How To Maximize Your Motivation And Confidence Now
In this illuminating episode, you will discover the Five Levels of Commitment so you can determine where you currently are.
You will also learn how to activate the highest level of commitment so you can rapidly and powerfully achieve the confidence and life that you truly want for yourself.
Click below to hear this episode!
Just one day left to claim your ticket for Dr. Aziz’s upcoming LIVE event – The Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough! If you’re growing and changing as you listen to this podcast, getting together in person will be like rocket fuel.
Hey, welcome to today’s episode of the show. Today is exciting because you’re going to learn a map– I would call it. Five levels that you can use to assess where you are. Get your location in anything in your life. Anything that’s important. Anything that matters to you, including your confidence or skill level with anything that you want. Whether it’s your dating life, your work life, your career, or your health. This applies to anything in life because it’s about how you make decisions and how you show up. So I’m super excited to share this with you because it’s inspiring. Just by learning this you become more disciplined, dedicated, and committed. So I’m super excited.
It’s very fitting because this episode is called Whatever It Takes and right now we’re having the early bird special for the ultimate confidence breakthrough coming up in June. That is truly an event. If you’re ready to do whatever it takes, as in, get on a plane and come out here to Portland, then you will achieve results. I’ve seen that in myself again and again. You probably know my story of getting to that place, alone in my room on some night after getting rejected again. After working up the courage again to approach someone I was attracted to and her not being interested. Worse still, her going on one date with me and then not being interested. It’s one thing if you just talked for ten seconds or two minutes. But if they go on a date with you and hang out with you for an hour and then they’re like, “Yeah, you kind of suck. I don’t want to hang out with you.” Ugh, right? I was so frustrated. I remember reaching that breaking point in my room. I was like, “I’m going to do whatever it takes to figure this out.” I’ll share more about that in this episode.
Before we begin, go to confidenceunleashednow.com/weekend. We have the link below at shrinkfortheshyguy.com as well. Go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com to claim your ticket for the early bird. Because after that, the price goes up by 50%– or it doubles. It doubles back up to its normal rate of [$90.97 00:02:41] for the weekend. Right now, it’s half of that. It’s 50%. So this is a great time to do it. I can’t tell you how much the weekends are powerful, life-changing experiences. I’ve seen it again and again. Some people that are in my Mastermind program come back repeatedly to different weekends. The transformation you see in them from say, month one to month six or month one to month ten is just remarkable. I’m not the only one who sees it. Other people see it as well. They walk taller. They look you in the eye. It’s the same person but kind of a different person. So if you were on the fence, I would highly recommend it.
The only way you’d regret it is if you came and then you’re like, “I came but I don’t want to show up. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to participate. I don’t want to learn.” Then maybe you’d regret it because you’d be like, “Why am I here?” But if you really want to break through, if you want to do this fast and you’re sick and tired of living stuck, limited, afraid, self-doubting, self-critical, wanting that relationship, wanting something, maybe that will happen next year or maybe later. Fuck that! Now is the time. So, come join me. You will be inspired and I think you’re going to learn some things that are going to help you completely break through.
This weekend is all about breaking through the fear of what other people are going to think of you. The fear of “people aren’t going to like me.” The fear of rejection. You would not believe how much that holds people back in every area of life. In your dating life, in relationships, in business, in your career, in your social life, and having the friends that you want. It all comes back to this core fear of rejection, which you’re just going to obliterate. We do that in some really powerful deep work as well as some really fun things that just make you laugh and just let go of a lot of stuff. So, come join me. Go to confidenceunleashednow.com/weekend to find out all the details and reserve your seat.
Today, we are going to be talking about: Whatever It Takes. This is one of the levels. There are five levels of commitment. This is something you want to look at when it comes to building your confidence because that’s a process, right? You’ve probably learned that it’s not just: I learn one thing or one affirmation and then Bam! I’m confident forever. This is an ongoing process of you taking action, building your self-awareness, changing the way you talk to yourself and treating yourself better. Learning skills like conversation and dating skills, attraction building skills, and public speaking skills. Learning these things and applying them. Having ups and downs, where some days you break through and you have an awesome experience. You give a great presentation or you get an amazing date after meeting a stranger. Then you have days where, if you’re in sales and ten people say no to you and then this woman that you’re dating says she doesn’t want to see you anymore or who knows, right? You have days where you just get kicked in the teeth. That’s part of the process. There is no permanent, silver bullet, one-day quick fix for confidence; or for anything: for your health, for your money, for your career, and for your relationships. It’s all processes, right? And every process requires a commitment to keep going day after day. Whether it’s going to the gym or building this confidence. But not all commitments are created equal.
There are five levels of commitment. This originally started with something called Reality Therapy by a guy named Willam Glasser. He was a psychiatrist in England who created this. And there’s another guy he worked with a lot named Dr. Robert Wubbolding. These guys pioneered a lot of what’s called Reality Therapy today. William Glasser has a book called Choice Theory that’s great. (I don’t know if Robert Wubbolding has his own book. He might. Probably does.) It’s great. It’s a type of strong behavioral therapy. “Take action in your life,” is their core way of solving a lot of problems. They are big believers in action changing your identity. So, it’s great stuff. Very inspiring. They have these levels of commitment that I found really interesting. Here’s my version of them. It’s tweaked and enhanced based upon my own experience. But the original ideas came from them.
I want you to be thinking about, as we’re talking about this, your level of commitment. Let’s focus on this process of building confidence. I know we said we could talk about the gym and your health and everything else. But your level of confidence, that’s even more specifically for you, right? Where do you want that confidence? How does it show up? Maybe there’s a certain dating life you want to be able to create for yourself where you can approach and be a lot more comfortable in creating the dates and relationships that you want. Maybe it’s in your work or in your career. You want to speak up more boldly. Whatever it is. You know the path that you’re on.
Let’s look at the level of commitment you have to this path. Here’s level one. Level one is just a lack of commitment really. This level is characterized by lots of resistance and statements like, “I don’t really want to do anything different. I like doing what I’m doing. I don’t want to speak up in meetings. I like being quiet in the back. I don’t want to go approach a stranger. I like being single. I don’t want to. I like this. This is fine. I don’t want to work out because going to the gym is for idiots. Stupid people looking in the mirror. I don’t want to do that. Those egomaniacs. Those self-loving narcissists in there. That’s not my thing. It’s weird. I don’t want to go there. I like the way I look. I’m content with myself.” Right? Ring any bells? I know I’ve been in places like that. That’s level one: Lack of Commitment.
As we’re going through these, I really want you to pay attention to where you are. Let’s take a break right now, then we’re going to get into level two. I doubt you’re at level one. If you’re listening to this podcast, you’re probably not at level one. Those are the people that are not listening, not reading and not doing any work on this. So let’s get to the levels that you probably are at. And I guarantee that once you hear all these, it paves the way and opens the door for you to instantly rise to a higher level. Well, that’s the hope anyway. So stay tuned. We’ll be right back right after this with the second level.
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So, second level of commitment. This is outcome without effort. I want the outcome but I don’t want to put any effort. This is where a lot of people actually are. This is the level of wish, hope and fantasy. “I want to lose weight and get in great shape. I want to be able to walk up to any attractive stranger and just casually start talking to them. Relaxed, confident and at ease. I want to start my own business. I want to get a promotion. I want to make X amount of money. (Insert your preferred large number here.) I want to get a promotion. I want to do this. I want that, sure.”
We want all these things but we don’t want to make any real effort. We don’t want to take that action consistently over time, effort over time, as Dan Millman says. We don’t want to do that. We don’t want to do any work at all for the outcome. We just want it now, quickly and easily.
This level is, obviously, characterized by a lack of any real significant action over time. Maybe you’re doing some reading online. Maybe you even read a book or got a program. It’s not like there’s nothing here. But even though we’re getting that stuff, we’re looking for it to do something to us. We’re definitely still in a victim stance in life. Victim of circumstance. “Life is going to do things to me and push me around like a billiard ball and it’s going to push me to where I want to be. I’m not going to do it. I don’t have any agency. Life is going to do it for me.”
So we read some stuff online. We get some ideas. But we don’t significantly implement it. We don’t actually go get to the gym everyday. We don’t actually go start saying “Hi” to ten people a day. We don’t actually start approaching people and practicing our conversations because that’s all effort and we want it now. And when we’re doing this, we might say, “I want it now without effort.” That’s pretty honest. But usually we deceive ourselves, so we say, “Oh, it’s just too hard. I just don’t have the time. Oh, I was born this way. Oh, look at him, he’s so suave. He must have been born that way. Oh, it’s not fair that they gave that person the promotion. She’s just lucky.” It’s just the excuse-land.
I talk about this in my book, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, which, if you haven’t read it by the way, I highly recommend it. If you haven’t, you can get it on Audible. It’s the audio version. Me reading to you for 13 hours. It’s a beast but it’s fun. Someone left a review and called it a comedy-drama, which it is. It’s a lot of stuff from my own life. Lot’s of stuff in there that will make you laugh, as well as inspire you to higher and higher levels of confidence. That’s my goal. And if you read that book and benefited from it, please by all means, go to Amazon.com and give it a great review. I would really appreciate that. So if you’ve read it and you’re like, “Oh, I like that book.” Then I would really appreciate that favor. Thank you.
So, that’s the excuse-land. We want the outcome without the effort. So just looking right now, when it comes to this process of building the confidence and where you want it most, be honest with yourself. Are you here? Do you hang out here sometimes where you want the outcome without the effort? Of course it’s okay. As a human, sure, we all want instant gratification. But I mean, not like, “Oh yeah, I want that, but that’s not going to happen so let me get to work.” Are you actually hanging out in this level and hoping, wishing, waiting for something to be different? Hint: It never will be.
Okay, level three. Level three is a level of trying. This level of commitment indicates that we’re actually going to do something now. We’re willing to put some work in. Try things. Take action. Begin to take steps in the world. I also mention this stuff in the book, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence. Trying is weak. It basically says you’re going to take action until you hit something difficult or challenging and then you’ll quit. This is characterized by phrases like: “I’ll try. Maybe I’ll do that. Maybe I’ll reach out to them. I’ll probably go there this weekend and try to talk to a few people, maybe.” We put in tons of qualifiers, tons of exits, and tons of backdoors.
I call people out all the time in my Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind group. We have these calls that we do weekly and there’s a lot of accountability built into that group. People say they’re going to do something and we hold them to that commitment. Someone says, “Okay, I really want to work on this.” Great. We come up with a challenge for them. And they’ll say, “Okay, good. I’ll try to do that this week.” And then I’ll say, “Okay, you’ll try to do it?” And then, sometimes, we’ll flush it out. Maybe they’re not at a high level of commitment. Sometimes they’re like, “Oh, yup. That was just me saying that. I will do it.” I’m like, “Great.” And when they say that, they’re much more likely to actually do it because it pops them into a higher level of commitment.
This is extremely common. I see this in clients a lot. You might be here a lot. This is a normal part of any process. Where we go along and then we hit a snag. We get rejected and it hurts. We try something and it fails. We feel embarrassed. Then we’re like, “I want to stop. I don’t want to do this.” We get discouraged. Now that’s normal as well. That’s part of the process. But the difference here is if we’re really at this level, we get discouraged and we just stall out. We stop for long periods of time. Or we entrench further into stories. “Something wrong with me. I’m never going to get this. I’m broken. I’m fucked up. I’m weird. I can’t do this. This is never going to happen. Even if it does happen, it’s going to take, like, 15 years.” That’s one of my favorite ones. This will never happen and even if it does, it will take– insert some large amount of years here. This level is about, “What’s the minimum I have to do to get the results that I want.”
The bare-minimum-to-get-by standard is the calling card of the dabbler. It will never lead to mastery. It will never get you what you want. It never leads to great outcomes, consistent results, success, wealth, happiness, love, anything that you really want. You have to go to a higher level of commitment, which is level four.
Level four. That’s where it’s at man. Level four is, “I’ll do my best.” This is where things really start to heat up. This is when you start to take consistent action. You face your challenges head on and you step up in your life. This is where you start to notice progress and get results. You start to feel good and you start to build momentum. It really starts to compound in your life. This might sound like where it’s at. Like, “Well, this has got to be the highest level of commitment, right? I’m doing my best.” That’s what people will say, “Hey all you can do is your best. You just got to do your best.” That’s great and it does produce great results. You can get great results from doing your best. But there’s still something there. There’s still an exit door. There’s still a backdoor that we can pull out and say, “I tried. I did my best. Now, I’m going to quit.”
So let’s say you’re working on something and you’re working on it. You’re actually really doing it. You’re doing your best and you’re putting in weeks or even months of effort. You put in energy and attention and your money. And you’re focused and you’re really doing it. You do your best but you still aren’t getting the results that you want and it’s been three months, let’s say. When this happens, a lot of people will say, “Well, look. I did my best and I still haven’t got it. I guess I’m never meant to achieve X. I’m never meant to be that kind of guy. I’m never meant to be able to do that.” That’s totally false, by the way, but it does make up for us a plausible sounding story, doesn’t it? Then we can stop. We can stop putting in the effort, which is inherently uncomfortable. We can get back into our comfort zone and get in that safety net again. “Ah, I can stop trying. Because hey, I gave it my all.” Now, of course, if we really believe that then we’re in trouble because the next time we ever want to consider achieving that thing again, our mind is going to say, “Hey, look. You did your best and you couldn’t do it. So why put all that effort in?” A lot of people stay stuck there and never try again. I don’t want that for you.
This one is powerful and you are going to get some great results with this one. But you got to go to the next level if you really want to break through this or anything else in your life to achieve high levels of confidence, extraordinary results, and really living a life that you feel good about, feel proud of and feel excited about. We’re going to get into that fifth level right after this.
Let’s talk about level five of commitment: Whatever It Takes. If you are already at that level, then you might have gone over to ConfidenceUnleashedNow.com/weekend and gotten yourself a seat. Because that is level five commitment. That’s doing whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes. That’s that level that I got to that night in my house where I was feeling alone, desperate, stuck, and frustrated. It wasn’t, “I’ll try.” It wasn’t even, “I’ll do my best.” It was, “I’m going to do whatever it takes.” Here is what the difference is. The difference is: I’m not going to stop. I’m not going to do it for two or three weeks or two or three months, and then say, “Well, I did my best. I’m going to quit. Hey look, if I’m not getting those results, if I don’t feel like I’m progressing at three months, guess what I’m going to do. I’m going to try something else and do a different approach. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to try something else and do a different approach. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to get some help and some guidance. I’m going to read a couple of books. I’m going to try something else and I’m going to get a different result. And if that’s not the result that I want then I’m going to find someone else and get coaching and I’m going to get a different result. I’m going to try that and I’m going to apply that. I’m going to keep going and I’m going to learn. I’m going to go again. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to go again and get a different result. I’m going to keep going and keep making progress and keep learning and keep course correcting because I’m not going to fucking stop.” That is level five. That is doing whatever it takes. You cut off all exit routes. You cut off all excuses. There’s no escape. If I don’t know something, I need to learn it. If I’m scared to do something, I need to face it and overcome it. If I believe I can’t, then I must.
This level is so powerful because it shows you again and again that your mind’s predictions are false. What is says is possible for you or impossible for you is totally arbitrary and totally made up because if you consistently go down this path and keep course correcting and don’t stop, you will do the impossible. You will do what your mind says is not possible for you again and again and again. So, this level is where you want to be in any area of your life that matters for you. This level is where you achieve extraordinary results. This level is where you transform things forever.
In my clinical training as a psychologist, a lot of people would talk about anxiety management and coping with social anxiety. You got to teach people to learn to live with this. And I’m like, “Fuck that!” Let’s liberate ourselves. Why are we going to just be stuck with this and have to live with this forever? Why can’t we fully break free? Anxiety is not some inherent quality in a human. Anxiety is something that we learn. It’s a pattern. Let’s fully break free. But here’s the thing: The only people that fully break free are the people at level five– willing to do whatever it takes. I encourage you to step up to that level in your own life. What would that look like for you? In fact, that actually brings us to your action step.
Your action step for today is to ask yourself that question. What level am I at in this process of building my confidence and becoming the person that I want to be? And, what would level five look like? And, you know what, if you’re at level three, then maybe, “What would level four look like?” first. If you’re at the, “I’ll try. Maybe.” Or maybe you’re at level two, “I want the results but I don’t want to put any effort in.” Just look at the next level above. What would that look like? Just to give yourself something that’s a little easier to hold on to but then still ask yourself, “What would level five look like for me? If I were willing to do whatever it took for however long it took to do whatever it takes to get these results, what would that look like for me?” Really ask yourself. Really imagine that. Really envision that. Then take some notes. Write that shit down. Get yourself into that state, because when you do, you get power, you get energy, you get momentum and guess what? You get results so much faster with that energy.
Again, if you’re already at that level or you want to kick things into that level, come join me for a weekend. Because you can probably tell that I reside at that level. Anything that’s important to me, if I’m not there, I’ll eventually kick it into that gear. Because that’s how I get results. Whether it’s in my health, in my relationship, in parenting, in my diet, in anything.
How do we get to level five? This is not to be some sort of crazy intense perfectionism thing. This is actually a way to call upon a level of commitment in you that makes things easier. In fact, I think it was Jack Canfield who first said this. He said, “100% is easy. 99% is a bitch.” Think about that. When you’re fully committed, it is easier. It takes a lot less energy and discipline once you get going, once you step into that level.
So, go to ConfidenceUnleashedNow.com/weekend or go to Shrinkfortheshyguy.com and below this episode we will have a little link to it, because that way you can go find out about this weekend. See what this crazy guy, Aziz, is up to in Portland. If you’re in any way resonating with what I’m talking about, the weekend is like this podcast on steroids for three days. It’s not just me talking at you but me talking with you, interacting with you, coaching you, guiding you and helping you break free of stuff that might have been clogging your mind, your energy, your heart and your freedom for weeks, months, years or decades. Let’s break through that. Let’s do whatever it takes. I can’t wait to see you. Whether it’s at a weekend or just in future episodes of this show because you’re awesome. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. I look forward to talking to you soon.