Who You Really Are

How To Tap Into Your Limitless Power, Strength And Confidence

How do you see yourself? Do you often see yourself in a negative light, focusing on your shortcomings and what you’re NOT capable of?

Today you will learn how to break through this negative identity and discover who you really are, so you can approach life with more confidence, freedom, courage, and power.

Click below to hear this episode!

Who Is The REAL You??

Welcome to today’s episode of the show. Today is exciting because we’re going to dive in to who you really are. Who you really are and who you really are is not who you think you are and many of us, most of us all of us on some level are really selling ourselves short and playing with small identities in the small sense of self that keeps us stuck, keeps us limited, keeps us from going out there and doing whatever it is that we want to do and keeps you from having confidence in yourself. And if you’re feeling shy and held back and socially anxious and limited you are definitely not tapping into who you really are. You’re definitely seeing yourself from a very limited perspective and we’re going to help you break through that and shift that today. And if you want to get more show notes and connect send me a message go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com. You can also go to facebook.com/socialconfidence. Like that page there to get updates, stuff about show releases, as well as join into the conversation and share your experiences.

So, who you really are is what we’re going to cover in today’s show. And let’s start with where you might think you are or where I definitely spent a lot of my time is in a small identity or limited ideas about ourselves. This is some version of I’m the small not very good person, I’m not that capable, I messed up, there is maybe something wrong with me, or I’m not attractive, I’m boring, I’m weak. There’s some sort of negative limited concept of yourself as not good enough, not worthwhile in some way and we get absorbed in negative ideas about ourselves and we think that’s who we are. It’s like, oh I’m that guy who can’t go talk to that person. I’m that nervous guy who gets really flustered in meetings. I’m that guy that people don’t like because he was too awkward. I’m the guy that women don’t like. I’m that guy and that’s who we think we are is that person. And identity statements is infused with what we say and I listen to this when I’m working with people one on one or in groups and I’ll say stuff like I’m awkward or I’m a nervous person is one that I’ve heard or I’m bad at speaking, you know.

All these things where it’s like, I am. This is their identity. This is how I see them. This is who they think they are. Or, you know, we might ruminate on past mistakes and think that’s who we are like, oh yeah I had that awkward moment at that dinner party, you know, last week or last month, or shit you could remember that 5 years later and you could focus on it and think like, oh, that’s who I am. Oh I did that. I can’t believe I did that. I, me, me, me, I. And we’re focusing on ourselves in this really small moment a specific behavior or a specific interaction or maybe even a pattern of behaviors or habit and we think that’s who I am and we don’t like it.

And I feel small and it’s limiting but it’s also like well that’s just who I am and I can’t change that. And what’s interesting about this thing is as I’m sharing this these are just examples. What small limited self have you perceived for yourself? What have you seen? What are the things that you go to? What are the ways that you see yourself as small, limited, or not capable of something or not good enough to do something or not likable in some way by other people. And what’s interesting is not only do we have the small perception of ourselves but we kind of don’t want to get rid of it in some way I’ve noticed. It’s really interesting or it’s like, well, geez, maybe I just don’t see myself that way anymore. In fact if I just said to you, hey, instead of seeing yourself as an incapable person who’s awkward and who can’t speak in front of people and can’t make sales and is not impressive at work and, you know, women won’t like for example.

What if you just sell yourself completely differently as a really capable, awesome, lovable, attractive person? Problem solved. All right. Well, I’ll see you next week, right? But what happens? We don’t, like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I can’t. I can’t just do that. Come on. That’s not right because that’s not true because that’s not who I really am because who I really am is that guy. And it’s like this groove, this rut that we just like our mind wants to go back to and there’s this small identity that wants to stay in charge and wants to stay in control and wants life to be predictable because at least I know who I am. Even though it’s shitty I know who I am and I feel certainty from that and I feel safety from that. And that’s what that part is doing it’s like attaching onto those things and was trying to get a sense of certainty and safety from knowing who we are and really limiting ourselves. And the benefit of that is if we now we’re the small limited person that can’t do these things ten we end up not trying as much not putting ourselves out there as much and we get to achieve even more safety. Hooray! Safety. But that kind of safety is not what you’re here for. That’s not what any of us are here for. And the people that live that life that way are dissatisfied, miserable, depressed, and then they die with regret.

So we don’t want to do that. Life’s not about that. Life is about breaking free and tapping into who you really are and expressing who you really are and doing what you’re really here to do and that small limited self trust me is not it. And so we’re going to help you in this episode shift that, break free of that, get into the truth about who you really are. So if you’re ready to do that and you’re excited then I’m happy to be with you here today and we’re going to break through some powerful stuff.

Who Are You Really?

So let’s dive into it. Who are you really? Here are there truths about who you really are in this world and this is going to be some mind opening stuff, mind expanding stuff, perspective shifting stuff which is going to get you out of that small limiting identity and small mind and it’s something much bigger, much more true. And as you’re listening to this I encourage you to listen with your intellect and kind of that left brain part of you that’s like, yeah, okay, maybe this is, let me analyze and check this out but I also want you to listen with your heart, with your body, and just feel a sense of resonance or truth somewhere in you to what I’m saying because, remember, all the while your small self is going to want to try to take control and maybe shift things and get you back in that small safe place and that’s exactly why I mean, my program, Confidence Unleashed, is all about how to break out of that small self and there’s, you know, dozens of exercises in there to help you make that shift because there’s so much momentum for that small part. And you’re going to want to put that aside for just a little bit, open your mind, open your heart, and just listen to this stuff and let it help you expand and remember who you really are.

You Are Dynamic

So here’s the first truth about who you really are. You are incredibly dynamic, incredibly dynamic, ever changing. You’re this constantly evolving, the idea that you’re fixed is a complete falsehood, it’s a complete lie, it’s an illusion this idea that you’re this fixed entity. First of all, nothing is fixed. I mean even mountains are changing over time, stone rocks are changing and evolving and shifting and that’s how the Grand Canyon was formed is water, but especially organisms are not fixed, especially you as a human. I mean your body is constantly changing and evolving and growing and shifting, your mind is constantly shifting an evolving and growing. I mean, think about this. Think back to when you were a 10-year-old kid. Thing back to when you were 10 years old.

Can you remember that time in your lives maybe, you know, 8-12 if it’s hard to remember specifically 10? But really go for 10. When I was 10 what is that, that’s like 4th grade-ish. What was life like? What was I like? Now, was that you? Well, yeah, technically I mean same person, right? But are you pretty different than that guy? Absolutely, right? And you can do this for anything.

If you’re 30 you can look back when you’re 20, if you’re 40 you can look back when you’re 30 or 20, right, or 10. Just be like, whoa, wow. I mean I am constantly changing ever changing. A beautiful way to describe this that I heard from philosopher, Alan Watts, which I really loved is we look at someone like, oh there’s John over there or there’s Aziz. And we think, oh that’s him, I know him. I’m going to see him tomorrow at work. But he’s not the same person that you saw yesterday. It’s more like a whirlpool in a river where like, you ever seen that side of a river that can be some rocks and there’s a spot or an eddy where water kind of spins and the whirlpool is there. So if you go to the next day the whirlpool is still going to be there and you go there a year later in there. Hi there it’s that whirlpool still. But the water in the whirlpool is entirely different. Nothing about that whirlpool is the same in a way, right, because it’s constantly shifting evolving thing. That is the same as you.

You are incredibly dynamic, you are always evolving, you are always growing, you can learn, shift, change, grow much more quickly than you realize, much more quickly. And this idea because from the fixed place, a) Change is not possible, or b) if it is, it’s like, oh that’s going to take years. And so when I’m talking with people or clients and they reach like a moment where it is a potential breakthrough then they’ll have this surge of like fatigue or like discouragement and they’re like, oh. I’m going to be like, what’s happening now? And they’ll say, well, I just think to myself like, man, I mean working on this for the next 5 years of life is exhausting. And I’m like, isn’t that interesting how our mind just comes up with this arbitrary thing. Well, okay, if I’m not fixed and permanently stuck well then certainly it’ll at least take me 5 years of horribly hard effort to get anywhere.

It’s like, wait a minute, no. That’s still that very limited thinking. You are dynamic. You can shift rapidly. You could go out and have an entirely different experience of something. You could be working on something, you could be stuck in something for your entire life and then all of a sudden the next day something shifts in you and now you can talk more freely to that person in a way that you never have. And it could take longer, too. I’m not saying it happens overnight but we don’t know and we’re incredibly dynamic and the more dynamic we realize we are the more we take this through thin, the more rapidly things can change or behaviors can change or choices an change, everything, or confidence can change, everything changes. That’s the first truth.

You Are Creative

The second truth about who you really are is you are infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful. Infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful. So, we have this tendency to think, hey a lot of people say I’m not that creative that’s a really limiting idea or I’m not that creative. And, no, no, no, you are incredibly creative that is one of the reasons you’re here is your dynamic every changing thing to create stuff, expression comes out of you. You create words with your voice, you create ideas with your mind, you create things with your hand, you create interactions with people, you’re constantly creating and you’re infinitely creative and the more that you create the more you can create.

There’s this illusion it’s like, well, if I do stuff if I create stuff I’m going to run out. I know you won’t. So for example I do this podcast every week, I’ve created at this point three full-length training programs and 12 e-books and a full-length book and I’m working on another book right now and I had that fear. I was like, wait a minute if I’m doing all this stuff aren’t I just going to run out of material someday? So I’m like, well, I’m spent. And then what I found is the more that I give myself time to create the more I more create and the more I just trust that the more stuff comes out. So this especially useful for you if you do any sort of creation of arts or writing or content but this is also true for, you’re infinitely creative when it comes to interactions with people, coming up with things to say in conversations is creation, having a great conversation is creation,  sales conversation is creation. You’re creating a potential client or customer there and you’re also creating what you’re going to say and how you’re going to react to them and the more you do it, the more you create, the more rapidly you can create the better you creations become.

You Are Resourceful

So you’re infinitely creative and you are infinitely resourceful. So we often look and be like, oh I can’t do that, I don’t have the intelligence to do that, I don’t have the skillset to do that, I’m not smart enough to do that, I don’t have the resources to do that, I don’t know the people to do that, I don’t have the time to do that I don’t have the money to do that. And all of that is a small self illusion, it’s a trick because underneath that the truth is you are infinitely resourceful. Because you’re incredibly dynamic and because you’re infinitely creative therefore you can be infinitely resourceful. You can respond to situations instead of like a brittle branch that just snaps you are like a bendy willow branch or you can be like water and you can just flow around obstacles or something happens and you’re like, huh, that’s not what I want.

So when you’re in a situation and let’s say you’re having a conversation and it’s not going the way you wanted to your infinitely resourceful. You can handle that. You can shift that. Or you want to do more sales presentations you’re infinitely resourceful. Whatever you need in that moment can come out of you. And if you just take that truth in you’ll start to see you’ll start to. What would it feel like now to say to yourself, I am infinitely resourceful? In fact just go ahead and say that to me right now, say that to yourself, say that out loud. I am infinitely resourceful. I am infinitely resourceful. And just really take that in and bring that more into your life and if you move around, if you move through the world with that belief knowing that is true about yourself, of trusting that truth in yourself, then you are going to be incredibly adaptive to responses and much more confident in yourself and much more successful in all areas of your life.

Dating, relationships, finances. And just a little mind game to help you see how resourceful you are. Imagine this setup. What if I said to you I have the two people that you love most in your life or the three people that you love most n your life, your wife, your kids, a good friend, your parents, whoever it is for you, family, people that are close to you, people that you love, and they’re in a house and that house is going to explode in 10 minutes and you are an hour’s drive away and it’s going to explode in 10 minutes. What are you going to do? What are you going to do, right? Actually think about that scenario. Imagine the house, imagine the people you love in there, it’s going to explode in 10 minutes, you’re an hour away, what are you going to do? Right? So, you really kind of play the mind game, play the thought experiment.

You don’t say, well, their toast, whatever. I can’t do it, I’m done, yup. And that’s how we approach life, right? It’s like there’s a person over there I didn’t talk to them, ah whatever. Or, you ask someone out and they say yes and then she doesn’t text you back and you’re like, ah whatever, I’m toast, I’m done, right? And that’s how we approach life. But we in the situation is high stakes enough you are incredibly resourceful. I bet you came up with at least one or two or maybe even three things that you would try immediately to try to get a hold of them. So let’s say, oh I’d call one of them on a cellphone. Let’s say you called all their cellphones and you couldn’t get a hold of any of them.

What would you do then right? Your mind is going to come up with something. What town are they in? What city are they in? Can I get a police officer who’s nearby? Your mind is going to start coming up with stuff, right? So that is just a small taste of how infinitely resourceful you are. When we give ourselves that knowledge, that truth, we expand into knowing that it becomes more and more true for you. And we’re going to take a quick break right now and when we get back we’re going to get into the third truth about who you really are which I think is really the biggest one, the most powerful one, the most liberating one, and the one that I love. I just love to remind myself of that throughout the day.

So we’re going to take a quick break and when we get back we’ll get into that third truth about who you really are.

Welcome back. So, what is the third truth about who you really are? Well we have you’re incredibly dynamic, number 2 is you’re infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful, and the third truth is you are infinitely powerful. You are infinitely powerful. And let’s really just take this one in and share what I mean by that is that you so as far as we know we’re on this planet earth it’s spinning through our solar system which is spinning in an arm of the Milky Way Galaxy which is spinning in a galactic cluster of millions of galaxies and estimates of, you know, looking at one little small segment of space with a powerful telescope where we see 10,000 galaxies in a small quadrant of space leaves to people to assume or estimate that there are billons if not trillions of galaxies.

And so the numbers of that are just like their way over our heads we can’t really comprehend them. Whatever is going on out there is fucking powerful. Can we agree on that? Like, the gravitational forces, the solar forces, the energy, I mean the stars, the galaxies. I mean, what the fuck is going on? That’s crazy! That is powerful! And I don’t know if you’re religious or spiritual you don’t even have to be you could just be totally hardcore material scientist guy and even just looking at that it mean that’s pretty powerful. That’s pretty expansive one might almost say limited or limitless or infinite. It’s pretty, pretty extreme, right? And here’s the thing though, that’s not just happening out there like we’re a part of that, we are in that, we are of that, we are that, right?

We’re sounding like lots of happening out there and we’re just on this rock that is not connected to anything. It’s like, no, we are in that, we are part of that. And if you zoom in to yourself and to the nature of your atoms and the energy underneath that and fucking strings or corks or whatever you want to look at when it gets down to the super, super small quantum level stuff I mean that’s crazy, too, that’s powerful. And then there’s infinite amounts of power, you know, I mean breaking an atom was part of being able to create nuclear power or nuclear bomb which is an insane amount of power. And then there’s all this stuff about dark matter and sort of what seems like empty space, you know, there’s the potential of incredible amounts of energy that, you know, at this time scientists and physicists are trying to figure out how to harness. So power and infinite power is infused in everything, it’s all around us and it’s part of who we are and we’re in that and so as a result you are infinitely powerful.

This idea that I’m this really small unlovable thing that doesn’t matter I mean it’s such a narrowing down, it’s such an illusion a delusion of what’s really true about how powerful you really are. I mean, think about this. So a long time ago I was at a meditation retreat and I was going for a walk and I was walking on this road ad there’s all these redwood trees to my right. And I was just looking at the trees and I was just a few days into the retreat so I kind of unraveled a little bit of my, you know, day to day, got to pay the bills and take care of my car kind of thinking, right? And I was just able to kind of look at things from a different perspective. I was looking at these trees and I just had the thought like, okay there’s one redwood tree and there’s another redwood tree. Is one tree bad? Is there such a thing as a bad tree?

It was just absurd when I looked at that like, is that tree bad? Like, no, they’re both just trees that one’s bent slightly and that one’s taller and that one’s shorter but they’re all just trees they just are. The idea of saying it’s a bad tree is absurd. And then I had that realization the same is true for us same is true for you. Because we’re just expressions of this crazy powerful energy that we’re all in, right? So the idea of judging us, I’m no good is absurd. It doesn’t even make sense from that perspective. Because we’re part of this infinitely powerful process that’s happening and we’re part of it all and you are infinitely powerful. And what you can do is so much more than you think you can do.

And so as an infinitely powerful being, being able to walk up and talk to someone, no big deal. Being able to talk in front of a group of people, no big deal. Being able to ask for a sale, no big deal. Being able to start your own business, no big deal. You are infinitely powerful. You just remind yourself of that. That’s what I tell myself throughout the day and that can mean a million things to you. I mean these are just associations that I have to that phrase, infinitely powerful.

I want you to think about it for yourself. What would that mean for you to be infinitely powerful? And if you’re hearing this stuff and you’re kind of rolling your eyes and resisting it in some way notice that, that’s our small identity wanting to squish us back down into being insignificant, inconsequential, meaningless, small, unworthy, unlovable, like why would we want to do that? Why would we want to stay in that? That’s just a wound, that’s just pain, that’s just fear. Fear of if I really step into my power and be a badass in the world, you know, maybe I’m out to experience some uncomfortable stuff. Maybe some people are going to reject me. Maybe I’m going to fail a little bit along the way.

But, man, I don’t know. It’s your choice which one you want to live in. I’d rather play big and fail along the way and tap into my infinite power and in my incredibly dynamic self and express anything I can in this life rather than, you know, safely make it to my grave. So, that brings us to our action step for today.

Action Step

Your action step for the day is to take one of these truths. I’m incredibly dynamic, I’m infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful, or 3, I am infinitely powerful, and to remind yourself of that throughout the day multiple times throughout the day. And in fact you could do all three throughout the day but I’d like to take, you know, things into bit-sized chunks and just take one and remind yourself throughout the day I am say, my preference is the one I like the most is I am infinitely powerful. So just remind yourself throughout the day, I am infinitely powerful. In this situation if I knew I was infinitely powerful what would I do? Or in this situation if I knew I was infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful what would I do? Or if I knew that I was incredibly dynamic what could I do right now, what would I do?

And so you bring that awareness into your daily life, into your interactions, your situations, your work life, your personal life, your dating life, your social life, and as you do that you start to show up more of that way and then it becomes more and more true for you, you start to see that as more and more true. And then when you do that life starts to open up and you get liberation at a whole new level.

So thanks for being with me here today. If you enjoyed the show and you’re getting a lot out of it by all means please go to iTunes and find it on there. You can just go to the iTunes store and type in Shrink for the Shy Guy or Social Anxiety or whatever and look for it and give it a great review. Go to five-star review if you’re enjoying it and that helps me reach more people and expand this message so we can, you know, operation mass liberation. Help as many people be as free and expanded and as powerful in their lives as possible and make social anxiety and self-doubt and self-criticism and self-hatred a terrible thing of the past that we can all move beyond.

So, I appreciate you and your heart for being with me on this journey of today’s episode and however long you’ve been with me on the show. And until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

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