Fear(39503618)_s
Click below to hear this episode!

Hey, welcome today’s episode of the show. Today, we’re going to be opening up a brand new path. It’s like, maybe there’s a … you’re going down a hallway and there’s a door that you’ve never opened and we’re going to open that door and you’re going to look down this path and say, “Whoa, that’s there? I can do that?” That’s my goal for today, is to have a sense of possibility and freedom, inspiration and then of course, action, to put it all into place. So let’s dive into that in just a moment here. First, I want to take one quick second to remind you that enrollment is open right now for my Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind program. That program is my favorite thing that I’m doing right now. It is extraordinarily powerful.

I love watching the transformations and the people involved in it and what I love most about it is it’s a journey that I go on with people over the course of the year where we get to see where they’re starting and it is an immersive program. It’s basically me saying, what is everything that I can put together that’s going to produce the biggest, most powerful shifts in someone’s life. And what we do is we get together in a small group, it’s limited to just 10 people and it’s a year-long program that involves getting on the phone regularly three times a month where we go deep in these calls of two hours long and we help people work through the course stuff that’s holding them back and making them afraid, anxious, self-critical and shifting all of that and those are powerful and sometimes we go deep and they’re heavy.

Sometimes, people are laughing, there’s usually a lot of laughing in the calls and really breaking free and then they also get VIP tickets to all my weekends so they get to come to the weekends repeatedly and see the transformation each time that they come back. How they’re different? What they’re able to do? And it is fun and the people … I mean, this program is not for everybody. It’s limited to a small number on purpose because I want to give everyone individual attention. So but if you’re called to go deeper, to really handle this once and for all … because that’s my goal as you get in this you, you do the work needed to set yourself up for a life of confidence in your dating life. We have guys in the group who want to date and meet someone or get better at dating, more confident in dating or your business and work life. There will be a lot of people who want to be able to speak up more in meetings more boldly, reach higher levels of leadership and influence or entrepreneurial confidence. We have a couple guys who are growing their businesses but man, that takes a lot of confidence. So there’s so much there.

If you’re drawn to it go to confidenceunleashednow.com/mastermind, confidenceunleashednow.com/mastermind. Also have the link below for it at shrinkfortheshyguy.com. It’ll be in the show notes below this but this is something that is … we only open it twice a year enrollment in the program and so it’ll be now or next year basically, the next opportunity to do it. And it’s limited to just 10 people so if you want to do this, come check it out and I think that it could be something that would really help you take things to the next level. And I would love to get to know you and work with you personally. I mean, I really love the people in that program. I bond with them. I just have a dear spot in my heart for everyone in there. So, here is how were’ going to open up this door way for you today. Are you ready? I’m going to ask you a question and it’s a super important question. What if you weren’t afraid? What if you weren’t afraid in your life about anything?

Now I know that might seem unrealistic or unreasonable and it’s not meant to be something that you’re supposed to experience like some robot or something but what if you weren’t afraid? Because so much of our life is restricted because of fear; there’s so many things that we don’t do on a daily basis, weekly basis, monthly basis, yearly basis, because of fear. And we are constantly navigating our life to avoid these things that we’re afraid of and then at the same time maybe not having a life that we want. Not having the social life that we want. The dating life, the business life, the career, we’re just kind of like okay, I guess that’s okay enough and so much of it, is because we’re avoiding what we’re afraid of. So what if you weren’t afraid?

There’s this myth that’s pretty prevalent in our culture, it’s pretty common, it’s held by most people and it goes something like this, “I can’t because I’m afraid or I couldn’t because I was afraid.” I can’t because I’m afraid. This is extremely common and if you ask someone well so what is it that, “Oh the meeting sucked. They didn’t listen to me.” Oh, did you kind of interrupt and put your viewpoint out there and insert yourself? No, I didn’t. Why not? Oh I couldn’t because I was afraid. Did you speak up and share ideas and give a presentation here? No, I didn’t because I was afraid. Did you approach that attractive person? No, I didn’t because I was afraid. I can’t because I’m scared. Have you told yourself this, where are you telling yourself this right now in your life? I can’t because I’m afraid. I really want to do that but I’m too scared, right? It’s so fast, it’s so subtle, it’s so common that we don’t even slow down to question it because … because is a causal statement, right? I am tired because I didn’t get enough sleep. I’m full because I just ate, right? There’s a connection there; I am full because I just ate; the eating made me full. So when we use that language, I can’t because I’m afraid it’s like, well, the fear stops me. Why couldn’t I? Because I was afraid. And that’s the part that we really have to question because this doesn’t happen for little kids by the way, little kids don’t necessarily have this.

I remember all the while back, we were at … this was in the summer time, we were at the pool and that my cousin has a little kid, he was like seven, six or seven, seven, and there was a high dive at the pool, I don’t know the height, the high dive was like 20 feet or something, it’s high and I know when I was little kid, that scared me. Anyway, so this little kid went up and wanted to do the high dive. His parents are like, “Okay, can you do it?” And he’s like, “Yes” so he climbs up the thing the ladder gets to the top, gets to the edge he looks down, boom, jumps in in the water, splash … and he’s having an awesome time. And when he got out of the water and we’re kind of hanging out at the side of the pool, I said like, ” Wow, that’s really high up” and he said, “Yes,” and I said, you know when I was a kid I remember I don’t think I would high dive at your age, I think I was really scared.

And I was like, “Were you scared?” and he said, “Yes, right? That … what a powerful lesson in there. Were you scared? Yes. It’s like it’s yes, I was scared and I did it. Yes, I was scared and I did it. And that is one of the biggest insights that can liberate you is there is no connection between fear and action. You can take action even though you’re scared. Fear has no power to stop you. In fact that’s such a core belief of mine that we have that at all my events. We have a banner that says, “Do what scares you until fear has no power to stop you.” Do what scares you until fear has no power to stop you. And that’s mostly what we’re doing at the events. We’re giving like specific strategies and trainings on specific things like conversation mastery. How to start and keep conversations going. Or dating confidence; how to flirt and connect and create your better relationships? But in addition to these specific skills, we’re doing a ton of practice, a ton of breaking that link of, “I can’t because I’m afraid.

So people end up doing all kinds of stuff at the weekend that they’ve never done before even though they’re scared. And we do a lot of prep work in the room to help people be able to take that risk and to take that leap but we have to be able to do that and break that link. And the more you break that link which basically just means you do it even though you’re scared, you prove to yourself, “I can act even though I’m afraid.” It’s okay to be scared. Fear doesn’t have to stop me in any way. And that’s what leads to the powerful question of this episode, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? In fact, let’s take a moment, have a quick break and when we get back, we’re going to dive even deeper into that. But just think about that, right now. What would you do if you weren’t afraid in your work life, elsewhere, start pondering that; we’ll dive deeper in just one moment.

So what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Let’s think about the core areas of your life. The core areas of your life are social life, dating and relationships, business and career, maybe others too. Health as well but perhaps self too actually, that’s a big one. Let’s look at some of those core ones. What would you do in your work life if you weren’t afraid? How would you interact with people? Would you speak up more? Would you be running your own business? Maybe you’re already running your own business and there’s tons of things that you can do if you’re not scared. What would it be specifically for you? Maybe for you it’s not business right now. Maybe it’s dating and relationships. Maybe you’re single, maybe you want to be able to just walk up to be … maybe you do that if you weren’t afraid. Maybe you’re already in a relationship and you’d have some conversations that you’ve needed to have for a while but you’ve been too scared to do it. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

And you want to get really clear and really specific for your life. And if we were in a session right now, I’d be asking you this and we’d be digging deeper so this is what I want you to do right now for yourself is come up with these things, think of them. Good, so what are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? When will you do these things? Later, tomorrow, someday, I don’t know that sounds terrible, maybe never, when? The more you can do what you would do if you weren’t afraid, the more you will no longer be afraid. What does that mean? The more you can do what you would do if you weren’t afraid. So the thing that you wouldn’t do, let’s say, approaching an attractive stranger, creating, doing your own business, creating your own business or maybe going out and doing things; approaching promotional partners, approaching customers and clients, inviting them to work with you. Selling people things for business, those are key pieces.

The more you can do those things so you can approach that person, the more you will no longer be afraid. The only way to get over the fear is to do it repeatedly a shitload of times, the only way that I know of, that anyone has really shown to be effective. I mean, there’s stuff you can do to help you work with the fear and that’s what … of course, that’s what I do when I work with people on the weekends and coaching groups and stuff. It’s like we’re working on the inner game, the mindset, the emotions but that’s all to help you clear out enough shit so that you can just start taking action and then of course as you start taking action, more stuff comes up, “Oh my God, I’m doing it. I’m freaking out.” But that’s already better than not doing it because now you’re in motion and then it’s like great, let’s work with whatever feelings are coming up, more fear, doubt, it’s all going to fall apart. Oh my God, everyone’s going to hate me.

Now, let’s heal up all the stuff but we have to get in the motion and the more we start doing that, the faster we’re going to grow. That’s why I asked that question, what are you waiting for? And here’s one of the things that most people are waiting for. I’ll take action when I don’t feel fear. I’ll take action when I don’t feel fear anymore. When the fear goes away or is significantly less then I’ll take action. But guess what? It doesn’t work that way. It never works that way. It never will work that way. The fear will never go away without taking action. It will only stay where it is or get stronger and worse because that’s how fear works. You don’t do anything around … you don’t face that fear in a long time, it gets harder and harder and harder to do it. Now the good news is once you’ve really broken through and mastered an area, like for example, approaching women and starting conversations, not for dating, I don’t do that right now because I’m married and not looking to date or meet someone in that way, although still have conversations with people.

I still talk to women, attractive women sometimes too so … but I’m not like heavily flirting and getting your number and going on dates so I haven’t done that in a long time. So, if there were some life circumstance where I was going to need to do that, most likely the first couple times I was going to that, I’d feel a lot of fear. Like, “Oh shit, oh God, she’s going to like me.” Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to me.” And maybe the first few rejections were like, “Oh God, oh she didn’t … oh I’m not good enough.” Right? But because I’ve done so much work on it, it’ll be like working through three or four of those and then, boom. So it’s like riding a bike, you can get back on very quickly but still there’s going to be a few barriers built up from not doing it for many years. So it’s the same in any of these areas that the more we go through it, the more we break it down, the more the fear disappears. So, let’s talk about how you can do this in your life right now.

Action Step

Your action step for today is to A, come up with one thing that you would do if you weren’t afraid. One thing that you would do if you weren’t afraid in one area of your life, you probably already have it from listening to this episode. If not, come up with it right now. Great, number two. You probably guessed what I’m going to say, right? You probably already know, right? Number two, do it. That’s right, do it and when? When should we do it? Maybe like Sunday or five weeks from now or next year or something, I don’t know. Never, no, now. Like literally, right now. Can you do it right now? If you can’t do it right now then maybe you should pick something else. Or maybe pick something you can do like today or if you’re listening to this at midnight, tomorrow morning, right now, now, send the email, pick up the phone, ask that person, walk over to them right now, because the more you get to “now,” the more things change, the faster the things change, the more you are in charge of your life and the more your life explodes in exponential ways, in all areas. It’s all about now so, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Good stuff. Thank you so much for being with me today. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

close
Facebook IconYouTube IconTwitter IconVisit My Google+ Page!