me who’s going to be something that… it’s just going to be bring so much to my life. It’s going to magnify my life. It’s going to create so much love in my life and I want to be the man that attracts that person. I’m going to decide that.”
What’s Your One Thing?
Or maybe it’s not dating, maybe you’re married or maybe you’re not focusing on that right now, what is it? “I’m going to be a leader in my field.” “I’m going to double my business.” “I’m going to get an amazing group of friends. I’m going to find three amazing friendships and cultivate them and have that core group of people that I’ve always wanted.” Whatever it is, maybe if you list to like 20 things you want this year, don’t do… I guess you can go one-by-one, just pick one for now. What’s the one thing? And just decide it, “I am going to do this.” “I am this.” And the power of your will, of your intention, of you intending something into the universe is impactful and it’s important and it may even set things in a motion from the second you do it that you cannot see or perceive, but it starts with that decision. Awesome. I’m so curious what you decided. Maybe you’d share with me at shrinkfortheshyguy.com. Okay. So now you have the decision. Now, we got to have reasons. Les Brown says, “Your reasons are your rope.” That’s the thing you hold on to when it gets hard, when you fall down and that person says, “Get away from me, I don’t like you, ugh.” Or you speak up at work and someone says, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” And you do something else, maybe worse maybe more critical, I don’t know. But something happens and you get that feeling like you got punched in the gut and you’re in that shame spiral, “I’m a loser, I’m not good enough, why did I ever think I could do this. This is never going to work out, I’m terrible.” And every fiber in your being wants to turn and cower and run into the corner. Your reasons are your rope; that’s what you’re going to hold on to that you can hand over fist, pull yourself one-by-one, step-by-step, back on the path, back towards where you want to go. So what are your reasons? Why do you want that thing that you decided? Why is that important to you? Why is that significant? Why are you committed to making that happen? In fact say those things out loud right now. I know it’s crazy. Well it’s even crazier if people around and you got like headphones and you’re in the library, “Because I’m sick and tired of living this way [laugh].” In line like a subway, “Because I’m going to do whatever it takes.” “Who is that guy? Is he unstable?”
But maybe no one’s around and no one is inhibiting you. No one is going to judge you except for you and you’re so inhibited that you won’t even speak up when no one is around. And I realized that I was like that many, many, many years ago. I was looking in the mirror, I think I just got out the shower and I was like, I think I made some silly voice or I was talking out loud or I was doing something and I just like stopped and I was judging myself for doing it. And then I stopped and observed that and I was like, “What the fuck, no one is around. There’s no that can hear me.” And yet I have this perceived, this feeling of observing and judging and it’s not… and what do people think? And when I saw that I was like, “Man, let’s liberate that.” So say it out loud and if you can’t, you’re not comfortable, that’s fine too. What are those reasons? Come up with at least three, at least three. That’s right, I’m waiting [laugh]. I’m waiting for your do it, waiting for you to say it, come up with another one. Come up with two, you probably got your three maybe, can you get five? I mean the more you have, the better. The stronger, the more compelling they are, the more emotional they are, the better. The stronger, the firmer, the thicker that rope, the more strands you have in a rope, the better right? So find those reasons, dig deep. Good. Good. Okay. So now you have your decision and your reasons. And just notice, how do you feel? Do you feel different? Do you feel more powerful in your body? Good. So we’re going to get a quick break right now and when we get back we’re going to continue with how to sustain motivation? How to keep it going even when you’re struggling? How to notice some of the pitfalls that happen, things that get us stuck and side step them or break through them so you can keep going; keep moving forward and having that unlimited motivation for the entire year. So stay tuned, we’ll get into that right after this break.
Okay. So you have your… what you want to go for. You have the decision of what you’re going to do or what you’re going to go after or who you are going to be. And then you have solid reasons. That’s a great start. Here’s what you need to do though, now… like as soon as this show is over, if you’re so eager you can even just stop listening and go do this, is take some action. You got to take an action even if it’s a really small action, it’s symbolic. I learned that one from Tony Robins. At the moment of decision, when you’ve decide you take some action that commits you to the process. It pushes you into it, you do it. So if you’re like, “I want to get into a great shape this year.” Maybe that’s… maybe you’re working on physical appearance confidence, strengthen your body confidence. Believe that you can put yourself into something and grow and strengthen your muscles and your core and your cardiovascular health and then look better as a result, and feel better as a result and feel more proud of yourself, maybe that’s what you’re working on, great place for confidence. And the more we use our body, I mean the better we feel so awesome goal. Maybe that’s your thing. At the moment of the end of the show, commit yourself. Find that gym, call them up and set your first appointment up or better yet buy a month subscription. Nothing commits us more than money, we put our money into something and we’re like, “Oh shit, I guess I better get my money’s worth.” A good friend of mine here in Portland is… runs a personal training gym. So it’s a place that you can actually go and he has trainers that he has trained. He works with people where you work out in a space but there’s also people there who can observe, supervise, help give you activity plans. So it’s a more structured form of growth. There’s more accountability rather than just going to a gym by yourself or no one knows whether you go or not, sure we’ve all done that. “Yeah, i have my gym membership.” And then like your attendance starts to… it’s really high on month one, two and then by month six, it’s like your 24-hour fitness card is a gathering dust at the bottom of some pile of clothes in your closet [laugh].”Where’s my card? Ah, whatever.”
So maybe you sign up for something or in this case you’d go there and say, “Hey, I want to do like a week of this training and test that out.” You’d call them up, you’d look at them up, you’d find something out in the internet, you’re making a call, you’d send them an email. And that is just one example about the fitness thing; maybe dating is your thing. Well then you go find an online site that you’re going to set up a profile or you go reach out to three women on your app or whatever you’re using these days, or there’s a woman that you know that you’ve met but she didn’t really talk to you. You send her a message on Facebook or you schedule in your calendar, “Tomorrow after work on the way home I’m going to stop by the mall and I’m just going to say hi to three women as I walk by them. I’m not even going to talk to them, I’m just going to get over my fear of at least making contact with women that I’m attracted to.” Whatever it is, you schedule that in your calendar, you commit yourself, you do something at the moment of decision and that changes everything. Because it sets you into motion, it gives you momentum and a big part of motivation is momentum. When you have momentum, motivation is easy. Have you ever noticed that? If you’ve been doing something for quite a while it’s just becomes natural, becomes easier, becomes habit. But then when you stop it’s like there’s so much motivation, it takes so much energy. Its inertia, right, you got to get it going again. So momentum is powerful and you can start it right now in this very moment, like making a decision by committing, by scheduling.
And then another thing that’s super, super important to do as well; know the road ahead. What are the three biggest pitfalls that might trip you up? And the best place to look for these is in the past. Because most things we’ve tried once before and maybe it’s totally new, maybe you’ve never done anything on whatever it is you chose that you’re going to do but usually whether it’s our fitness or confidence or social confidence or meeting woman or speaking up at work, you’ve maybe already tried or put some effort into it; and that is great. Sometimes we hear that and we think, “Well geez, that’s evidence that I can’t do it, evidence that I’m doomed.” And that’s what a part of your mind will say, your safety police will always say, “You’re doomed, it will never work, so don’t try and stay safe in your comfort zone where it’s warm and cozy.” And so that part is always going to be there but the truth is, if you tried and you didn’t get the results you want, that is actually really valuable because we can find out what exactly did I do, but then I say to myself, “How did that happen? How did it break down?” And then you’re going to find one of your pitfalls, and I encourage you to find three right now.
So the thing that you decided you’re going to do, what are three potential pitfalls? So for example for me for fitness, I’m on a solid fitness routine, I’m running, I’m working out. One thing that can get in the way is I tell myself I’m too busy to go do it and I prioritize something over working out. It’s a total crock; I mean I’m really not, I’m just choosing to do something else. But that’s what I tell myself and it will work, it will… like it will… in that moment I’ll just say, “Okay, you don’t have time this morning, I’ll do this instead” or “I’ll do later today.” [laugh] Later is never, but that’s one pitfall. So maybe that’s your pitfall for fitness, but maybe when it comes to going in meeting someone or being more socially outgoing and practicing that, you tell yourself, “I don’t feel like it, I’ll wait until I feel like it more.” And then you never feel like it more, so it never happens, right? So find out what your pitfalls are and come up with three of those right now. And hopefully you’re jotting stuff down, I usually say that at the beginning of some episodes but this is all in your head, it’s valuable if you write stuff down, it’s life changing. Good. So I’m curious what are those three pitfalls are and that brings us to the end of this show, we can’t leave without your actions.
So your action step for today is actually what we talked about earlier which is take some action on the decision you make. I don’t know what it is, but you do. So take it and take it literally right now. I don’t care what time of day it is, “Oh, I can’t do it because it’s 9:00 PM.” And you can do something. You can find something on the internet. You can reach out. You can send an email. You can schedule something in your calendar. You can tell someone you’re going to go do something. You can email a buddy and say, “Hey, we should go do this on Saturday.” Whatever it is, take the action, do it right now and that will start you into momentum, into motivation, into unlimited confidence in 2016. So I cannot wait to be with you for this journey. I’m going to be here all 2016 and beyond. So I can’t wait to share that with you and learn and grow together over this year to come. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. Talk to you soon.
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