Do you sometimes get frustrated about how hard it is to get more confident, feel more comfortable in yourself, get the results that you want, reach the goals that you have?
Do you get frustrated or disappointed or upset about setbacks, failures, not getting to where you want to be quickly enough?
If so, today’s episode is really going to help you shift that so you can be way more at peace with the process, way more aware of how it actually is supposed to go and feel surprisingly more confident along the way.
Click below to hear this episode!
Hey, welcome today’s episode of the show. Today, we’re going to be focusing on one question. Are you ready? The question is, who said it was supposed to be easy?
Who said it was supposed to be easy? That’s we’re going to dive into today. Is it going to help you feel a lot more peace about the process of growing of really trying to achieve or do anything in your life? And some of the inevitable frustrations, challenges, struggles that happened along the way. Maybe even the fears and concerns that you might not make it as well. So, if you want to go deeper in the show, go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com, all spelled out shrinktheshyguy.com. There, you can look up show notes, get the transcript, as well as get a copy of my e- book “Five Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence.”
That is a super powerful simple process right take all the best stuff that I learned over the last geez … 14 years now of doing this to help you learn step-by-step how to unleash your confidence, how to go from stuck, held back, inhibited like what are the exact things I need to do to become way more confident in any year of my life so that I can approach women, create dates and be way more bold and comfortable talking to anyone at work, and just feel more confident in my own skin? So go check that out, super valuable book. And I also will send you some free training videos too about how to really implement that in your life.
So let’s talk about this question. Who said it’s supposed to be easy? And this is something that I actually asked myself when I’m struggling, or when I’m feeling like nothing’s ever going to work out, or I feel like I failed at something. And it’s a question that actually really helps me to gather more strength, more courage, more confidence, more determination to keep going.
So, when this one come up not too long ago where I was promoting a live event, that I was doing called the “Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough.” And I remember the previous event that I did called “Supremely Confident Conversation Master”, there was a lot of people that were interested in that one and it filled up really quickly. And so, when it came around to promote the next event I was like, “Yes, what’s up?” Pres, send them the email and there’s going to be people banging down the doors, “Let us in Aziz, your events are amazing.” And I remember I put it out there and I was like, okay, send some more emails. “Did you guys not hear? The amazing event is coming.” And in a mediocre response, and I was like, “That’s certainly not what I was imagining or anticipating.” And I was like, “Oh, okay.”
And then it triggered a sense of like, “Oh I’ve failed.” And you know? It was really interesting, it was like really painful. And I was really curious about it. I was like. “Wow, this is like a big emotional reaction. What’s happening?” And then the feeling was, “I’m not good enough” in some way. Like, oh it was kind of like, I realize throw in a party and no one showed up. Oh God, I’m a loser. And that’s not even true, that it’s like no one. It was just like, “I had a catered event for a hundred people and way fewer of that showed up.” And I was like, “I catered event for a hundred people and there’s 15 people there.” I’m like, “Oh I’m a loser”, right?
So, it was triggering all this like approval stuff that was happening for me. And here’s the thing, and that can happen for you and I’m just giving you an example for my own life but that could happen I don’t know, when you ask someone out and she says “no”. Or when you try to get a job and you don’t get it. Or are not even like, you go in the interview and then they say “no”. Maybe you send some applications that you don’t even hear back or you try some endeavor in your company or some project that you’re working on your business and again it just falls flat or doesn’t work.
Whatever it is that triggers that sense of like, “I fail. I’m not good enough.” And here’s the kicker, it does sort of like, “This is so hard and it’s so unfair.” And “Why can’t it be easier and maybe it’s easier for other people,” and you know what I’m talking about? That kind of … I kind of gave it away in a voice tone because it’s so it has a whiny feel to it. I remember there’s one client I worked with, who would sometimes kind of fall into that state. Where he’s sort of, be like, “Why do I have to work on this so hard?
Other people can just do this with easily, with no effort. Why do I have to work on this?” And it wasn’t like an actual inquiry about like, how I wonder what in me makes this more challenging than maybe for someone else? It wasn’t an actual inquiry. It was like kind of lamenting how unfair it all is. And that’s where the question, “who said it’s supposed to be easy?” comes in. So, stay tuned. We’re going to take a quick break and when we come back, I’m going to share with you how to use this question in your life, how I used it and how it can help empower you, strengthen you and give you more confidence to pursue further and faster what it is that you really want.
You want to speak up at work, you want to be more assertive, you want to be less nice, you want to be better at public speaking, you want to be more bold, you want to be more of a leader, you want to increase your sales because you want to be more confident in your ability to talk to people and whatever it is that you want, the area that you’re not there yet. And then you kind of go into that state I was describing before the break where you’re like, “Why is it so hard? It’s not fair.” Who said that that was supposed to be easy, that thing that you want?
So, here’s a couple things…one, this idea that it’s somehow easier for someone else? That is a total weird, distorted illusion because we have no freaking clue how it was for someone else. We really don’t, we really don’t. Even if it looks … okay one, it looks easier for them. How close are we? Are we really observing people and knowing all facets of their life and their history, and how long it took them to get there. And what they had to walk through to get there. And who knows what their fucking dad said to them when they were five years old, like we have no idea.
We just got a snapshot of the current state and like, “Look at them.” So, the example I was giving earlier about Live Events. One of my mentors is Christian Nicholson, it was like there was event. It was like 200 people there and they all love him. And I’m like, “It’s so easy for him,” right? Or you see that guy who just casually talks to a woman and you’re like, “He’s a natural fucking jerk. It’s so easy for him,” right? I hope you are taking what I’m doing as a, it’s I’m playing. I’m being lighthearted around it because I just want to kind of make that part a little more silly and less intense when you’re experiencing. I don’t need it to necessarily be ridiculing or mocking you. Well, may be just a little but I’m mocking too. So, it’s okay.
So, this part of us that gets upset and wants it to be easier to comparing to someone else and it really … it’s not an accurate comparison, how long? Most likely, it took someone a shit ton of work to get to where were you see them at. So, just start assuming that it did. Now, there’s those people who like to brag about how easy it was for them. And you know, sure. Maybe there’s one out of the ten thousand who’s like that but that’s not the norm. And usually they’re only sharing like the breakthrough moment.
I always love this, when people who share about their business, it’s like, “Yes, I took my business from zero to seven figures in one year and a half, 18 months, 1.4 million dollars.” And then I was like, “Wow, it has blown, it sounds pretty impressive. But okay, that’s the last 18 months. What were you doing in the last 10 years before that? How many failed businesses do you have? How many business lessons did you learn? What did you try? What did you … I mean, maybe they did a bunch of stuff, right? And they’re just sharing like that quick riches story or whatever the example is in your life or just stating other things like that. So, what we want to do is we want to stop comparing and seeing it as distorted. It’s like … maybe it’s not easy for anyone.
And then this bumps into another idea that I’ve seen which is kind of from the … I don’t know, New Age, Law of Attraction Abundance World which maybe you’re a fan of, but I’m not against it. I do think there’s a tremendous power in manifesting things and focusing on what we want and so forth and I use it in my life but, there’s also this kind of like … if you’re making it hard, if it’s hard. If it feels hard that’s because you’re making it hard. And you should just open up your arms wide and let in the abundance that’s already there.
And let it be really easy, and let it just come to you. And I get what they’re doing when they teach that, right? They’re trying to help people not be locked into some sort of fixated attachment of like, “I got to have this or else, shit”, right? Because that energy pushes away things, it repels things. But the downside of that teaching is, I think it’s sort of like while you’re doing it wrong if it’s hard? And I’m like, “You know what? I don’t think that’s true.” I think that a lot of things that are worth doing can be hard, can be challenging, can be a struggle, can be an endeavor, can be a test of you.
And maybe, the thing that you want is hard. What if you just let it be that? And you didn’t fight it, you didn’t resist it, you didn’t lament it, you just said, “Yes”, to become really comfortable in myself around someone that I’m attracted to, and to be vulnerable, and authentic and playful. And to find who I really am and bring that out in this situation, with all of the messages that I got when I was younger about how I’m not good enough and I’m not attractive and I shouldn’t blah, blah, blah?
For me to overcome all that and just bring my free self out? It’s hard. It’s fucking hard. It’s not easy to pursue something that you love and grow and become a leader in your field. And to step-by-step claw your way up to be sought after, to be valuable to a company or in business. That’s not easy. it’s hard. That’s why most people don’t do it. Who said it was supposed to be easy?
So, we’re going to take a quick break right now. And then we’re going to get even deeper into this. How to use this? And maybe you’re already feeling it, to activate a sense of like great determination and power. And all the valuable things that come out of something being hard, and not being easy.
And you kind of go down that path that we’ve been talking about today. What if it’s hard but it’s worth it? How is it worth it? What is it forcing you to do? And what is it calling out of you? How is it making you step up in a way that you would not step up if it were easy? What if the pain brings out the best of you, brings out more strength, more power, more grit, more fucking determination than you ever have if it was just easy? What if there is tremendous value in like the saga of the struggle? Like, “Am I going to make it? No, I didn’t this time. Oh shit but I’m going to make it next time.” Like the ups and downs, the challenges, the setbacks, the failures and ultimately the victories. I mean, how lame would the victories be if it was just like, “Oh yes, I said that go and hit it. I think I got the next one that was super easy.
And then I set an even bigger goal and that was … I don’t know. It was like easier than all the rest,” right? I mean, it might sound kind of great but it wouldn’t be. It really wouldn’t be. We like the drama, we like the energy, we wanted to be hard on some level because that’s how we’re going to grow, that’s how we expand, that’s how we sculpt ourselves as humans. Ultimately, that might be even why we’re doing it in the first place, possibly. So, where in your life have you been secretly demanding that it should be easier?
And how can you just embrace that it’s hard and it’s worth it? And what are you committed to doing, knowing that it’s hard? Where are you committed to showing up and doing more? Maybe more than other people would because of the person that it’s making you, that it will make you or are already has made you? And can you give yourself some credit for that, for showing up when it’s hard? Not for the results yet. Maybe you haven’t got the results that you want yet. Can you give yourself credit for showing up even though it’s hard?
And here’s the thing, just don’t stop. Just don’t stop. If you don’t stop, you’re going to get to wherever it is that you want to go. You want to be more confident? Keep practicing what you’re learning in this show. Or if you want a more kind of focused-systematized way of doing it, Confidence Unleashed is a great way to do that. That’s a system that guides you step by step. Apply that. Let me how if you want to go about it? Get my book to Solutions to Social Anxiety. I have tons of ways to that help guide people with this. But just get the guidance and then just don’t stop.
Apply what you’re learning again and again and just don’t stop. And the reason we stop is, we think “Well, it should be easy. It’s not. So fuck it, I quit.” And look, that’s okay on the things that don’t really matter. You know where I do that? Speak in Spanish where I learned a couple of years of Spanish in high school. I have been down to Mexico twice, three times maybe in my life where I get the chance to practice it. I like it. I would love to be able to be fluent in the language. But then what I’ve really invested time and effort like, “I’m going to learn this. This is not easy. Fuck it, I quit.” I’ve done that a couple of times in my life.
And you know what? I’m totally okay with that because it doesn’t really matter to me that much but there’s things that really matter to you. Finding someone that you really connect with, that you can really fall in love with, that you can really be yourself with, that really excites and delights you, and inspires you that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s fucking worth it. Being able to forge your way in the workforce, to go do the thing that you really liked, that you’re really interested, and that fascinates you, that you can’t help but keep learning and growing it.
Whether it’s your own business, which I think is amazing or working in a company, working in a small business. Wherever it is, but it’s doing that like lights you up. That is not easy but it’s fucking worth it. Being able to create amazing, deep friendships with people that you love, that you build over years, you build over time. You’re honest, you’re authentic, you’re vulnerable, sometimes you have conflict but you work through it. You’re there for each other. You love those people. They’re like your family even though they’re not your birth family. That’s hard to create. Sometimes people move away and you lose touch. Sometimes you just grow apart. Sometimes you get so focused on work or family that you kind of zone in and lose some of those connections.
And that’s fucking hard to keep those, to create those, to find those people that you really click with and resonate with especially if you moved to a new city or a new stage in your life. It’s hard. But man, that’s worth it. You see where I’m going for you, you see all the areas. And I’m just listing a couple of the major ones that are super important to me and a lot of the clients that I work with. Think about for you. What’s most important for you? And find … tap into that part of you that knows that it’s hard but it’s worth it. And then, what are you going to do? What are you committed to doing, to making that happen? In fact, that brings us to our action step for today.
Your action step for today is to ask yourself this question. When you’re noticing that you’re lamenting at being hard, who said it was supposed to be easy? And then breathe in. Find that sense of like power and determination in your chest and your stomach. The sense of like, “You know what? No more. I’m going to do what it takes,” like it taps into a power inside of you to find that. And start by asking yourself that question “Hey, who said it was supposed to be easy? It’s not easy. It’s hard and it’s fucking worth it. Let’s do this.” That’s the energy you want to tap into, then take bold action and watch your life transform. You got this, you’re doing this, you’re awesome you’re amazing. I love you, let’s keep rocking and rolling.
Stay tuned to future episodes. We’re going to keep doing this. If you want to go deeper, go to socialconfidencecenter.com. Social confidencecenter.com, there is an e-book there called “Five Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence.” You can get that for free. And also, there’s programs there, I mention them occasionally in the show. You hear them during some of the commercials. Those are rocket fuel. If you really want to learn this stuff and get the stuff, go check out the product page in my site. There’s a reason I created each of those and people get powerful results from those. So, check those out. Stay tuned to future episodes. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.
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